Women's Perspective: How Did I Blow It?

[ate_the_paint]

He went through a heart-wrenching breakup early last year, in which his 6-year love and fiance had started an affair with another man. Thanks to loveshack, he was able to get through the tough times.

 

He's traveled half the world. He's confident in his new direction in life, and with his style and looks. He's somewhat charming and has no problem approaching complete strangers. After his breakup, he made new goals, and dated a few women.

 

Eventually he moved back across the country to be in the same city as his family. He bought a car, rented a flat, got a new job, and started to upgrade his University.

 

Then, one night, his sister invited him to a party she was hosting, and when he arrived he met "her". This was his younger sister's friend, who he only knew as being one of a gaggle of annoying teenage girls, but is now grown up and educated and working in a career. Although not "hot", she was cute and classy and smart.

 

He made his introductions to his sister's friends, and wasn't all that interested in "her" at first, but she was persistent. Her eyes were like diamonds: boring through him, and he kept catching her looking at him, so he would return the gaze and they would smile at each other. Then she moved next to him, and they started talking and joking. She kept her body turned to him and they kept touching each other. Eventually her humor and fun, and the obvious chemistry, and her eyes, won him over, and he found himself attracted.

 

She graduated University and started a government job. She came out of a bad relationship with a cheating live-in ex about the same time he did. She is a bit more innocent than him, having a better upbringing and never really getting in trouble or disappearing to exotic locales. She doesn't have the dating experience he has, either. But she is creative and self-sufficient. She is incredibly bright and has a glow about her that lights up the room. She is also one of the funniest people he has ever met, and her wit could, if harnessed, power a city.

 

They met on several occasions as his sister would always invite the two of them out together. Again, the same chemistry, the same tension just bubbling under the surface. The same flirting and touching and the same long, smiling gazing into each other's eyes. He asked for her number, which she gave him.

 

The third time they met, at another party, they both laughed and mixed each other drinks and got drunk together. She curled up on a sofa with him, and rested her head on his chest, and he put his arm around her. She sighed with contentment and when he gave her a little squeeze she squeezed him back. She fell asleep like that. He was now smitten with her.

 

The next time they saw each other, it was the same story at the beginning, but then something changed. They were at a music convention, to which his sister had invited them both along.

 

She had had a long week, and was tired. They were out with the group, and the only two singles. They had instinctively 'coupled' off. She said she was feeling sulky. He joked and said they should have a beer, as that always makes people happy, to which she agreed. So they found a table alone and had a beer together. She suddenly became very shy. He asked her about her musical interests to which she happily rambled on, but she never asked anything about him.

 

Still, she kept touching him and he kept catching her looking at him.

 

Later, they met up with their group and went to a pub. He ordered a pint; she ordered a water. She was quiet and withdrawn, and not the usual outgoing person he had grown used to.

 

When somebody asked him a direct question about his stand on something contraversial, he answered with his viewpoint. She immediately jumped on it and challenged him before the answer was even complete. He stuck to his guns. He didn't insult her or act rude. In fact, everyone got a chuckle, but he wasn't backing down from his views. He changed the subject. She went back to being quiet. He still kept catching her looking at him.

 

The next day, he decided it was time enough to take her out for a casual cup of hot chocolate at a new cafe near her place. He planned it out in his head but couldn't bring himself to call her. He was actually slightly trembling with fear! Then, with a gulp, he swallowed his fear and hit 'dial' on his phone. He composed himself, ready to casually invite her to join him. But after a few rings, her mobile went to voicemail. He didn't leave a message. She has caller ID and her phone is never far from her.

 

And he hasn't seen her since. His sister hasn't invited the two of them out together again.

 

"He" by the way, is me, and I'm wondering how I blew it?

[Ronni_W]

I'm wondering how I blew it?

What/who is telling you that YOU are the one who blew it?

 

Why can't it just be that she was going through something at the time, and/or decided she doesn't want to start dating and/or get serious at this time?

 

Making it all about you is an error of thinking/perspective. Maybe her actions have everything to do with her, and nothing at all to do with you.

 

What/who is telling you that YOU are the one who blew it, and what is their evidence that you did? Make your own assessments, and then decide IF there is even a possibility that you did, and if you do come up with something that might have turned her off, do you really want to be the guy who changes or compromises his own values or goals or desires JUST to be with someone who doesn't even appreciate the True You?

[citizen67]

Maybe she was really turned off by how he talks about himself in the third person?