TheDingo Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 Alright I'm the no good cheater from the story, no there was no excuse, that I know already. No I never posted any forums nor intended to till some of you start assuming things not there and totally piss me off. As you all know my friend already wrote what happened and we're working it out. First of all how on earth would I pressured my girlfriend to be intimate with me after what I did, no I never pressure her into it, so stop assuming I did, I'm giving her all the time and space she needs. Yes I stopped all contacts with the married woman, it's my girl I want, she's the love of my life. Why can't you see my point of view, I don't see myself ever hurting her like that again so to say I'm not totally regretting what I did is wrong, I do, I hate myself as a result. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 Everyone doesn't know the story, so I've posted a link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=177378 You haven't provided any additional information or a question, so do you really want advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Adri Ana Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 Bing bang,what is it ? Starting a new thread tell some details at least . No one will go to seek acc.to the link . Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 Alright I'm the no good cheater from the story, no there was no excuse, that I know already. No I never posted any forums nor intended to till some of you start assuming things not there and totally piss me off. Well in that case, why not give us your side of things? As you all know my friend already wrote what happened and we're working it out. bad idea, really bad idea to either ask, or allow someone else to post things about matters that are nothing to do with them. Why did you or your GF not post for themsleves? if this is nothing to do with your friend, then they shouldn't get involved. First of all how on earth would I pressured my girlfriend to be intimate with me after what I did, no I never pressure her into it, so stop assuming I did, I'm giving her all the time and space she needs. Yes I stopped all contacts with the married woman, it's my girl I want, she's the love of my life. Sure she is. Hence the ease with which you had sex with someone else so quickly..... Why can't you see my point of view, perhaps if we ever had your point of view it would be easier. But be warned: There is never any good reason or excuse for cheating on your partner. None. Absolutely none. I don't see myself ever hurting her like that again so to say I'm not totally regretting what I did is wrong, I do, I hate myself as a result. Hating yourself is unproductive and destructive. pack it in. Just rebuild the trust with your GF, walk on hot coals if she wants it, and prove yourself trustworthy for as long as it takes. Sorted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDingo Posted January 25, 2009 Author Share Posted January 25, 2009 You haven't provided any additional information or a question, so do you really want advice? It's the same story as the link you provided. If I told my friend to write for me, then yes I needed advice on this but I guess she did not do a good job in writing it. As for as it goes, yes I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 years with a married woman while the relationship was doing great, no intimacy problems whatsoever. I'm the dirty selfish cheater from the story and right now I'm only lucky she decided to give me another chance to prove her I can be trusted again. I know any girl would have ditch me long ago, let alone having to witness it in my house just like the story says it, yes I got caught at it. I know she could have send me to hell, which I don't blame her if she were to end up doing it, I caused her so much pain. But the fact that she's considering working it out, man I don't want to lose this wonderful woman, love her so much. In no way was I pressuring her to be intimate with me, like some of the poster on my friend's post wrote. I know I did something horrible and I'm willing to do anything to make me trustworthy again. I'm so sorry I did that, if I would take it back I would. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 As I said in the other thread, you need to give some serious thought as to WHY you cheated when everything was going so well with your gf and you had NO problems at all. SOMETHING within you made you think it would be ok to cheat, and that it wouldn't be a big deal. Because if you don't get to the bottom of why you were so easily willing to cheat, then you really can't say for sure it won't happen again. What was it about this married woman that made you think you just HAD to have sex with her even though you knew your gf would be hurt? And why did you keep having sex with her over and over until you got caught? Would you EVER have stopped if you hadn't gotten caught? Those kinds of questions are running through your gf's mind, and if the only answer you can give her is you were selfish and only thinking about how much you wanted to get your rocks off with another woman, then there is very little to comfort your gf and assure her this won't happen again the next time you meet some woman who makes you hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDingo Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Just rebuild the trust with your GF,walk on hot coals if she wants it, and prove yourself trustworthy for as long as it takes. Yes off course I would walk on hot coals if she wanted to. I do anything to prove her I'm no longer that selfish jerk, that I can be trusted again. There is never any good reason or excuse for cheating on your partner. None. Absolutely none. I know and I regret it deeply. Keeps on praying she gets that horrible visuals off her mind. I understand if she can't and decides to break up with me in the end. Just today I was almost in tears again when she told me how she dreamed that I was at it again. I told no, that I would not ever hurt her like that again that I'm there to make her happy, if she needs someone to talk to and vent out her feelings I'm there. What was it about this married woman that made you think you just HAD to have sex with her even though you knew your gf would be hurt? It was when we first started talking and she would tell me how her husband was a reckless drunkard with no job, then I stared feeling pity for her and then we started liking each other. And why did you keep having sex with her over and over until you got caught? My guess is I was the stupid seeking attention jerk who threw away a perfect beautiful relationship over worthless craving. Dammit, what was I thinking.... Would you EVER have stopped if you hadn't gotten caught? I believe I would have been that self-centered scumbag that doesn't realize how cheating affects the person both mentally and emotionally. In a way I'm kind of relieve she caught me so now I see the pain cheating causes and stop thinking only for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 My guess is I was the stupid seeking attention jerk who threw away a perfect beautiful relationship over worthless craving. This is why I'd advise your girlfriend against working it out. You cheated in spite of being happy in the relationship, not because you were unhappy in it. There's nothing to fix in your relationship, it's something you have to fix in yourself, with a lot of time and introspection. This relationship only differs from your prior ones because you believe that the benefits you receive from your girlfriend outweigh dropping her to move on to someone else. You haven't changed your perspective; you just don't want to lose something that you weren't willing to walk away from. You're doing damage control; guessing doesn't cut it. For your girlfriend, it's not a matter of if you cheat again, but when, so the relationship is permanently altered. Link to post Share on other sites
JennaGennaro Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 "In no way was I pressuring her to be intimate with me, like some of the poster on my friend's post wrote. I know I did something horrible and I'm willing to do anything to make me trustworthy again. I'm so sorry I did that, if I would take it back I would." If me and some other posters thought you were pressuring your cheated-on- girlfriend or trying to get intimate with her before she was ready it was ONLY because that is what was implied by what your friend said . .. not you, because you were too much of a coward to come on here yourself. You should be lucky that you have such a good friend to tell YOUR story on a forum to get advice for YOU. The fact that you continue to write things making yourself out to be the victim because of some of the comments you receive speaks volumes for your character. I'm sorry if the truth hurts, but we are not all here to bash you, but you need to get off your high horse and stop playing the victim. A lot of the negative comments directed at you are really constructive criticism. Sure you mix in some things about walking on coals for her, but I don't believe you for a second. Like the last post said, you cheated on her for no good reason when everything was going fine. And giving your girlfriend access to all your accounts doesn't really matter because you could just create new ones and not tell her about them. The best way would be to delete all the silly things you MAY have (Facebook/Myspace/porn sites, etc), assuming you do have these things. I have to be careful what I say you might have, or you might just gripe at me for assuming such things. If you want to heal and heal your relationship, you need to give her time, plain and simple, and find out the real reason why you cheated on her in the first place. If you were happy with what you were getting romantically from her, why did you sleep with another woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Alright I'm the no good cheater from the story, no there was no excuse, that I know already. No I never posted any forums nor intended to till some of you start assuming things not there and totally piss me off. Well the defensiveness in light of the fact that you cheated indicates why you ended up in that position in the first place. As you all know my friend already wrote what happened and we're working it out. First of all how on earth would I pressured my girlfriend to be intimate with me after what I did, no I never pressure her into it, so stop assuming I did, I'm giving her all the time and space she needs. Yes I stopped all contacts with the married woman, it's my girl I want, she's the love of my life. Why can't you see my point of view, I don't see myself ever hurting her like that again so to say I'm not totally regretting what I did is wrong, I do, I hate myself as a result. Well I gave my advice in the other thread to which your friend responded: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2016573&postcount=24 so no need to post it again. You know what you need to do, you know you need to be an open book for your gf and basically let her call the shots. She says jump, you say "how high". She says, "I don't think you going out drinking with your buddies and going clubbing is a good idea", you say, "thats ok, I'd rather stay home and rent a movie with you anyway." Certain activities that are more conducive for cheating need to be eliminated. My question is now this, do you plan on doing right by the husband of the woman you screwed and letting him know he is married to a cheater? He deserves to know what kind of louse he is married to so he can make a decision on what to do with his life. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Be an open book to her like Dexter suggested or watched her screw another man as a deal, then it would be even score. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDingo Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Well I gave my advice in the other thread to which your friend responded: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2016573&postcount=24 so no need to post it again. You know what you need to do, you know you need to be an open book for your gf and basically let her call the shots. She says jump, you say "how high". She says, "I don't think you going out drinking with your buddies and going clubbing is a good idea", you say, "thats ok, I'd rather stay home and rent a movie with you anyway." Certain activities that are more conducive for cheating need to be eliminated. Thank you Dexter and yes I did read your reply on my friend's post. So far it's working out between us. I have given her my e-mail accounts as well and told her about this forum. Now I'm thinking of what to get her for her oncoming birthday. do you plan on doing right by the husband of the woman you screwed and letting him know he is married to a cheater? He deserves to know what kind of louse he is married to so he can make a decision on what to do with his life. If you mean tell him that I screwed his wife, I don't know unless she were to try to contact me again when I want nothing to do with her no more. She would tell me that he was a real reckless drunkard with no job, plus past robbery record. I don't think I can take the risk of me telling him and as a result have him come after me considering his record. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thank you Dexter and yes I did read your reply on my friend's post. So far it's working out between us. I have given her my e-mail accounts as well and told her about this forum. Now I'm thinking of what to get her for her oncoming birthday. Thats good. And if she gets a burr up her butt and gets angry thinking about what you did, don't get all defensive. You need to eat crow each and every time. You need to understand, what you did to her will stick with her now until the end of your days. I'm guessing it will diminish, but won't ever completely go away. If you mean tell him that I screwed his wife, I don't know unless she were to try to contact me again when I want nothing to do with her no more. She would tell me that he was a real reckless drunkard with no job, plus past robbery record. Ah the cheater's sob story....blah blah blah. Ya, if that were the case, no job, a criminal, a drunk....don't you think she'd have left his sorry ass by now? Cheater's say anything to gain sympathy so they can get sex from someone else. I don't think I can take the risk of me telling him and as a result have him come after me considering his record. Well one way or the other, the guy deserves to know. And again, if he was so bad, why cheat? If he might be a violent thug, well geez, I'd think cheating on him would land her in the hospital....so why would she risk that if all that she said is true. I wouldn't believe too much that she says and he still deserves to know. I stayed at home with my kids so my wife could go out with friends. I trusted her(stupid mistake) and thought I was being a good husband watching my sons so she could blow off steam. After I filed for divorce, she went around telling everyone how I mentally abused her. Everyone that knows me laughed at that one. She wasn't home enough to abuse her even if I was that way. So I wouldn't believe a word your x-OW-ho said to make herself look like a saint. Link to post Share on other sites
bunk2406 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 So do you really think that you made a mistake, have learned from it and know what you want now...KNOW that you won't do anything again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDingo Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Ah the cheater's sob story....blah blah blah. Ya, if that were the case, no job, a criminal, a drunk....don't you think she'd have left his sorry ass by now? Cheater's say anything to gain sympathy so they can get sex from someone else. I wouldn't believe too much that she says and he still deserves to know. True, I never really met the husband and I don't know if he is a violent individual as she claims he is. I guess I just went for what she told me and assume she wasn't lying about it. Now I only want to focus on being there for my girl, the love of my life and not bother with them, last thing I want to do is cause trouble. He might not even believe a word I say or who knows how he will react. I'm lucky she loves me enough to give me another chance even after what she saw. I stayed at home with my kids so my wife could go out with friends. I trusted her(stupid mistake) and thought I was being a good husband watching my sons so she could blow off steam. After I filed for divorce, she went around telling everyone how I mentally abused her. Sorry to hear that, hopefully you are heal from it. Now I'm aware how cheating affects people. So do you really think that you made a mistake, have learned from it and know what you want now...KNOW that you won't do anything again? Yes to all the questions, I learned my lesson, won't ever cheat again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 ..................... Link to post Share on other sites
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