Is looking into your parner's e-mail account to find out if they are cheating ok?

[GirlyGirl]

Just wondering, if one suspect their partner of cheating on them, is it ok to look into their e-mail account to find out?

[jenny]

in my opinion, absolutely not. instead you should think long and hard and why you mistrust him or her that much, talk to your partner, and examine your own feelings of insecurity.

 

i would leave anyone who did this to me. i hope if i did this to someone, he would leave me. it's an unacceptable invasion of privacy.

[emokid]

I don't know, I once thought the same thing. I wanted to look into my ex's email, because, she wouldn't communicate with me or tell me what was going on. In a past relationship, i snooped into a journal, and low and behold, found out i was being cheated on. I think we have a right to know. If they don't tell us up front, we have a right to find out for ourselves. But then there's the guilt of Snooping...actually stooping to their level and being dishonest, just as they are being. email seems a bit more severe. I'm not sure i'd snoop in there because i'd have to somehow find out the password, i don't know, even though i'd wanna know, i'd feel bad about it later.

[jenny]

i take your point, emokid...i guess what it comes down to for me is that i would rather be cheated on than cheat on my own sense of ethics that badly - y'know what i mean?

 

and snooping evades what i see as the central issue, which you brought up really well - this is a relationship that seriously lacks communication if snooping is even an option.

[raine]

I have the same problem with cell phones. I don't think my bf is cheating but I have the urge to go through his cell phone to see what is in there. I'm sure if there were any girls names (and there probably are some old female friends in there) it would drive me crazy and make me start assuming things or over analyzing. I know that he would probably leave me if I did snoop and he found out about it. So far I have resisted the urge for 2 reasons, I don't think it is right to invade his privacy and it would probably hurt me more than help.

 

Just the other night he received a text message and I had him check it (ended up being a sales call). I was looking over his shoulder to help him find where on the menu to go retreive it since he said he didn't know how(honestly why I looked) and he didn't let me look. Immediately I wanted to look through the whole phone then because I thought he had something to hide. He told me he just got upset because he thought I would snoop. I reminded him that I asked him to check it so that he could do it himself otherwise I would have waited until he was alseep and done it. I believe that is the reason he didn't want me to look so I have not snooped on the cell.

 

 

Point of the story - refrain from snooping if you can, trust in him and find another way to ease your concerns.

 

Hopefully I can continue to refrain as well.

[SueBee]

Yes it is ok if you have reason to think something is up.

 

My story is that my H (at the time he was cheating we were dating, then engaged) used to accuse me constantly of cheating on him. I never understood why because I never gave him reason to think I wanted to or would. I just chalked it up to him being insecure. I tried to assure him I'm not that kind. He even got mad at me for putting a personal ad in one of those dating sites but in the ad I was 4 years younger. He asked why I made myself younger and I told him because at the time when I placed the ad I was 4 years younger! duh! That was before I met him. He even made me feel so bad about putting that ad in there. Then one day "something" (don't know what it was just an overwhelming feeling) told me to call home and that's when I found out about him being online, etc. and the whole mess. Also found out from one of his "girlfriends" that they had unprotected sex. Well now my bf has put me in danger, because I'm at risk for AIDS, VD, whatever because I was unaware of his cheating. We were dating exclusively and then engaged so I thought he was monogamous. So I am glad I snooped and found out or I never would have known what he was doing. He was definitely not the man I thought he was.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't snoop on your partner just for the sake of snooping. If he hasn't given you reason to question anything, then don't do it. My bf and I even gave each other our email passwords. Of course I only had one account, whereas he had the account he told me about and then the one for all his women friends. I didn't know that.

[worried1]

I am the biggest snoop in the world and there are little things that my bf does that makes me think hes cheating. He is flippant about where hes been sometimes and stumbles over his words. Someone said its because hes nervious because he knows I am grilling him. But I look through his phone his email his car everthing. I feel so bad now, But my belief is that there shouldnt be any secrets in a relationship and if your partner cant give you an answer then they are hiding something to me none of your business just dont fly. Please people tell me if I am wrong.