Nikki Sahagin Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I can understand your motivation for such an extremist plan - I think it is a plan of fear. Which I can actually understand. When I was in school I suffered such extreme anxiety and depression (I would have up to 20 panic attacks a day) I felt that being part of the world was causing me too much pain and hurt and I couldn't bear it. I had everything anyone could ever want but I just hurt so much inside that I chose to retreat. At that time I was too weak and too afraid and too overwhelmed to keep going. I was going on autopilot for about 3 years. 3 years just plodding along. And it was hell. I basically had a bit of a breakdown but a private one. I just stayed indoors and never did anything or went anywhere. I watched lots of movies and listened to lots of music. But I was too afraid to be in anyway connected to the world or life and I actually thought I would continue this forever because it hurt less than the pain and anxiety when I left my front door. But then I just fell into this different form of auto-pilot. It was just depressing. Safe....but just...soul destroying. Something happened in my life which brought me back out. I fell in love. And this one thing single-handedly restored me to myself. Which is why I believe so much in the power of love as a force. I genuinely think it rescued me. It shone a light on that dark place. I haven't tried to highjack your thread and make it about me for selfish reasons but to try to explain that I can understand what you are saying, and I think you will go ahead with this plan and for a while possibly enjoy it. But at some point you will feel that feeling that you want more. You might connect to a person or kiss them and feel that feeling that this safe life is not what you want. The fatherhood issue is another fear but condoms and the pill will be sufficient. Abstinance is the safest option yes but contraception is powerful enough. A condom has never let me down. The real issue here is fear and avoidance. In a fight or flight situation you choose to flee. There's no wrong or right to that. It is a natural animal reaction. Some do run. But for your true happiness I would say don't hide away. Because i've been there and done it but it's just a vaccuum of nothingness where all you have to think and care about is yourself until you can't even stand yourself anymore. To love and care for another person is to suffer. To have friends, a family, a lover - you will always suffer and worry that they may be taken from you, either by death or by circumstance. I am trying to accept myself that no-one is ours. No-one is with us forever. Even if we stay with someone all our life's they die and we die. If we meet in an afterlife then we do. But if there is no such thing then we are all destined to part and be alone. I could sum it up as; we are all born alone, we all die alone, why be alone when you are alive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 I would rather have constant misery or constant happiness instead of happy moments which do not last long and will easily be taken away from me. Since I know I can't be happy all the time I have only one other option. Make it a point to avoid happiness as much as I can and be miserable constantly. One can get comfortable with constant misery believe it or not. I will get used to it. I don't want this balance between a time to laugh and a time to be serious. I'd rather just be serious all the time. I'd rather just be miserable all the time instead of being exposed to happiness for a season since I can't have happiness all the time. Even if I did meet that girl of my dreams I would probably push her away. Wait a minute. I've already pushed perfect girls away. How many more am I going to push away? who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I would rather have constant misery or constant happiness instead of happy moments which do not last long and will easily be taken away from me. You don't get it, do you? Neither is possible. Not unless you let go of both, completely. Since I know I can't be happy all the time I have only one other option. Make it a point to avoid happiness as much as I can and be miserable constantly. Mindbogglingly stunning how obtuse and wrong one person can be.... One can get comfortable with constant misery believe it or not. I will get used to it. That's what you don't get. It will never be constant. I don't want this balance between a time to laugh and a time to be serious. I'd rather just be serious all the time. I'd rather just be miserable all the time instead of being exposed to happiness for a season since I can't have happiness all the time. You have no choice. Whilst Life happens around you, your emotions will always be in a state of flux, unless you release them. Even if I did meet that girl of my dreams I would probably push her away. Wait a minute. I've already pushed perfect girls away. How many more am I going to push away? who knows? Who cares? Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I do actually UNDERSTAND what you mean - that's the worrying thing because I have been to that place myself. If you've ever read the poem Mariana by Tennyson - it's almost being happy IN being miserable; avoiding change and transition to keep 'safe' in a kind of sad, lonely bubble which you eventually adjust to just like eyes adjust to the dark. And plenty of people live withdrawn, lonely, hermit type existances and appear to be happy in doing so. But if you are truly happy in doing so, why did you post this on a message board? I am just wondering your motivation. Did you want people to convince this is wrong or this is right, or did you just wish to announce it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 You don't get it, do you? Neither is possible. Not unless you let go of both, completely. Mindbogglingly stunning how obtuse and wrong one person can be.... That's what you don't get. It will never be constant. You have no choice. Whilst Life happens around you, your emotions will always be in a state of flux, unless you release them. Who cares? Yes I can live in misery constantly if I really wanted to. It takes less effort to be miserable all the time than it does to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Yes I can live in misery constantly if I really wanted to. It takes less effort to be miserable all the time than it does to be happy. Actually it takes a lot of effort to be miserable all the time and it also takes a lot of effort to be happy all the time. It's too draining to be all one or all the other all the time. But, there is a third choice that takes almost zero effort and that is be happy at times and be miserable at times. Life is a lot easier that way, and you will actually be happier in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Oh no. Our man Chris is a guy of extremes. It's all or nothing for him. Phone sex as and when he wants it, sadistic dominatrices doing what he wants, when he wants (he doesn't get that actually it's the other way round) and no commitment until he's 70. Not a day over, not a day under. Only one date, per woman, and a scorecard for them from A - F. And we'll all meet in heaven, because we're all going there, regardless, and all this, with no personal health insurance. What a daredevil "living-on-a-knife-edge" whoopster he is. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Oh no. Our man Chris is a guy of extremes. It's all or nothing for him. I have not read all his numerous posts so i don't know all of his backstory, but i seem to recall he had issues with an ex and his parents (who doesn't). What i have noticed is that the people exhibiting extreme all or nothing behavior like he is doing usually are having difficulty dealing with issues of rejection and abandonment. In order to deal with the pain, these people learn to avoid all behaviors that could lead to rejection or abandonment. They think they can feel happiness by engaging in behaviors where they have control and there is little chance of rejection or abandonment. They manage to eliminate the pain, but they soon discover that they somehow also threw out the baby with the bath water and they are now no longer happy. On some level, I suspect Chris knows this and he is searching for answers to resolve this dilemma. Unfortunately, he will discover his approach won't make him happy and he is missing out on most of life's greatest joys. One can choose to live in misery or one can choose to live life to its fullest filled with happy moments and sad moments. Hopefuly it doesn't take him until 70 to figure this out. Deep down I think he just wants to feel loved like the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 I don't need health insurance because I hardly ever go to the doctor. Even when I'm sick I just tough it out on my own. If I were married or living with someone and/or had a kid then I would see the need for medical insurance. But since I have no plans to pursue that kind of life I don't need it. Medical insurance is a rip off for some major catastrophe that may never happen to me. I feel pretty good about taking my chances on this one. It's more important to have car insurance (which I do have) because it's the law. Link to post Share on other sites
citizen67 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I don't need health insurance because I hardly ever go to the doctor. Even when I'm sick I just tough it out on my own. If I were married or living with someone and/or had a kid then I would see the need for medical insurance. But since I have no plans to pursue that kind of life I don't need it. Medical insurance is a rip off for some major catastrophe that may never happen to me. I feel pretty good about taking my chances on this one. It's more important to have car insurance (which I do have) because it's the law. Yes, but Chris, if you had health insurance, you could get a vasectomy and at least get laid once in a while without fear of siring unwanted children. This is a vastly better plan than having no health ins., assuming you'll never need a Dr. up to age 70, and that any woman will want to have sex with you when you are 70, and that you'll be physically capable of having sex at age 70 Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 this is well extreme, but i wish you luck. what if you get hit by a car or bus tomorrow and its fatal... Link to post Share on other sites
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