Re: co-worker romance

[Nicky]

since the first day i started a new job, i was instantly drawn to this guy. we've been working together for a few months and everytime i ask him to go out, he says no. he's been involved in a serious relationship with another girl for over a year. she lives in a foreign country. last weekend he finally agreed to go out (as friends). it ended up just being the two of us the whole night. our original plans fell through. we had an absolutely amazing night. turns out, he feels the same way about me. he never wanted to go out before since he didn't trust himself with me. well, our attraction for eachother is so intense we both don't know what to do. he explained how i drive him crazy...when i look at him..everything. he does the exact same to me. i made him shake! shake for god's sake, that night, when we were talking about our attraction. well, both of us finally gave in. so, he's been faithful until now. i left there the next morning..practically in shock, not believing what we just did. when i asked if he'd ever kiss me again (this was a few hours later the next morning after the guilt started to consume him and he already spent the morning kissing me sensilessly)..he said that it's unhealthy and he's in love with is girlfriend. at work on monday, he was very kind to me, not ignoring me or anything. i wrote him a note telling him that i respect his wishes, although, i know he's going equally insane right now wanting to be with me. i'm so screwed up in the head right now. neither of us have ever felt so comfortable with someone or found another person absolutely irresitable. i know he's the one who needs to act..but what do i do? thank god, he's out of town for a week. how do i behave when he comes back? what is this guy thinking? any words of wisdom out there?

What do you do? Leave the ball in his court- as you said.

 

When he does get back to you, I'm sure you'll know how to react to whatever he says.

 

Just be aware, despite your strong feelings of physical attraction to each other, this is no guarantee that anything deeper will follow. It appears you haven't had much of an oppotunity to get to know each other, and if you do, lust does not always lead to love.

 

Furthermore, he evidently loves his GF, so much so he has remained faithful for a year. He may decide his future rests with her, so try not to get your hopes up too much- though I suspect that may be too late!

[Marianne]

This is a sticky situation. He was unfaithful to a girlfriend he professes to love, he is your co-worker. These should be two big, blaring, bright, red lights that say "STOP."

 

If this were your boyfriend who lived in another country, how would you feel about him sleeping with a co-worker? Also, dating co-workers is such a huge mistake. Take it from a girl who's done it three times and had three really icky situations after break-ups. For months.

 

Attraction is a very powerful thing. It can start up relationships, break-up relationships, cause people to move, etc. But out of respect for your fellow women, you should not try to attract an attached man. I've been in his shoes before. I started dating a wonderful man who I cared for deeply (call him Bill). But I was also deeply attracted to a good friend who I'd known for a bit beofre I met my boyfriend. Call him Jim.

 

Well, one weekend Bill was away and I ended up sleeping with Jim. It was fun, exciting, new. I was consumed with guilt. I was intensely attracted to my friend Jim. But I remained loyal to Bill. I never revealed my infidelity and made it clear to Jim that I was only going to be friends with him. He respected my wishes. We are now great friends, each with other relationships. I am getting married to Bill in three months.

 

So do that. respect his wishes. Try to move on. Don't go out alone with him. If he wants to be faithful to his girlfriend, help him by not tempting him.