beachbabe98 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 So i am having a relationship dilemma and i would like some advice? So I broke up with my boyfriend of four years this summer for another guy. Long story short I am so in love with my ex of four years, lets call him Joe for privacy purposes. I broke up with the new guy, i'll call him Fred, after a couple of months and desperately tried to get Joe back. It was a horrible ordeal. I didnt want to give up the one thing i truly love in my life so i begged and tried to stay on his mind. I am in college and before our winter break we had finally gotten back together. He was very hurt by the whole situation of me leaving him for another guy (there is a lot more too it but he didnt appreciate me as much as he should have - i mean Joe was always faithful, but you need more than that, or at least i do!) Basically, I felt the need to take charge and go for what i had wanted, what i had deserved. Ok so back to Joe. We got back together finally after forever of trying to gain his trust back and be there and show him that he is the only one for me. I go back to my home town for winter break (we are from the same home town) and I go to my good friends graduation party (I dated this kids brother my age when i was in like 10th grade of high school - ancient histor!) At the graduation party.. the guy from high school, i'll call him Mark. Well Mark kissed me. It was a long kiss but not a makeout and i immediately regretted it. I felt so guilty and i am a very truthful person so i told Joe the next morning. He basically didnt talk to me once the whole christmas break (i didnt see him, no texts, didnt pick up, no nothin - and this is like my best friend as well as my true love so it was really hard to spend the holidays without him). Over that break Joe had been hooking up with this girl named Kate who is Joe and my mutual friends cousin (Joe hooked up with her to begin with during the time that i was with Fred). She is a very pretty girl and ive heard a lot about her and she seems really cool. Well, I got back to school this semester and Joe is going though a lot (he is an athlete whose career may be over because of an injury) so he asked me to go get drinks. I was like thank the lord! It was so good to see him.. we got a few drinks at the bar and hung out and it was amazing.. him and i always have such a good time together. Anyway, this is where it comes to now. This past week and a half or so we have been hanging out (we see each other at least once a day whether its dinner or just hangin around) and two of those nights i got to spend the night over his house I love this guy so much and I know he loves me.. it really feels like we are meant to be. (i know i am young btw but you know when you just know its the person you are supposed to be with the rest of your life!? thats this). So one of those nights i spent the night we stayed up all night.. 'making love' you know having sex whatever you want to refer to it as. So kate and joe didnt really have a 'relationship' i dont know if you can even call it that. Basically this girl is really flaky and she would not call him for days (it was long distance) so that **** was hard on Joe. Ok so everything was aOK til the other night. She called him wanting to come see him all like 'i want to make this work i like you so much what will it hurt if i come' and he also didnt tell ehr that he had been talking to me again. She had never been like that to him (so he tells me) so he was kind of taken off guard when she was like crying over him and ****. He felt bad and also felt like he should have her down because as he says (if he goes with his head he would be smart and be with her, but if he follows his heart he would be with me but he doesnt trust me because of all that has happened between us) And please know that i honestly regret ever hurting him it kills me every day that i ****ed it all up when joe is a great guy.. one of the best. Its hard to find a guy like him in this world we live in now. Since joe and i werent actually together and he felt like he owed it to himself to "find out" what he wanted.. what was best .. he allowed her to come down. Obviously i am not okay with this but i put on a big front and was really cool abotu the whole situation. I do truly want him to be happy (but obv we are all selfish and want our own best interests) so obv i want him to be happy and choose ME! He also told me that he didnt love her and cant honestly see himself loving her.. he said he doesnt think its possible to learn to love someone (which i agree with). So this weekend i went out and had a blast with my girls and tried to forget that Kate was in my territory this weekend.. Last night after going to multiple parties my roommate and i headed downtown to the bars. So this one that we went to, as we were getting our id's checked.. i see him out of the corner of my eye.. and his best friend (who hates me for things ive done to Joe). Im sure kate was there but i didnt bother to look around to see her and my roommate and i left. I didnt want to put him in that awkward situation. I was very wasted and feeling like **** at this point because I hadnt been thingking about it all weekend til i saw them out and knew what they were up to. My roommate and i went to another bar where i ordered myself a beer and icalled Joe's phone to apologize (i felt bad and i didnt know they wee there). SHE ANSWERED HIS PHONE. MY JOE. I wonder if he told her to or let her or he didnt know about it! Buuuuuttt... the night ended with this bitch (who doesnt know much about me and i know a lot about her cause joe talks about it cause we jsut have that casual relaxed connection where we can talk about anything) yelling at me on HIS phone telling me to back off and ****. This bitch would not stop talking.. i was wasted so i think in the mix i threatened her some (which i texted joes phone later and apologized) butt... she was telling me to leave him alone.. kept calling me 'sweetie' and ****. I was like bitch you arent my friend stop calling me sweetie. Basically when i finally got her to stop running her mouth for like two seconds (god i get so fired up thinking about this all) but.. i asked her if him and her were together.. like that he wants her and not me. She said yes. I told her that i wanted to hear it from joe and to put him on the phone. She hung up. That was last night and I have tried to call joe again today to have him call me and jsut explain what that was about.. and to find out what the deal is? Like me or her? which one is it? I WANT TO KNOW! its seriously killing me thinking abotu it. But i havent heard from him at all today or any last night. No apology for her being a super huge bitch to me.. and i want to know if they are actually together or were they romantically involved this weekend? If so, I will say goodbye and let him be because i honestly dont care ( i mean i do) but i just want him to be happy. He is a great person and ive hurt him and even though this is hurting me.. i deserve it for the thigns ive done. I just want to hear some feedback on what yall think abotu the situation. Like an idea what he is thinking? Or what i should do.. should i just assume that they were romantically involved and say **** it and try to move on and try to be happy without him. I just dont know what to do? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 My instinct is things should stay as they are (broke up).... Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 When you dumped Joe before. I imagine that you had already slept with this other guy, right? The way you write, you sound really selfish. You call him "MY JOE". Well he really isn't your Joe anymore. You hoped he would be, but why should he trust you? Maybe this other girl won't cheat on him and dump him. I mean you do want the best for Joe don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 True love can't be stolen. It can however, be taken away and given freely to someone else - like Joe did with Kate, for instance. Walk away. The damage is done, and can't be undone. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 True love can't be stolen. It can however, be taken away and given freely to someone else - like Joe did with Kate, for instance. Exactly like the OP did with Fred (?) prior to Kate ever being anywhere on the scene. I have to agree with Carhill. I don't think there is any benefit from trying to resurrect something which is completely trashed (by you both). You need to live and learn and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Ever tried to put an egg back in its shell....? I'd show some dignity and pride and walk away. You're just making a fool of yourself. you can't manipulate people to your desires and whims. you behaved stupidly, and now it's coming back to bite you where you sit. Walk away. Salvage some self-respect and give it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I didnt want to put him in that awkward situation. I was very wasted and feeling like **** at this point because I hadnt been thingking about it all weekend til i saw them out and knew what they were up to. My roommate and i went to another bar where i ordered myself a beer and icalled Joe's phone to apologize (i felt bad and i didnt know they wee there). SHE ANSWERED HIS PHONE. MY JOE. he isn't YOUR property and YOU left him for another guy. He isn't yours. I wonder if he told her to or let her or he didnt know about it! Buuuuuttt... the night ended with this bitch (who doesnt know much about me and i know a lot about her cause joe talks about it cause we jsut have that casual relaxed connection where we can talk about anything) yelling at me on HIS phone telling me to back off and ****. This bitch would not stop talking.. You break up with Joe because you wanted to screw another guy, and she is the bitch here?? honestly, you need to realize that YOU gave him up and he has the right to date whoever he wants and she has the right to get pissed that someone is calling his phone trying to get back into his good graces after screwing him over in the first place. But really, if I were this girl, since he seemed to disrespect her by meeting you for drinks, if she knew about it, I don't know why she'd want him anyway. i was wasted so i think in the mix i threatened her some (which i texted joes phone later and apologized) Joe wasn't the one you needed to apologize to. butt... she was telling me to leave him alone.. kept calling me 'sweetie' and ****. I was like bitch you arent my friend stop calling me sweetie. Basically when i finally got her to stop running her mouth for like two seconds (god i get so fired up thinking about this all) but.. i asked her if him and her were together.. like that he wants her and not me. She said yes. Then there you have it. Leave Joe alone. You didn't want him when screwing him over for another guy, so leave him alone now. I told her that i wanted to hear it from joe and to put him on the phone. She hung up. That was last night and I have tried to call joe again today to have him call me and jsut explain what that was about.. and to find out what the deal is? Like me or her? which one is it? I WANT TO KNOW! its seriously killing me thinking abotu it. But i havent heard from him at all today or any last night. No apology for her being a super huge bitch to me she had every right to be a bitch to you. You don't get to screw around on Joe, or leave him for another guy, then come back like you own him. It doesn't work that way. You need to check yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beachbabe98 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 I just wanted to let yall know that your advice was helpful. I was being selfish and I do truly want him to be happy even if its not with me. He has been the love of my life for the majority of my life and it is time for me to let go. And as for whoever made the comment about me wanting to just **** another guy.. that was not the case. Joe was always faithful.. but not always the best boyfriend.. sometimes he was horrible. We were both sort of unhappy at the time that i broke up with him and this other amazing guy walked into my life and swept me off my feet. He was an amazing person and I had a lot of fun dating him.. he brought out the best in me.. but ultimately i was still in love with Joe and always will be. I am walking away from the situation and not dating for a while. I am sort of a mess about this seeing as she didnt steal him.. he chose her. I will always love him and be there for him if he ever needs it. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I told her that i wanted to hear it from joe and to put him on the phone. She hung up. That was last night and I have tried to call joe again today to have him call me and jsut explain what that was about.. and to find out what the deal is? Like me or her? which one is it? I WANT TO KNOW! its seriously killing me thinking abotu it. But i havent heard from him at all today or any last night. No apology for her being a super huge bitch to me.. and i want to know if they are actually together or were they romantically involved this weekend? If so, I will say goodbye and let him be because i honestly dont care ( i mean i do) but i just want him to be happy. He is a great person and ive hurt him and even though this is hurting me.. i deserve it for the thigns ive done. I just want to hear some feedback on what yall think abotu the situation. Like an idea what he is thinking? Or what i should do.. should i just assume that they were romantically involved and say **** it and try to move on and try to be happy without him. I just dont know what to do? HELP! Given the sequence of events, you should definitely move on. Looks like Joe has found someone that likes him the way he likes her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I just wanted to let yall know that your advice was helpful. I was being selfish and I do truly want him to be happy even if its not with me. He has been the love of my life for the majority of my life and it is time for me to let go. And as for whoever made the comment about me wanting to just **** another guy.. that was not the case. Joe was always faithful.. but not always the best boyfriend.. sometimes he was horrible. We were both sort of unhappy at the time that i broke up with him and this other amazing guy walked into my life and swept me off my feet. He was an amazing person and I had a lot of fun dating him.. he brought out the best in me.. but ultimately i was still in love with Joe and always will be. I am walking away from the situation and not dating for a while. I am sort of a mess about this seeing as she didnt steal him.. he chose her. I will always love him and be there for him if he ever needs it. Thanks again. Well done! Back off. No more Jerry Springer episodes. Link to post Share on other sites
DaedalusDemands Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 True love can't be stolen. It can however, be taken away and given freely to someone else - like Joe did with Kate, for instance. Walk away. The damage is done, and can't be undone. Yup. You can't steal someone who doesn't want to be taken. If you really, truly loved a guy, could anything on earth "make" you cheat on him? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 And as for whoever made the comment about me wanting to just **** another guy.. that was not the case. Joe was always faithful.. but not always the best boyfriend.. sometimes he was horrible. blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. excuses excuses. If he was that horrible, then it would be pretty stupid to want him back no? Either way, this girl of his now has every right to be with you the way she was. You call her a b!tch? Don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
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