g/f wants space but still loves me.

[franekwisniewski]

i've been dating this girl for little over 2 years and this is my second year away in college. we made it through the first year with no problems. but all of sudden 4 weeks into my second year of college she calls me up and says she wants space and time apart and that we're both to young to be in such a serious relationship and that she just wants to be single for awhile. well you know i obivously was devestated. but now shes dating some kid whos a senior in highschool and she tells me i did nothing wrong and that she still loves me and misses me and doesn't know what going to happen. she says she confused as to what shes doing.

 

i ask her if we are ever going to get together and she says she doesn't know and that anything can happen. but at the same time she says she loves me very much and doesn't know why she broke up with me. i mean i know i should give her space and i mean its kinda easy seeing how is i'm in ohio and shes in tennessee. but i had been planning on transferring back to my local college in tennessee and she keeps telling me not to do it because of her. i'm not though i mean i'll admit its partly her but not the only reason.

 

her mom tells me that she doesn't know what shes doing either. and told her that she was making a mistake but what should i do? you know i mean we had talked about moving in getting married and stuff like that. plans for the future and it wasn't just me alone saying the things but her as well. how can she just all of sudden brake up with me with no reason and still love me and miss me. any help would be appreciated.

[Reckless]

When we break up with someone, regardless of the reasons we usually feel incredibly guilty. Guilt is just part of the 'breaking- up' deal! You ex feels guilty that she hurt you and her words are her attempts to soften the blow. Generally speaking it's most useful to read peoples actions not words.

 

She says she loves you but she's dumped you. She says she misses you but tells you not to transfer to be closer to her. She says she "wants to be single for a while" but is dating someone else.

 

She was right, you are both very young, maybe too young have to been talking about marriage and life long commitment. There will be other girls and other loves, although at the moment it may not seem possible. In any case, best learn now that you'll be happier with someone whose words are in harmony with their actions.

 

Everyone must make their own lives and their own mistakes, if you ex girlfriend is making a mistake that is no longer your business.

 

Good Luck

R.

 

ps. Don't neglect your studies and only move back to Tennessee if it is absolutely the best academic choice you can make!!

[NatoPMT]

i really feel for you - this is a v similar situation to mine. the fact shes dating someone else makes me wonder if shes so confused that shes hiding how she feels under a knee jerk reaction, shes just going with the flow. the chances are that she COULD want you back as shes not closed the door completely - but at the same time, it does sound to me that shes being very cruel and keeping you in a limbo situation just in case she bails with this other dude - or realises that hes just not right. shes not getting the 'space' she demanded, so she wont be any different or have grown because shes hidden her feelings by focussing on the new bloke - so do you actually want her back if she hasnt changed? the only thing you can do is be willing to let her go, truly believe this is over, and stay where you are if you have good friends that are supporting you. if you dont have people around you that make you happy, then consider going back home - but only for yourself. i know how this feels and its hell right now, but its not going to last forever - if you want to be successful in the future with her or anyone else, you have to go through this to the end and come out the other side happy to be who you are. the only way to 'make' someone come back to you, possibly (i am trying to work this out myself) not need them - but that doesnt mean turning your back on her, just let her know you care for her without putting the pressure on, say you are getting on with your life and say goodbye.

 

well thats what i did last night anyway - will let you know if it works out. it will work out in that i will be happy again, its just the uncertainty of how long its going to last thats the scarey part. and not having him here of course. damnit.

[julieg]

i did exactly what your gf did at about the same time in college ito my bf / 4 year relationship. i would have never brokeup on the phone out of respect for him though and what we shared. that is kind of low. but maybe she didn't have a choice, or finally worked up the nerve at that moment.

its got to be so hard on her if she is a decent girl and you should know if she is after 2 years together. Or maybe she is just a liittle selffish and puts herself first and that is her focus- was this a pattern with her?

be glad that she is honest enough to tell you now and not in two more years. after all it would be fairly easy to string you along with such a great distance between you. hope this helps some.

[thisisnothappening]

This is so similar to my current situation, I had to reply:

 

My g/f of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me too (im 22, shes 20), We had one of those PERFECT relationships, totally in love, thinking of our future together. Honestly, I knew she was the only one for me, and I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

 

We made it through my first year of college fine, so I thought this year would be even easier to handle, but two weeks after I start college, she says she needs time and that she doesn't know what she wants. I would do anything to keep her, but after a few weeks of thinking about this NONSTOP, I know that I have to let her go. I have been through more than she has, and she needs to learn about life herself, alone, just as I did.

 

I want her to grow up, but on the other hand, I am so scared that she wont come back to me...I truly love this girl to death, and I don't know what to do either...

 

The hardest part is that this came out of the blue! One week she sends me a cute card saying "Loving You Is Easy because you are beautiful", the next week, she needs to be alone...

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[mr_roggger]

My story is pretty much the same as yours (above post), although I am the one to blame mostly, but the whole thing is on a pretty much similar time scale. See "Really want my ex back" in the Second chances main page for what people have recommended I do.

I agree with you on the allowing her to have space part, but I fear the same, will she come back (as I still love her dearly), or will she meet up with someone else and never want to see me again? I am hoping that she just wants time with someone else/space for a month or two and will then realise what we had, and how noone could love her as much as I did, ever.