Some Crazy Love Triangle

[Beefgoddess]

I have a crazy problem that's been plaguing me for a while. I got involved with a guy a few years back, it wasn't anything serious, but I ended up getting pregnant with his kid. He came around for a little while in the beginning of our daughter's life, but he had a girlfriend and since there was a "question of paternity", she convinced him to quit coming around. Everybody knows that I became the problem here.

 

Well, he stayed absent for a long time, but I took action and sent in an application for child support. He requested a paternity test and the results came out positive. He suddenly wanted to become involved and has felt incredibly guilty. I was wary at first, but ever since he started coming around, we have gotten along so well.

 

The problem is is he's still with this girl from before, they've been together for 3 years, but he's acting all interested in me and is even saying to her that he would want to be with his baby's mother. He's also said some things that afterward he begged me not to say to his girlfriend. I have to admit, I am attracted to him, but I can't figure out if it's just because we have a history and I'm lonely, or if I really want to be with him!

 

And his girlfriend is so jealous, they argue about me all the time. She put on a lot of weight since we met 3 years ago (a lot) and I lost, so I feel like she's intimidated by me. She's a nice girl, but isn't it better for a mom and a dad to be together? I really care about my little girl, but she loves to be around him and misses him at night. And he says he thinks about her all the time and can't wait to see her when he's at work. And we flirt like you wouldn't believe.

 

AHHH! What to do?

[Fancy]

From what you've said, it seems to me that you're lonely and somewhat enjoying this newfound "power" you have over your child's father. I'm not so sure that you really want this guy. I mean, he's already abandoned you and your child in the past, he's totally wishy-washy and seems to go whichever way the wind blows, and he's also a two-timer. He's got a girlfriend, yet he's flirting with you and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. WTF? What kind of prize is that?

 

You have to keep in mind, though........no matter what empty promises he's making to you right now, the fact remains, he's still with his girlfriend. What does that tell you? He has a child with you, yet he's still hanging on to his girlfriend.

 

Words are only words. Actions are what counts. If you're wanting advice (which I'm assuming you do), I would keep things very cool. Let him see your child if that's his desire but you need to lay off the hanky-panky until he's a free man.

[beefgoddess]

That's a funny signature. Thanks for your advice. This situation is so complicated because I remind myself that we have to put up with each other for the rest of our lives. And if he marries this girl, I'll have to put up with her. I guess I'll just let him decide and in the meantime ignore the feelings.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Goddess,

 

I think Fancy was right on with her response to your situation.

 

There is one thing that I would like to add though, and I hope you don't mind.

 

While it's easy for you to misdirect your frustrations on this other woman, and see her as your nemesis or "competition," I don't think that you are seeing the situation for what it really is. Understandable, we can all become blinded by our emotions.

 

The truth is, this "guy" sounds like the one who seems to be manipulating the BOTH of you. And while you girls are so busy playing tug-o-war over this booby prize, he gets to sit on the fence and enjoy controlling the game.

 

While he's telling you how much he wants to be with you, he's going home and telling her how much he wants to be with her. Face it; she wouldn't be sticking around otherwise...and neither would you!

 

And how do you know she’s “jealous?” How do you know they are “arguing over you all the time,” unless you are being fed that information second hand from him. And why would you trust anything that man had to say when he’s already been blatantly dishonest…telling you, “please don’t say anything to my girlfriend?”

 

I wouldn't be so quick to assume this other young lady is intimidated or even "jealous" just because you happen to weigh less than she does. Particularly, if she is already aware of this child between you and she knows her boyfriend has still chosen to remain at her side. If she’s threatened by anything, it’s probably his shady behavior. And who knows, maybe he’s telling her that you’re using the baby as a tactic to win him back.

 

As your child's father, he certainly must meet his responsibilities. But don't go fantasizing about changing this man into your dream image of that perfect father and husband. There are no picket fences here…except the one he’s sitting on.

 

I think you girls should stop squabbling with each other long enough to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart. As long as he can keep the two of you at each other’s throats, he’s safe from being discovered. You women should pull your heads together instead of loosing them over this jerk.

[liliflora]

Tough situation, I think that you should be very cautious with this guy. He doesn't know what he wants and it can go either way. Look carefully at how he is treating the women he is currently with. He doesn't seem to be respectful and loving towards her, this is a warning sign of what kind of a guy he is. Would he eventually treat you the same if you two get together?

If you think that your desire to be with him may be due to loneliness try meeting other guys. Of course it is great for your daughter to have her father, but you also don't want to put her through something that may be messy.

Goodluck, I hope this helps!