getting over an affair

[Dexter Morgan]

I am not blaming my A on my husband. I made the choice, I just tried to explain the reason behind it. I'm sure many people are strong and wonderful (like you obviously) and live in loveless relationships.

 

I don't live in a loveless relationship and never will. I divorced my wife.

 

 

I was not willing to do that. Would I take it back?? Maybe, maybe not. I hate what I am going through now and the fact that I gambled with my sons' futures. I am not apologizing for giving myself a snippet of happiness.

 

Based on the way you paint your husband, I wouldn't expect you to apologize. You were entitled to gratify yourself with another man.....right?

 

 

 

And Dexter, I never said I was the perfect wife and my husband is the ahole.

 

You said you did EVERYTHING and asked for nothing. Sounds like a martyr to me.

 

 

I just don't get what I need from my marriage and I have asked repeatedly. I am no longer having an A and realize that I will stay in a loveless marriage until my children are out of the house.

 

So you are going to hold your H hostage for a number of years because of the kids, then drop divorce him?

 

 

I am sure I will be criticized for that comment

 

If you are sure about that, then you have to realize that not only are you doing wrong, but STILL doing wrong.

 

 

but that is what will work for me. I will state again that I didn't think this particular board was for disgruntled spouses who prefer to beat up on stangers since they can't do it to the spouse/ex-spouse who betrayed them.

 

If you think I didn't "beat up" my X, then you'd be wrong. The "beat up", as you would put it, was to divorce her.

[Dexter Morgan]

I can't tell him about the A and ruin the lives of my children.

 

You did that when you had an A, whether anyone knows or not.

 

So basically you are denying your H the ability to decide what he should do with his life, because if you are going to divorce him after the kids are gone, well then you are even more selfish than cheating alone.

 

 

I suffer internally with that guilt on a daily basis. Why screw up everyone else's lives??

 

Oh, but you'll waste years off your husband's life that he'll never get back?

[Owl]

Very solid point. Puts a lot of pressure/burden on BS imo. Owl, my wife asked me the same question yesterday....If she had the affair several years ago prior to our son, if I still would have taken her back. I said "yes". WSs are in such a fog, it falls on the BS to take that additional responsibility to fight for their marriage in addition to all other trauma they go through. Not fair, is it ?

 

Yes and no.

 

No one says that the BS has to reconcile.

 

If the BS chooses to reconcile, then yes, it does put the pressure on them, and that does seem unfair. But, it's also a result of their choice...the other option is what we've seen many other posters like Dex and Reggie take...end the marriage and drive on.

 

Either choice is "fine". It's up to what the BS opts to do, more than anything else.

[lostsoulmate]

I do think it's a gender thing in most cases. There are exceptions to every rule of course. My A was emotional with sex as the secondary component. The MM was just in it for the thrill, sex with someone else. Claimed he married young and didn't have a chance to experiment. I went along because I loved the attention. Someone earlier posted they couldn't believe women with young children would risk an A. I have young children and still can't believe I did it. I would rather die than hurt them but I guess I think they won't get hurt. I am on 19 days NC and feel like I will never get over it. The A was less than 6 months so I can only imagine how stopping after 5 yrs. must feel. I just try to picture the faces of my sons and try to remind myself that it's not about my needs, but about theirs. This doesn't always work as many days I am constantly thinking about MM. I'm just hoping time heals as I hope it helps you too.

 

tchrgrl,

I am in the same boat as you. I did it. I cheated. I can't believe this is where I am!?!?! I have chose to not tell him either. It is over and there is NC between us. I recently came across a website with some information that is better than anything else I have found. Check out Larry Bilotta's sites. One of them has some FREE resources that are invaluable. In one evening I found hope in the fact that "we" can make this better. Once you read the info, you will have a better understanding of why you feel the way you do and why he feels the way he does.

 

AMAZING!!! That's all I can say. For years now I haven't felt as good as I do today. All of the sudden it clicked! There is hope. Don't give up!!!!

[Nikki Sahagin]

tchrgrl,

I am in the same boat as you. I did it. I cheated. I can't believe this is where I am!?!?! I have chose to not tell him either. It is over and there is NC between us. I recently came across a website with some information that is better than anything else I have found. Check out Larry Bilotta's sites. One of them has some FREE resources that are invaluable. In one evening I found hope in the fact that "we" can make this better. Once you read the info, you will have a better understanding of why you feel the way you do and why he feels the way he does.

 

AMAZING!!! That's all I can say. For years now I haven't felt as good as I do today. All of the sudden it clicked! There is hope. Don't give up!!!!

 

Hi!

 

Do you carry any wounds from not telling your husband i.e. guilt or a fear he may have done the same? Or is it more of a relief that you haven't told him?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I am a control freak on that end and would not give him more responsibilty there. I don't even mind that so much. It's more the fact that he assumes it's my role

Dexter, you are just mad at all women who have had afffairs and don't really come to this board to support but to take it out on others who have.

 

If you just ignore the people that don't want to help... they go away.

 

Tchrgrl... You have to allow him to take on some of that responsibility. It shows that you trust him and believe he is capable, which I am sure he is.

 

I think you can solve many of your own issues in this marriage by learning to interact differently with your husband. You have to be willing to try!

 

I know you have been doing counseling on your own. What have they said about your marriage? Did they ask you to try anything different?

 

I just don't get what I need from my marriage and I have asked repeatedly. I am no longer having an A and realize that I will stay in a loveless marriage until my children are out of the house.

 

It should not have to be like that!

 

There are some basic personality traits that your husband has which will not go away. He may not be a social guy... who cares... the important thing is how you interact together. That is broken.

 

I know you have tried to fix things, but if you don't understand where he is coming from... it was a wasted effort.

 

Why is he not more affectionate towards you? Why? That is just not normal. If you don't know... you need to ask him!

 

Don't just tell him what you need. Find out what he needs as well, he is clearly unhappy too. Ask why he doesn't do the things you need him to.

[tchrgrl]

What have they said about your marriage? Did they ask you to try anything different?

 

UF, the therapist mentioned that my marriage was not completely lost and he did think telling my husband was not the best idea. He suggested I sit my husband down and tell him how I was feeling. My husband "listened" but did not change any of the behaviors. My husband is not affectionate by nature....hates PDA and even privately is not touchy/feely. The therapist believes I chose a spouse like that as my own father is that way and we go with what we know. I kind of buy into that I guess. Thanks for the comment on ignoring the less than helpful posters...I need to do that as I like the support of this board. To be honest, I would bet a million dollars my husband is happy with the status quo. I am pretty happy on the outside most of the time, so he probably doesn't take me that seriously. (sorry if I messed up the quote thing, new at this!)

 

LostSoulMate.....so happy to hear from you. Someone in the same boat is a comforting feeling. Thanks for the info about the website that helped you. I can't wait to look it up. I am here if you need a sympathetic ear.

[Reggie]

If your H was always like this, and you married him, why do you point to his qualities as reasons for cheating? Isn't he entitled to be who he is without you cheating on him? If he does not like your being more touchy feely than him is he entitled to cheat because he is dissatisfied with you.

It just seems that you are making the assumption that your way is superior and because he does not meet the standards you set , he is deficient and you can cheat.

 

But, you said he was always like this, yet you married him. So, if he did not change to suit your standards, cheating is okay? I mssed that part of the vows.

[Owl]

Does your H attend MC with you, or are you doing IC?

[taylor]

If your H was always like this, and you married him, why do you point to his qualities as reasons for cheating?

 

She pointed to his lack of affection as a reason for her unhappiness. It is a need she has.

 

 

Isn't he entitled to be who he is without you cheating on him? If he does not like your being more touchy feely than him is he entitled to cheat because he is dissatisfied with you.

 

A person who feels "entitled" is a person who does not think they did anything wrong by having an affair. This poster knows her actions were wrong..therefore, she does not feel "entitled."

 

People are entitled to be who they are and to be accepted for who they are. The greatest complement is to be accepted and loved for who you are.

 

My mom always told me you don't love a person for who he is...you love him for who he isn't...meaning you love them knowing all their weaknesses, faults and flaws.

 

But another thing my mom used to tell me is sometimes the qualities you love in a person when you marry them are the very qualities that cause you problems later on down the road.

 

For example, you may admire a man for his strength...he's your rock...steady...very in control. Yet, this same man, years later, may appear very cold emotionally. You want to see that vulnerable side..connect emotionally...see that tender, affectionate side...but it just isn't there. You can't blame the man. It isn't who he is. You can't have both, generally speaking.

 

The same for a man who loves a woman who is independent, not clingy or possessive. Yet, this same woman, years later, may appear TOO independent..perhaps off doing her own thing too much of the time...perhaps too domineering or stubborn. You may want her to be a little more "domestic" or a little more flexible or submissive. You can't blame the woman. It isn't who she is. You can't have both, generally speaking.

 

Our MC said that in marriage it is a balancing act between being who you are and being who you need to be for your spouse. That sometimes you need to step out of the box, EXPAND who you are, push yourself beyond your own comfort zone, to BE the person you need to be for your spouse. You don't change who you are, per se, but you become MORE of who you can be.

 

A person can become MORE affectionate. A person can become MORE flexible. In the end, it's all good. But it is a choice.

 

 

 

But, you said he was always like this, yet you married him. So, if he did not change to suit your standards, cheating is okay? I mssed that part of the vows.

 

 

It's not changing to suit a standard. It's choosing to meet a need your loved one has. Meeting needs is a way to love your spouse and that IS part of the vows.

[Dexter Morgan]

UF, the therapist mentioned that my marriage was not completely lost and he did think telling my husband was not the best idea.

 

How convenient for you and unfortunate for him.

 

 

He suggested I sit my husband down and tell him how I was feeling. My husband "listened" but did not change any of the behaviors. My husband is not affectionate by nature

 

And you knew this when you married him?

 

 

hates PDA and even privately is not touchy/feely. The therapist believes I chose a spouse like that as my own father is that way and we go with what we know. I kind of buy into that I guess. Thanks for the comment on ignoring the less than helpful posters

 

We are perceived as unhelpful because the cold hard truth of things are that which alot of people do not want to hear.

 

You are on here putting all the blame on him. Ya, I know, you say you aren't, but you are. You are making excuses for why you cheated and if that is the case, then you WILL be cheating again.

 

If your husband isn't listening and your "needs" aren't being met, then get a divorce.

[lostsoulmate]

Hi!

 

Do you carry any wounds from not telling your husband i.e. guilt or a fear he may have done the same? Or is it more of a relief that you haven't told him?

 

I carry a hole in my heart from not telling him, but feel if I do that will only make me feel better and make him feel worse. I don't not fear that he may have done the same thing. If he did, so be it. I wouldn't want to know, ever. I don't feel relief that I haven't told him.

[Owl]

Do you think that HE would want you to keep hiding this from him, or would he rather know the truth in his marriage?

[Dexter Morgan]

I carry a hole in my heart from not telling him, but feel if I do that will only make me feel better and make him feel worse.

 

Take it from an x-BS, either way, I bet he'd want to know. Ignorance is NOT bliss.

 

Telling him will more than likely prompt him to change, and then it would be like emotional extortion, or prompt him to get off his duff and contact an attorney.

 

And if it makes things go downhill, meaning he becomes unbearing, but one of those people who won't get a divorce because of responsibilities to his kids, then you can take the steps to get a divorce.

[Untouchable_Fire]

UF, the therapist mentioned that my marriage was not completely lost and he did think telling my husband was not the best idea. He suggested I sit my husband down and tell him how I was feeling. My husband "listened" but did not change any of the behaviors. My husband is not affectionate by nature....hates PDA and even privately is not touchy/feely. The therapist believes I chose a spouse like that as my own father is that way and we go with what we know. I kind of buy into that I guess. Thanks for the comment on ignoring the less than helpful posters...I need to do that as I like the support of this board. To be honest, I would bet a million dollars my husband is happy with the status quo. I am pretty happy on the outside most of the time, so he probably doesn't take me that seriously. (sorry if I messed up the quote thing, new at this!

 

I think your going to have to speak to your husband and explore the reason he doesn't like affection.

 

I have noticed that families that do not touch or hug, tend to produce children that are non affectionate. You say he is also anti-social? Does he suffer from any kind of social anxiety?

 

Also, he does not want to do any kind of marriage therapy.... would he be willing to do Individual Therapy? I think many of his problems need to be handled separately from marriage issues.

[Reggie]

If this guy did not hide who he was when they were contemplating marriage, was it realistic to expect him to change? And, did she hide her need for more affection before the marriage?

 

It's fine to wake up and realize one made a mistake in choosing a partner. The answer is to try to work it out or divorce if that is impossible. But, cheating is not right.

 

Unless it is a form of justifying, why even bring up his pecieved deficiencies? Why be so explicit and derogatory about him? I see it as a way someone who has cheated tries to justify the cheating. Otherwise, why not just leave the "reasons' as " I was unhappy". Why list the problems she perceives him to have and not list her own?

 

We don't see cheaters often admit having poor communication skills, poor problem solving abilities, weak boundaries, neediness and a history of failing to keep commitments. Instead we here about what wonderful, committed people they are with so much affection to give who have no history of breaking promoses. But, if someone is willing to break the marriage vows, how likely is it that he or she was a pargon of integrity before this?

[taylor]

If this guy did not hide who he was when they were contemplating marriage, was it realistic to expect him to change? And, did she hide her need for more affection before the marriage?

 

I don't think either one hid anything before marriage. But I do think people, early on in relationships, and perhaps early on in marriage, try to put their best foot forward to impress the other. I think it takes awhile before each partner truly sees the other for who he or she is. The blinders come off and couples get more relaxed and comfortable to be themselves.

 

I also think that people do naturally change over the years. You aren't exactly the same person at 40 that you were at 20.

 

So marriages and partners are always in constant flux. No one can expect a partner to change; nor can you expect a partner to stay the same.

 

But what you hope for is that your partner will continue to have a desire to make you happy and that you will, likewise, continue to have a desire to make him happy.

 

It's fine to wake up and realize one made a mistake in choosing a partner. The answer is to try to work it out or divorce if that is impossible. But, cheating is not right.

 

I don't think anyone wakes up one day a realizes they made a mistake. But I do think people can and do gradually become unhappy with how a relationship has evolved.

 

I don't recall the OP ever saying it was right to cheat.

 

Unless it is a form of justifying, why even bring up his pecieved deficiencies? Why be so explicit and derogatory about him? I see it as a way someone who has cheated tries to justify the cheating. Otherwise, why not just leave the "reasons' as " I was unhappy". Why list the problems she perceives him to have and not list her own?

 

I can see a dilemma here. How do you tell a spouse you are unhappy or that your needs have changed or that your needs aren't being met without offending him? How can you discuss problems without the spouse getting defensive?

 

For example, if a woman says she would like more foreplay before sex..that would make her happy...how does she tell her husband this without him taking offense..without him saying something like, "Are you telling me you don't like the way I make love to you? I am not a good lover?"

 

How do you discuss your unhappiness and your needs without listing the reasons for your unhappiness or the reasons why you have these particular needs?

 

How should the OP approach her husband and let him know she needs affection to be happy without him getting defensive or feeling like she is blaming him for something? How should she approach without running the risk of it appearing as if she is "blaming" him or making him feel like he is not doing something right?

 

We don't see cheaters often admit having poor communication skills, poor problem solving abilities, weak boundaries, neediness and a history of failing to keep commitments.

 

I think these issues have to be examined on a case by case basis. I don't think it's fair to categorize all WS as poor communicators with poor problem solving skills, weak boundaries, neediness, and history of breaking commitments.

 

In my case, for example, I admit neediness and realize I didn't have strong enough boundaries in place at the time of my affair. Never had trouble with maintaining boundaries prior to that. My husband is not needy and has always maintained strong boundaries.

But I am not a poor communicator. I have excellent verbal and written communication skills. My husband communicates well, but has a much more difficult time expressing innermost feelings.

My husband has excellent problem-solving skills at work, but admits to not being as patient in dealing with matters on the homefront. I also have excellent problem-solving skills at work, but more difficulty separating logic from emotion on the homefront.

Until the affair, neither my husband nor I had any trouble keeping our promises and were faithful to our commitment.

[tchrgrl]

I don't think my husband has any social anxiety issues...just prefers solitude. I do not come here to point out his flaws as a way of justifying my A. I know it was wrong and there is no justification. They are my reasons for going outside my marriage. Like Taylor, I would say that I have great communication skills and really wear my heart on my sleeve. I agree that what attracted you to someone annoys you the most down the road. I am the loud, outgoing one and my husband is the quiet one. That was always a good balance but now that we have kids and stay home more often, a quiet spouse makes for a rather lonely existence. The quiet is not as bad as the lack of affection and I did know that early on and thought it would bother me less. He will not go to IC or MC to discuss any of these issues. He is ignorant in the sense he feels counseling is for "crazy" people. We both have sort of changed since having our children and I never planned to cheat on my H as a way of dealing with this change. It just happened.

[65tr6]

. He will not go to IC or MC to discuss any of these issues. He is ignorant in the sense he feels counseling is for "crazy" people. .

Just a comment here. If my wife had been as communicating as you or taylor and asked me for MC, I really dont know if I would have gone. May be. I still think couples should try to resolve issues between themselves but I now realize the value in seeking for professional help. It is just too much for some to do this on their own.

 

I think it adds LOT of value before you actually tie the knot (or just after) and not when things are going down the hill. Specially when the issue is as serious as Infidilety.

 

After the A I thought I need IC. It is just that the trauma was so devastating that for the first time in my life I was willing to seek out help. And I can tell you this. Grieving ALONE is not fun. But I got through it. I dont feel the need for IC anymore.

 

That does NOT mean I have not changed. Infact changed big time. The A did it for me. It could do it for your husband too but be prepared you never know how he is going to react. My wife admitting the A was the best thing that could have happened to both of us. I cannot live a life that is dishonest and a living lie no matter what kind of professional help the spouses get. Complete honesty is a pre-requisite for the next steps. But then that is just me.

 

I dont know if asked your husband to go to C out of guilt (from the A) or you sincerely tried to fix your marriage. You know best. All I can say is everyone here is trying to help. The more they know the more they can help. Just keep posting. It might just set the ground for you to reveal everything one day to your husband.

[65tr6]

But I am not a poor communicator. I have excellent verbal and written communication skills. My husband communicates well, but has a much more difficult time expressing innermost feelings..

taylor, i have no doubt about your commnicating skills but a quick point here...

 

I am a emotional being (yes, I have no problems in admitting it!) and I strongly believe there are lot of men out there who fit that category. But the trouble is they may not feel comfortable expressing it. Not in front of their wives.

 

I dont know how the A changed your husband, but in my case, besides crying, every bit of emotion that was buried deep in my heart started to come out. It was like constant puking.

 

My husband has excellent problem-solving skills at work, but admits to not being as patient in dealing with matters on the homefront. .

You have just described me. Very impatient that I am. Here is what I realized. Your husband is probably fairly patient at work, (you know we have to live by the rules and such) and there is no reason why one cannot bring the same behavior home. Once I started thinking that way, I felt so much more easy in dealing with it. I am not there yet but I think I got a decent start.

[taylor]

Just a comment here. If my wife had been as communicating as you or taylor and asked me for MC, I really dont know if I would have gone. May be. I still think couples should try to resolve issues between themselves but I now realize the value in seeking for professional help. It is just too much for some to do this on their own.

 

So here lies the dilemma. If there is a breakdown in communication between the couple (which is often the case when there are marital problems), or ineffective communication, or a fear of communication (uncomfortable), what is a couple supposed to do?

 

If one or both partners resist MC or IC, what is the couple supposed to do?

 

Alot of posters here believe WS don't try to communicate issues with their spouse. I don't believe it. I think it's hard NOT to tell that there are troubles in a relationship. You can just feel them, if you are at all invested.

 

If you get a gut feeling your spouse is cheating, surely you had an earlier gut feeling that something had to be out of wack with the marriage. Happy couples don't cheat.

[jj33]

Im not sure that is always true. Sometimes people are unhappy but things continue and people attribute what may be unhappiness to the hectic pace of life, raising children, job or financial stress, personal or family illness etc.

 

Its not always apparent that the trouble is the marriage itself. Some WSs communicate some dont. And just because you are married doesnt mean you suddenly have psychic powers.... if a BS says whats wrong and the WS says its work or something why wouldnt the BS believe them?

[tchrgrl]

Just a comment here. If my wife had been as communicating as you or taylor and asked me for MC, I really dont know if I would have gone. May be. I still think couples should try to resolve issues between themselves but I now realize the value in seeking for professional help. It is just too much for some to do this on their own.

 

I think it adds LOT of value before you actually tie the knot (or just after) and not when things are going down the hill. Specially when the issue is as serious as Infidilety.

 

After the A I thought I need IC. It is just that the trauma was so devastating that for the first time in my life I was willing to seek out help. And I can tell you this. Grieving ALONE is not fun. But I got through it. I dont feel the need for IC anymore.

 

That does NOT mean I have not changed. Infact changed big time. The A did it for me. It could do it for your husband too but be prepared you never know how he is going to react. My wife admitting the A was the best thing that could have happened to both of us. I cannot live a life that is dishonest and a living lie no matter what kind of professional help the spouses get. Complete honesty is a pre-requisite for the next steps. But then that is just me.

 

I dont know if asked your husband to go to C out of guilt (from the A) or you sincerely tried to fix your marriage. You know best. All I can say is everyone here is trying to help. The more they know the more they can help. Just keep posting. It might just set the ground for you to reveal everything one day to your husband.

 

I asked my husband about MC a few years back prior to A. I have already stated his opinion on any kind of counseling. I appreciate everyone trying to help. Not to disappoint, but I will not tell my husband about the affair EVER. I plan to take that to my grave.

[65tr6]

If one or both partners resist MC or IC, what is the couple supposed to do?

 

You said you were happily married (by the way that does not guarantee that there wont be affairs even though chances are less) before. Look around you taylor...how many couples do you see that you think are happily married ? I know hundreds of them (within my family circles, my friends, collegaues) and I honestly have seen just ONE example where I can say our marraige would like to emulate them. Let us get realistic. Only 4 or 5% ever make it to vintage love (not my statistic/quote but burrowed shamelessly) and over 90% are indeed in a given up relationship. I am not saying that is bad but knowing what I know about relationships now, I do not want ever go back to a given up relationship.

 

Back to your question, If a couple has a problem, what are they supposed to do ?

 

Three options

 

1) Give up and continue to live their life and pray it gets better. Actually it does "better" in most cases not because of the quality of life but they just get used to it...(I would love to expand on this but not now may be much later)

2) Divorce

3) FIX IT ! (and hopefully work towards vintage love)

 

As you can see, affair is NOT an option.

 

MC could come into play in the 3rd option but again the work/realization has to come from within first. Starts at home and then you bring in the experts. I have seen statistics where MC was not useful all, or Divorce Cs disguised as MCs. So I am a bit skeptic there. That does not mean I will not seek their help but I strongly believe that couples have to do lot of homework before they approach one. Someone has to take charge and bring the other spouse's attention, if need be. Difficult but not impossible.

 

While on the other hand, weekend marriage builders might be a better idea.

 

Just my opinion. I will probably get hammered for saying this. And that's ok.

 

If you get a gut feeling your spouse is cheating, surely you had an earlier gut feeling that something had to be out of wack with the marriage. Happy couples don't cheat.

This actually wont apply in my case. Because I, not for a second, thought that my wife was cheating. Forget cheating, I never thought she was even capable of lying. So I cant really comment here..

[taylor]

Let us get realistic. Only 4 or 5% ever make it to vintage love (not my statistic/quote but burrowed shamelessly) and over 90% are indeed in a given up relationship.

 

These are depressing statistics. Makes you wonder if there really is any hope for those of us in committed realtionships.

 

 

 

Three options

 

1) Give up and continue to live their life and pray it gets better. Actually it does "better" in most cases not because of the quality of life but they just get used to it...(I would love to expand on this but not now may be much later)

2) Divorce

3) FIX IT ! (and hopefully work towards vintage love)

 

As you can see, affair is NOT an option.

 

The first option is not appealing at all. It's choosing to NOT live life to the fullest. To waste your life, in a way.

 

The second option is not appealing, either. Divorce is a drastic move. It disrupts many lives. It's painful. It can be nasty. And it can be financially and emotionally draining. Some avoid it at all costs for whatever reason.

 

The third option is the most appealing if the good outweighs the bad in the marriage. But if there is already a breakdown in communication and a resistance to professional help, how is a couple supposed to fix the marriage? If they can't or don't utilize the tools necessary to fix the marriage, how is it possible to reach the goals this option is designed to achieve? Marriages don't fix themselves and I don't see how a marriage can be fixed without effective communication or professional help. Sure, a couple can easily say, "Yeah, let's fix it." But if they don't know how to fix it, they go nowhere.

 

Unfortunately, affairs ARE an option. People choose this option every day. No, it is not a good option. It's a temporary fix or escape from a bad marriage. And it heaps more problems on the marriage. Nonetheless, it remains an option that many take. And I would venture to guess that a substantial number of people who take this option are ones who reject option one, want to avoid option two, and have lost hope that option three can work in their circumstances.

 

 

 

While on the other hand, weekend marriage builders might be a better idea.

 

I agree with this, 65. The Retrouvaille program my husband and I participated in about a month after D-day was an excellent start to marriage recovery. I recommend it to anyone. Marriage Encounter is another excellent program for ANY married couple. The difference between these programs is one "saves", the other, "revitalizes."