Holy Crap, he's a textbook case!

[theBrokenMuse]

I've been having serious difficulties with my husband to the point of trying to get my ducks in a row to leave. I've known for awhile now that something was seriously wrong with him but although he has many traits of someone with NPD or passive aggressive disorders, they both lacked certain aspects of the disorder but when I was looking up something else today I actually ran across a little bit about emotional unavailability and while I've heard the term before, it's never quite occurred to me to look it up.

 

I swear they could put his face under the definition for it. He fits the bill perfectly with the exceptions that he did bite the bullet and married me, however, in hindsight I am beginning to think that he did this more out of pressure from his family to 'settle down' and get them off his back than he did out of want.

 

* They're emotionally distant and extremely remote, except when courting.

 

* They're too busy, sick, tired or preoccupied with other things. Their energy, time and life-force are all taken with other priorities.

 

* They frequently work a lot , and don't have quality time to spend with you.

 

* They're not responsive. They ignore you and your requests, and they don't try hard to make a relationship work.

 

* They don't, won't or can't commit to a relationship.

 

* They may be extremely critical and judgmental, so you may have a hard time doing anything "right" in their eyes.

 

* They may flirt with other people, and may not value monogamy.

 

* They may watch TV or sports a lot, read, work-out, or otherwise be preoccupied with something or someone that routinely interferes with their ability to be with you.

 

* They do not place a value on acting with honesty, honor or integrity in their relationships with others. They're full of excuses as to why they can't be with you, do things with you, or be available for you.

 

Anyone out there ever deal with a person like this? How do you cope? Do these people ever pull their heads out of their rears or is it pretty much a lost cause like it is with some other personality disorders?

[LittleDove]

Yes- its just a different name for NPD or narcissism.

 

I have a feeling the NPD doesnt sit well, because it basically means you are married to an emotionless lying empty person, and no one wants to admit this to themselves. Understandably!!!

 

I split with my NPD ex, and it was only after a while I could accept that he had NPD and I felt sick to the stomache.

 

Id been in a relationship that wasnt real in alot of BIG ways. Since the split ive found out just how text book he is. And was secretly when we were together.

 

YOU KNOW in your gut somethings not right, get your ducklings and go. Nothing good can come of this, and this disorder cant be treated with therapy....so they say, I even offered to assist my ex when i discovered he had textbook NPD.

 

Dont forget the whole mind games crazy making that goes on, and will have you doubt yourself.... and be very careful what he finds out about what you are looking into.

 

Just be careful. Goodluck. Be strong. And as crazy as he may make you feel, you are not crazy.

 

Id reccoment you find a NPD group for support if you choose to leave this man.

 

((hugs)) all said with best at heart.

[Tony T]

Anyone out there ever deal with a person like this? How do you cope? Do these people ever pull their heads out of their rears or is it pretty much a lost cause like it is with some other personality disorders?

 

It's an absolutely lost cause. They never change. But they're usually rather attractive and when they feel their narcissistic supply is about to leave they will get charming...or blame YOU for all the problems. You have to muster up the courage to leave. There are simply too many quality people out there to waste one more second with a person like this. I do feel sorry for them...they usually don't have a clue and think they're the greatest thing ever created.

 

Other than their physical self, they have absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship. They want to do what they want to do when they want to do it the way they want to do it and to hell with everybody else. How can you live like this the rest of your life? You are obviously AN EXTREMELY giving person because no other type would tolerate an NPD monster.

 

He will be very confused as to why you would want to leave the greatest human that ever lived. I'm so sorry you got mixed up with this dude.

 

There is a LOT of information on the Internet about NPD. Google "relationship with a narcissist" and see what you get.

[steveraves]

I have a feeling the NPD doesnt sit well, because it basically means you are married to an emotionless lying empty person, and no one wants to admit this to themselves. Understandably!!!

 

nothing good can come of this, and this disorder cant be treated with therapy....so they say, I even offered to assist my ex when i discovered he had textbook NPD.

 

((hugs)) all said with best at heart.

 

 

You didn't really mention anything that makes me think passive aggressive.

 

Like all personality disorders, they can be treated, but it's difficult. Their is no pill a person can take that can change their behavior to "normal". The problem in treating people with personality disorders is often the person that has the disorder won't admit they have a personality disorder. If they can't admit or see that something is wrong with their personality that will make any treatment difficult if not near impossible. It doesn't sound like this person can admit to it so it may be in your best interest to move on or if you choose to stay find a support group that can help you cope.