Baybee9404 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I have been with my Husband for 5 years now, we have a son together. He has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she resides with us and we take care of her every need. My problem is her mother does nothing for her at all no support, takes her when she feels like it, but loves to show up to all of the child's school appointments and doctor appointments because the daughter is special needs and that is about all she does for her and all she has money for. There is a court order for her to take the daughter from Saturday till Monday every week and provide the things the father says the daughter needs. When asked she has the same story i have no money, when asked to pick up her daughter from our home instead of meeting her half way with the child she has no money. what bothers me is i do everything for my child and when i say everything i mean everything, i support both kids and raise both kids. I am not cant go to any of the daughters appointments because the mother dont want me there and he dont want me to go because there will be a big scene with the mother. I am tired of doing everything and alls i ask of him is to take her back to court and get weekly child support and for her to take her child when she is supposed too. so i can have a break for myself. when i get one its holy hell in my house or when i ask for money for our son its like u have it. Her on the other hand dont give nothing or do anything and it is ok. He refuses to take her to court and says it is his problem, but he expects me to take care of his child physically and financely. I just want to know why he is like that to me??? please help Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 It is wrong that her main care giver - you - is not at the medical appointments. The mother certainly should be providing child support and meeting the conditions of custody. But often times - with exes, blended families, etc - things are not consistant and not fair. Sometimes , you just want to keep the peace. The problem here lies only with your husband. It sounds as though he is treating you as a care giver only. Not a partner in a marriage. You are being taken for granted. You mention you are financially supporting children - are you saying he is not working or he does not give you money to run the household? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baybee9404 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Yes he only works part time and makes really nothing. I am the house hold provider. He only has money for his bills. im just tired of taking care of someone else responsiablity. I have my own child to worry about and provide for. I cant take care of someone elses. I feel like he wants me to be mommy behind closed doors with no say..... its his kid then Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 So, you are the care taker and provider for two children. One of which is not your biological child, but his. Both of this child's parents are incapable of taking care of her and she has a disability. This is sad for her, terribly so. It sounds like you love this child and that your main issue is that you are not treated as a parent. How long have you been her main care taker and supporter? In a good world, you would be able to get custody of her and tleel your husband to leave. Then, both he and the girl's mother would have to pay child support to you. As it is, if you divorced your husband , it sounds as though the girl would be left with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I have been with my Husband for 5 years now, we have a son together. He has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she resides with us and we take care of her every need. My problem is her mother does nothing for her at all no support, takes her when she feels like it, but loves to show up to all of the child's school appointments and doctor appointments because the daughter is special needs and that is about all she does for her and all she has money for. There is a court order for her to take the daughter from Saturday till Monday every week and provide the things the father says the daughter needs. When asked she has the same story i have no money, when asked to pick up her daughter from our home instead of meeting her half way with the child she has no money. what bothers me is i do everything for my child and when i say everything i mean everything, i support both kids and raise both kids. I am not cant go to any of the daughters appointments because the mother dont want me there and he dont want me to go because there will be a big scene with the mother. I am tired of doing everything and alls i ask of him is to take her back to court and get weekly child support and for her to take her child when she is supposed too. so i can have a break for myself. when i get one its holy hell in my house or when i ask for money for our son its like u have it. Her on the other hand dont give nothing or do anything and it is ok. He refuses to take her to court and says it is his problem, but he expects me to take care of his child physically and financely. I just want to know why he is like that to me??? please help Yes, you are being taken for granted and things will only get worse. Trust any gut instincts that you have. I would say that the other female is used to treating your partner in a certain way and he has allowed her to continue with this pattern because 'she is the childs mother'. Once in a new relationship it is only right that the new partners feelings come first. Simple as that. Personally, I would have kicked off a long, long time ago. It seems that you are a kind person but under no circumstances must you ever allow your baby to be second best for anyone - even another child. This can translate rather nastily as he grows up and you should not have to live with such tensions. Really your Husband should be helping with providing for the family unless he is studying or something and it is agreed that you are the one bringing in the income. I do not value people by their income but by the energy they put into running a home, how caring and attentive they are. I dont see what you are getting out of this other than something to commit to which proves that you are a good person. Be very careful Hun... we women can get usurped into all sorts of bull**** just because of our caring natures. Make sure that when you come home at night and close that front door, you have peace. Do not stop until you have this. Never give up. Overall, I suspect that the mother will never respect anything that you do. Do what you are doing because you want to (if you decide to remain in this situation) but realistically the child is being used as a means of controlling your Husband. Maybe he likes things this way? I really hope that you find a way of resolving this issue. I think that your Husband is acting in a pretty spineless fashion and needs to make sure that from his own heart he gets this other female to stand up to her responsibilities. Money does not grow on trees! It is simply a maths equation which needs resolving, preferably without any child support agency being involved. BUT if this other female is THAT resistant I would say it is the only way forward. She should never be allowed to bad mouth you or set any agendas for you when you are the primary carer for this child. Dont put up with any of it.. be your own person. My Husband wouldnt dare try and pull anything like this on me! Gets me mad just thinking about it. Regards, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
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