Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Well let me first ask this question before answering what you should wear in Vegas while in a committed relationship. Did your boyfriend go to any strip clubs while in Vegas? If so, then where whatever the hell you want and don't worry at all about it. Yep, it was a bachelor party type trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 But this should be true even if you WERE his wife. Yeah I know, I'm done acting dependent period, married or not. But I think I was giving him the impression that I NEEDED to be with him instead of WANTING to be. Plus, he will have to chase me a little in order to marry me because I won't always be there willing and able. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Plus, he will have to chase me a little in order to marry me because I won't always be there willing and able. Why do I get the feeling that you're almost *over* this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Why do I get the feeling that you're almost *over* this relationship? I'm not *over* it persay, but like that book said he's taking advantage of the fact that I'm so accessible to him. I love him so much, I truley don't want to leave him. I'm just afraid I'll end up like my friend. She has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and they have an 18 month old child. He will not marry her. She is so desperate and miserable, she basically hates him but wants to marry him so her daughter will have married parents. I don't want to end up so resentful that I hate him for not being ready. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Yeah I know, I'm done acting dependent period, married or not. But I think I was giving him the impression that I NEEDED to be with him instead of WANTING to be. Plus, he will have to chase me a little in order to marry me because I won't always be there willing and able. I think she's making necessary adjustments to change the dynamics of the relationship which is wonderful. You have to make the changes REAL though LB, fake it and you'll be back to your old ways too soon. I think if she can gain emotional independence then their R should thrive. Do this for you, LB not to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 I think she's making necessary adjustments to change the dynamics of the relationship which is wonderful. You have to make the changes REAL though LB, fake it and you'll be back to your old ways too soon. I think if she can gain emotional independence then their R should thrive. Do this for you, LB not to him. I'm def. doing this for me. I'm just sick of being dependent and miserable so it's time for me to have fun. The Vegas trip isn't even about him, it's so I can go have fun with my friend and be on my own. My last two vacations have been with him, like I said, I have not taken a vacation with friends in like 4 years. So it's def. my time to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 LB, independence is wonderful for everyone. Going extreme is a shock to the system and the relationship. As long as you're aware that there are consequences to every action, you're well on your way. Can you accept those consquences if he can't handle someone who suddenly neither depends on him or needs him? Moderation and slow change, breed moderation and slow change. Acceptance breeds acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 LB, independence is wonderful for everyone. Going extreme is a shock to the system and the relationship. As long as you're aware that there are consequences to every action, you're well on your way. Can you accept those consquences if he can't handle someone who suddenly neither depends on him or needs him? Moderation and slow change, breed moderation and slow change. Acceptance breeds acceptance. Well, I don't want to shut him out completely. I'm still going to spend time with him, ask him to do things, ect. I'm not going to act like he isn't my boyfriend anymore. I think he has noticed something is different though. His friend is coming to town this weekend and they want to go snowboarding and he told me this yesterday and wanted to "run it by me." I said "sure hun, that will give me a chance to read my book." He looked at me like I was absolutely nuts and asked me why I wasn't getting all mopey that he would be gone all day. I then footnoted by saying that it was sweet of him to check with me about it. I don't want to do it too fast, but I need to get some of myself back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 HAHA, he asked me to try on the dress again last night because he started "thinking about it." I told him to do a visual jokingly. He really wanted me to put it on so I did. He told me hot I looked, and that he realized that it wasn't that bad. I don't know what changed his mind, I get the impression his best friend might have told him he was being dense or something. Which i think sometimes he is when it comes to relationships. I mean buying a book for your gf on V-day called "He's just not that Into you?" Who does that? lol Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Does he read LS? Could he be doing it at work? Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Well, I don't want to shut him out completely. I'm still going to spend time with him, ask him to do things, ect. I'm not going to act like he isn't my boyfriend anymore. I think he has noticed something is different though. His friend is coming to town this weekend and they want to go snowboarding and he told me this yesterday and wanted to "run it by me." I said "sure hun, that will give me a chance to read my book." He looked at me like I was absolutely nuts and asked me why I wasn't getting all mopey that he would be gone all day. I then footnoted by saying that it was sweet of him to check with me about it. I don't want to do it too fast, but I need to get some of myself back. This is one thing I never understood. Why do females feel that their SO needs to check-in with them things they want to do? What are you trying to run his life? Yeah he's your BF but let him breathe. It makes guys feel constricted when you put that check-in **** on us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 This is one thing I never understood. Why do females feel that their SO needs to check-in with them things they want to do? What are you trying to run his life? Yeah he's your BF but let him breathe. It makes guys feel constricted when you put that check-in **** on us. HUH? No, I didn't ASK him to check in with me. He just did it of his own volition. I didn't "check-in" with him about Vegas I just told him that I was going and that's it. I think it's nice to at least TELL your SO what you are doing (if it's something big like a vacation or weekend away or something). We live together so I don't want to just take off and leave. I am not trying to run his life believe me. I'm guilty of doing that a little bit before, like giving him a hard time, but I've stopped due to realizing that I was being dumb and wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 HUH? No, I didn't ASK him to check in with me. He just did it of his own volition. I didn't "check-in" with him about Vegas I just told him that I was going and that's it. I think it's nice to at least TELL your SO what you are doing (if it's something big like a vacation or weekend away or something). We live together so I don't want to just take off and leave. I am not trying to run his life believe me. I'm guilty of doing that a little bit before, like giving him a hard time, but I've stopped due to realizing that I was being dumb and wrong. Ah ok that's pleasing. My GF used to do that, I swear I couldn't take a **** and miss a phone call without bein crucified for it. Had to set her straight on that bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Yep, it was a bachelor party type trip. well if he was out to strip joints in Vegas, then you wear whatever you want while you are in Vegas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Ah ok that's pleasing. My GF used to do that, I swear I couldn't take a **** and miss a phone call without bein crucified for it. Had to set her straight on that bull****. Yeah I think CONTROLLING what someone does and just having the curteosy to tell them what you are doing is different. I mean obviously he knows I'm going to be missing/gone and I'll probably call him while I'm away so it would just make sense to tell him where I was going. You do have to make a decision together about some things too, like if you had already agreed to do something (like go to a party) and your SO wants to do something than I think it's okay to talk about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Does he read LS? Could he be doing it at work? No, they block websites there. They even have facebook blocked, so I guarantee they block loveshack. Plus he wouldn't invade my privacy like that. He has this journal he writes in that I don't look in so we respect each other's private things like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 No, they block websites there. They even have facebook blocked, so I guarantee they block loveshack. Plus he wouldn't invade my privacy like that. He has this journal he writes in that I don't look in so we respect each other's private things like that. Workplaces often block sites that are commonly abused by many people. I doubt his firm has a LS abuse problem. Also, in posting on a public forum, don't you think you lose any and all expectation of privacy? This is not a journal, particularly since he knows you post here. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Marriage doesn't stop over 50% of the married population from cheating. If your concerns are valid, so are his. This is probably the most logical thing anyone has said in this thread. Straight and to the point. OP, think on this one for a minute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Workplaces often block sites that are commonly abused by many people. I doubt his firm has a LS abuse problem. Also, in posting on a public forum, don't you think you lose any and all expectation of privacy? This is not a journal, particularly since he knows you post here. They block sites that have "improper content" or something like that. As in stuff about sex and drugs and things of that nature. I told him to take this quiz online and he couldn't get into the website. I know what you are saying though, anyone can pretty much see what we post on here. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Off topic...but my filter blocks one forum I used to post on, but it doesn't post this one. I guess this one has no inappropriate content. Makes me afraid to read what it considers inappropriate on the other forum. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Just tell him that you understand how he feels and that you would never disrespect him in any way, and that he needs to trust you. Anyway, you aren't wearing anything remotely borderline slutty. So pack your dress and don't let him use his insecurities to get you to leave the dress at home. It's appropriate, and you like it. End of story. Talk to him about his insecurities, and point out how you've had the same ones. Maybe he will empathize with you and what you've gone through. Talk about boundaries and rules. But pack the dress. It's very important that you are independent on this one, and that he knows you have your own mind. No doubt you will look amazing in that dress! Be sure to wear it for him when you get back. Go out to dinner or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Just tell him that you understand how he feels and that you would never disrespect him in any way, and that he needs to trust you. Anyway, you aren't wearing anything remotely borderline slutty. He went to strip clubs when he was in Vegas, why can't she wear what she wants? But its probably a moot point since I don't believe LB will dress slutty, but she should be able to look as nice as she wants to given he did something worse than simply wearing a particular dress. And this is the same guy that expected her to find a place to stay for an entire weekend so he could have a bunch of his friends over to party all weekend. Talk to him about his insecurities, and point out how you've had the same ones. Maybe he will empathize with you and what you've gone through. Well she talked to him about the strip clubs and he went anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 He went to strip clubs when he was in Vegas, why can't she wear what she wants? But its probably a moot point since I don't believe LB will dress slutty, but she should be able to look as nice as she wants to given he did something worse than simply wearing a particular dress. And this is the same guy that expected her to find a place to stay for an entire weekend so he could have a bunch of his friends over to party all weekend. I'm definately not a slutty dresser. I feel a little embarrassed wearing lingerie in the bedroom! Even if I was single I wouldn't wear little skanky dresses that should be shirts. Plus my friend is freaking married, we aren't going to pick up guys or anything. His friends are my huge issue. I think they are immature bachelors, probably part of the reason why he isn't ready to get married. My concern about the strip club was not that he would cheat. He went with a bunch of drunken a-hole bachelors, who I just don't trust. Who knows what they would try to convince him to do. I trust he didn't do anything though. Despite whether they wanted to buy him a lap dance or something I trust he didn't get one. He is such a neat freak I think the thought of jumping into bed with some dirty skanky stripper just turns him off. The dress and this whole trip is a symbol that things are going to change. I think TBF did suggest that maybe he won't like it and that he'll be mad. Well if he wants some needy, dependent girl who he feels he doesn't have to committ to then it's not going to be me. I feel like I have to try to prove to him that I'm "wife material" which is stupid. I don't want to act like that, I want him to come to me. He needs to realize that if he should feel honored and proud to be with me, not me just being available for him to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Why is a stripper dirty and skanky? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Why is a stripper dirty and skanky? He'd never sleep with anyone who'd been with a huge amount of guys. He'd be afraid she'd have some kind of disease or contamination or something. He is a HUGE neat freak, he has to shower after sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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