RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Dude, he said, and I quote, "<I'm> not ready for a relationship, that <my> main focus right now is school & relationships are too much drama <I> can't deal with right now". Relationships are too much drama. Clear and concise. When a man speaks negative words, and it doesn't get much more negative than this, believe him It is IMPOSSIBLE to tell what these two sentences from him mean. I can imply that he labels relationships as too much drama because he might have gotten involved into previous relationships with women who werent for him. Or he could've been the one at fault for the drama. But here's the point, don't assume a guy will not get into a relationship again for the rest of his life just because he says he's not ready now. Usually by the time a guy admits he's 'ready' for a relationship, he's desperately seeking a relationship and probably bombing pretty bad at finding a good one. He may very well be determined not to get into a relationship regardless, but its hard to tell. In all fairness though, a guy who says he's not ready for the distraction of a relationship because he's career-oriented or education-oriented, are usually the guys with the best heads on their shoulders and in the long run, fattest wallets(<-----this won't guarantee you'll keep a woman, but you will at least keep her attention for longer than average). So it is a damn good excuse to be guarded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 It is IMPOSSIBLE to tell what these two sentences from him mean. I can imply that he labels relationships as too much drama because he might have gotten involved into previous relationships with women who werent for him. Or he could've been the one at fault for the drama. But here's the point, don't assume a guy will not get into a relationship again for the rest of his life just because he says he's not ready now. Usually by the time a guy admits he's 'ready' for a relationship, he's desperately seeking a relationship and probably bombing pretty bad at finding a good one. He may very well be determined not to get into a relationship regardless, but its hard to tell. In all fairness though, a guy who says he's not ready for the distraction of a relationship because he's career-oriented or education-oriented, are usually the guys with the best heads on their shoulders and in the long run, fattest wallets(<-----this won't guarantee you'll keep a woman, but you will at least keep her attention for longer than average). So it is a damn good excuse to be guarded. haha thats what my dad said =X I guess I should just be more patient? & we should get to know eachother more. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Should the OP wait around until he clarifies or resolves his perspective? My advice is no, and that's based on much experience with making that mistake. IMO, she was asking the wrong question, in that she wanted to know whether he liked her or not? In that regard, I would agree it's impossible to know. If she wishes to be a casual platonic friend or FWB candidate, it sounds like that is a possibility. OP, what do *you* want? I think that is a better question. Does this man meet the standard which you want? I missed this: he says he doesn't mind being single so idk More negative words. This guy needs a billboard OK, maybe he's a game player. Uses negative words to engage the woman's emotions. OP, is it working? Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Should the OP wait around until he clarifies or resolves his perspective? My advice is no, and that's based on much experience with making that mistake. IMO, she was asking the wrong question, in that she wanted to know whether he liked her or not? In that regard, I would agree it's impossible to know. If she wishes to be a casual platonic friend or FWB candidate, it sounds like that is a possibility. OP, what do *you* want? I think that is a better question. Does this man meet the standard which you want? I missed this: More negative words. This guy needs a billboard I am def. not a FWB & I think it would hard to be platonic friends with him cause I like him alot .. I still feel there is something there .. what do you mean by his negative words? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 When a man tells a woman that relationships are too much drama and he doesn't want a relationship and he doesn't mind being single, he's telling clear words that negate (that's where the negative comes from) any interest on his part, at this time, in a relationship with a woman, which is you. Is that clear as mud? :D I talk in riddles. Generally, men do not. I'll ask you again. What do you want? Do you think this man can give you what you want? Just to stimulate things, I'll assert that he's commitment-phobic. Thoughts? FWIW, I was exactly like him during my 20's. I did not have a girlfriend because I didn't want one. I was busy building a business and racing and enjoying myself. I did get smacked in the face by something that is still with me a generation later. OP, I'm not getting that kind of "smack" for this guy from your story here. I truly wish I were more optimistic. There are lots of cool guys out there who want to have relationships with a great lady like you. Find them Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 When a man tells a woman that relationships are too much drama and he doesn't want a relationship and he doesn't mind being single, he's telling clear words that negate (that's where the negative comes from) any interest on his part, at this time, in a relationship with a woman, which is you. Is that clear as mud? :D I talk in riddles. Generally, men do not. I'll ask you again. What do you want? Do you think this man can give you what you want? Just to stimulate things, I'll assert that he's commitment-phobic. Thoughts? FWIW, I was exactly like him during my 20's. I did not have a girlfriend because I didn't want one. I was busy building a business and racing and enjoying myself. I did get smacked in the face by something that is still with me a generation later. OP, I'm not getting that kind of "smack" for this guy from your story here. I truly wish I were more optimistic. There are lots of cool guys out there who want to have relationships with a great lady like you. Find them ehh idk it's a confusing situation, maybe as he gets to know me more he'll change his mind Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Maybe he will. Date some other guys and find out Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 d0ll, if you want a relationship, don't be lookin' at this guy for one. When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship, he's not looking for a relationship. Sure, the odd one changes their mind but not many. If you're looking to have some fun, he might be fun play material but that's as far as you should invest...which is zip. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 My advice in this situation (and most others) is to take what he said at face value. Don't analyze it and try to figure out what he really meant. The reason he said what he said is his business, and if you really like him, you should respect his words. And there is little chance of you ever finding out whether he actually meant what he said. Certainly no one here has any idea. So there's nothing to gain from troubling yourself about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 My advice in this situation (and most others) is to take what he said at face value. Don't analyze it and try to figure out what he really meant. The reason he said what he said is his business, and if you really like him, you should respect his words. And there is little chance of you ever finding out whether he actually meant what he said. Certainly no one here has any idea. So there's nothing to gain from troubling yourself about it. I just wanted to know if he liked me, but uh I guess not Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I just wanted to know if he liked me, but uh I guess not How could anyone here possibly know that? I recommend you don't come to any conclusions on that, and instead let go of the idea that it matters. Maybe someday he'll reveal actual feelings for you. Maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 How could anyone here possibly know that? I recommend you don't come to any conclusions on that, and instead let go of the idea that it matters. Maybe someday he'll reveal actual feelings for you. Maybe not. Well I THOUGHT he was interested in me .. but if he was I doubt he'd say he's not ready for a relationship right now cause that would turn me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 oh gosh I probably should have mentioned this .. I was trying to figure out why he's been so stressed or w/e so I figured well maybe he's seeing someone & I don't know about it so I asked .. Me: Are you single? Him: Yep Him: You? Me: Obviously lol Him: haha Him: i'm not ready for a relationship, they're too much drama & my main focus right now is school i just wanna get that done not sure that changes anything lol Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I've given this "line" before, and I meant it. Take it at face value. If he is anything like me, he says what he means. If I am not interested in a girl, I will tell her, and have before. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Take what he says at face value. Maybe it's true maybe it isn't, but protect yourself and your feelings, regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 I've given this "line" before, and I meant it. Take it at face value. If he is anything like me, he says what he means. If I am not interested in a girl, I will tell her, and have before. Thank you. So far he does what he says (calls when he says he will) and he seems to care what I think about him (he doesn't want to make any bad impressions) so I guess I should take his word but let him get in touch with me & all that Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Take what he says at face value. Maybe it's true maybe it isn't, but protect yourself and your feelings, regardless. I plan to, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
xjadex Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 'I'm not ready for a relationship' translated means, 'I don't want a relationship with YOU'.... I say this to guys I'm not interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 So the guy I like says he's not ready for a relationship that his main focus right now is school & relationships are too much drama he can't deal with right now, do you think that's just an excuse & a nice way of saying he doesn't like me? He doesn't want to be with you at the moment. I do this once I find out what a girl wants from me. If she wants casual sex, I am down for that, if she wants something more, I cut her off. I don't do relationships as they are a complete waste of valuable resources and are often full of drama as he has mentioned. Some men just aren't wired for relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Doll... don't waste your time.. move on.. if he sees that you are ignoring him.. he will come back.. If he is chud. If he isn't a chud, he'll go and search for other women. Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I have told women that my main focus is this or that and that I'm not looking for a relationship now for various reasons other than not being interested. Yup! I was dating one girl for a almost a month. Things were going slow and I had school commitments that were ramping up. I just let the whole thing slide. I was still interested in her, but other things had priority. RF Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Thank you all for your replies/advice. I realize i'm the only one that can answer my own question because i'm the one that actually knows him .. I know he hasn't had a g/f for almost 2 years & he's very ambitious when it comes to school he is also taking very hard classes that take up most of his time/sanity (lol) plus working & he's been very stressed lately Idk if that changes anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 d0ll, I think you'll only listen to one response, one that says he's interested. So go for it, if that's what you want. See how it plays out. If he rips your heart out, you can't say that no one told you otherwise. I had one situation about 4+ months ago, where both of us stated during the first date, that neither one of us were looking for a relationship. He changed his mind but I didn't. I agreed to a short term relationship with an expiry date. He wanted more. I shut him down. So, yes, men do change their minds but most don't. Pay to play. If you risk it, you've been told otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0ll Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 d0ll, I think you'll only listen to one response, one that says he's interested. So go for it, if that's what you want. See how it plays out. If he rips your heart out, you can't say that no one told you otherwise. I had one situation about 4+ months ago, where both of us stated during the first date, that neither one of us were looking for a relationship. He changed his mind but I didn't. I agreed to a short term relationship with an expiry date. He wanted more. I shut him down. So, yes, men do change their minds but most don't. Pay to play. If you risk it, you've been told otherwise. It's just that i'm pretty sure he knows I like him (I haven't ever actually told him though) but he's not ready for a relationship or has no time for one w/e .. if thats the case then why is he still initiating contact with me? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Contact keeps the burner warm. He sounds like a "Wolf" type of guy. Maybe a "Viking". Lots of burners and excellent simmer control Link to post Share on other sites
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