UnamedSeven Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'll try to keep this short.. Me and this girl have been good friends for about 1.5 years and things have been really off-base with us since the end of Summer. She has been devoting the majority of her free time to her boyfriend, and will take her stress out on me whenever i am in need of her input on things. We were never like this. we got along great and helped each other get through our tough times. She claims that shes been going through crap with her boyfriend and school. She believes that this is whats causing most of her problems. I told her i wouldn't be pushed around like i have been all my life (not necessarily by her, but by everyone in general.) It's been like shes using me a damn punching bag. So, i went to talk to her on Friday (through AIM), and she said no. She was afraid that we would fight and she didn't want to deal with it. I don't blame her, but i was just merely saying Hi. Me and her had a small conversation again about a half hour ago. I didn't start the conversation, she did. I told her that i respected what she said earlier about how we shouldn't talk or we'll end up fighting. She told me that she only said that because she was mad. I didn't respond. I'm at my wits end here. I go to her for all the help i can get and shes been acting like a complete b**ch towards me. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
steveraves Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 When you got on great with this girl did she have a BF? I say this alot and people may disagree with me, but when there is no BF/GF in the picture I think boy/girl friendships can exist. It's when a BF/GF enters the picture that a platonic friendship takes a backseat. Alot of BF/GF don't want their S/O talking to someone of the opposite sex. That would be my best guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Here's my honest opinion, at least at this point in time, without prejudice to your past: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2016173&postcount=16 IMO, I'd distance myself from her. She's not being a good friend right now. Rewarding that with being a punching bag for her without any sort of validation and appreciation from her for your friendship is unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 If you know she has alot going on and is stressed out, spending time with her boyfriend then stop relying on her for input about your life. I assume you have other friends you can talk to, so talk to them and leave her out of it completely. Link to post Share on other sites
OtherSide Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 While you should respect that she has her own personal obstacles, I believe that a real, good friend wouldn't impose on you to accept her "bad" feelings. If she was a true friend, she wouldn't have done such obvious sh*t and would have kept her friendships and insecurities apart from each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Man to hell with her. That mentality of taking out relationship frustrations on a friend is lame and wrong. I am also of the opinion that the male/female friendship stuff doesn't really work if one party or even both are involved with someone. If she breaks up with that guy then no doubt she'll magically go back to being the girl she was to you before. I just do not get why people act this way and it also obviously happens between friends of the same sex. All it does is make people in your life before the relationship get pissed off and increases the chance they will tell you to go F yourself when you break up and want to turn to these people. Nobody should ever put a romantic relationship above their true friends they had before said relationship because the odds are that the relationship will end before the friendships do and being a friend does not mean someone should take things out on you when they are stressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks for all of the replies, guys. I guess I'll answer them in the order from first to last: steveraves- She and this guy started to be bf and gf in the beginning of August. She and i fought before this, but never as much as we have now. She partially blames me for making "irrational" decisions without even telling her (such as going NC for about a week until i gave in). I know the guy that shes been bf and, now, going out with, since Elementary school, but its not like we were friends. More or less, Aquaintences. carhill- Thanks for the link that you gave, but she is one of those people who are quite and would rather keep to herself then be popular. I have distanced myself a few times from her since the summer. But it was only now that I have really started to get away from her, to the point that I'm not even going to my locker (obviously during school) when she is. Whichwayisup- Well, your kind of wrong with your assumption (not meant in a mean way ). Honestly, the only true friend that ever stuck by me was her.. But yeah, I do have friends that didn't and don't want to be involved with this. I guess you could say that they abandoned me but only until this problem clears. To which i basically said "go **** yourself since your not willing to help me and could care only about yourselves". OtherSide- I do realize that what she is currently facing is something that is overwhelming, but at least she has someone to go through it with. Granted there's only been a few, successful, relationships that I've been in and this is her first with this guy, but seriously its like every little thing is her biggest problem. To be honest, i don't think that me or her could forgive each other or ourselves for all of this. Weird- I have said some spiteful things in her response to this entire thing, but it doesn't compare to what shes said to me. What shes said hurts far too much to go into detail about. I mean, if i knew that this entire thing would have happened before the Summer started, i could have been able to enjoy the relationship i had, then, instead of constantly fighting with this girl. Which just really goes to show that you don't know what you have until its gone. Link to post Share on other sites
steveraves Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks for all of the replies, guys. I guess I'll answer them in the order from first to last: steveraves- She and this guy started to be bf and gf in the beginning of August. She and i fought before this, but never as much as we have now. She partially blames me for making "irrational" decisions without even telling her (such as going NC for about a week until i gave in). I know the guy that shes been bf and, now, going out with, since Elementary school, but its not like we were friends. More or less, Aquaintences. A couple of things..... What do you Mean about "Going to NC for about week until I gave in)? Do you mean you went to NC and then she talked you into coming back? 1. Is there a possibility that this girl would like for you to be more than just a friend, and that she may be in quandry of being with a guy who she really doesn't want to be with and would rather be with you? Maybe this creates aggravation within or she;s irritated that you don't make any advancements. I'm not sure why it would be important to her or why she would blame you for making "irrational" decisions if it doesn't involve her. Unless it somehow affected her, I don't think many platonic friends would act this way. my opinion. 2. You mention that you have been off base with since the end of Summer, and that she started seeing this guy in August which is pretty close to the end of Summer. My guess at first he didn't know about your friendship and after a few weeks it may have made him uncomfortable. My hunch is this is the problem. In my opinion when girls close themselves off they close themselves off and tend not to go into much detail. 3. 1.5 years isn't extremely long to develop a strong friendship, imo especially since you were fighting/arguing a few of those months. Sometimes friendships develop their great and as time progresses one person loses interest or the friendship isn't as strong as it appeared to be. There's only one person who knows for sure, and that's her. It sounds as if you've asked and her excuses for being the way she is, is just that an excuse and not the real reason. My thoughts are it's more than likely option 2, followed maybe by option 3. In either case it doesn't sound like you're the one at fault and just give her the space she wants. When/If she comes back to you then you can inquire as to why the bad treatment or choose to ignore it and her. I hope this helps some.. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 When i meant going NC and coming back i meant that i found myself having to go and talk to her for something. I don't need anything anymore from her and even if i did, i would remind myself of how it will benefit me to not talk to her. There is no possibility of her liking me. Shes told me how shes felt and its a friend thing. I can tell that she likes this guy more than she hates me right now. Which, is saying a lot. I think that our main problem is that we always have something to fight about. No matter what it is... He does know about our friendship. This guy isn't the type of person who gets jealous. I heard this directly from the girl I've been talking about. (Back when things weren't bad.) I think that she may have closed herself off from not just me but everyone except for the guy. I know that 1.5 years isn't long, but through the amount of things that we've done together, it would equal like, 10 years; in some way. It seems terrible of me to try and throw this life away. I mean, its something that I never wanted to happen, but i think it must be done, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Update: I go to this other website to, vent my feelings here and there. I was going there, first, before i came here to Loveshack. So, anyway, I chose to write about Valentine's Day in my Journal. Now, The girl that I've been talking about, posted a comment on the Journal. Note: I didn't say anything about her or anyone in my Journal for that matter and i was just basically mocking how people throw themselves after someone near or right before Valentine's Day. "oh shutup. Are you really THAT jealous that people have more than JUST YOU in their lives?!?? Really Danny. It's just a retarted day when morons go out to eat with eachother or whatever, and get presents because theyve got nothing better to do -.- I really dont get whats so grest about it -.-" She then said "No offense, dude :(" I honestly don't know why she was thinking that i was Jealous of anyone. I made my Journal entry a more, comical, type of entry because i haven't been feeling too happy due to family problems along with her and school. Seriously like, we haven't talked in a good 2 weeks and she gives me this crap? By the way, i responded with this: "Gee. None taken. I'm just going to stop right there because its not worth talking about. To you, at least. No offense or anything." Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 And she occupies space in your universe, why? I didn't take that kind of cr@p from women even when I was a doormat. Here's to some healthy closure on that friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Yepp. Cheers to that. The reply i said was sarcastis too, just if you didn't know. Thanks alot for helping out Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Another Update: She decided to post this in response to what i had said yesterday: "jerk. why dont u wanna talk to me? because im RIGHT??? yeah. avoid the trth even longer. hah. lets see how far that will get you." I decided to be a bit more generous with my reply to that. Without jumping to any conclusions or yelling at all. (I wanted to keep the name confidential. So the name is the only thing i edited) "S, I've tried to avoid us fighting. For a really, really long time. Seriously, we started to talk on Thursday and now you won't let me speak about how i feel or even let me write without getting yelled at by you. I'm not saying your wrong but i think I have the right to say whatever the hell i want;regardless of how you feel. If you ask me, your using anything you can get your hands on to try to get me to feel guilty. But, hey, thats just my honest opinion." So yeah I'm just going to stay away from her without fail. If its a fight she really wants, then I'll give it to her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Hard for her to swing at a silence sandwich. It's like dead air. She'll keep hitting herself Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 hahaha I truly hope so Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 You know, here's something people forget. Friendship is supposed to be about having fun. Enjoying the company of another. Discussion. Intrigue. Excitement. Mutual challenging of ideas. It is not supposed to be harassment, inconvenience, rudeness, arguments. When you find yourself in this latter category, be it friendship, relationship, or acquaintance - get out of it. Life is too short to allow people to try to bring you down. It is too short for anger, disdain, jealousy and dislike. Cut loose all the bad people in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnamedSeven Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Yeah thats, essentially, what i just did a few hours ago. Its a long story, but she apologized a few hours ago to what i said before. And, its just good to feel right and to stand by something and KNOW its right. Thanks for the support Kizik and everyone else who posted Link to post Share on other sites
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