1.5 years later. Still dead inside

[neowulf]

Hi,

 

It's been a while, but given the positive experience I had last time I posted here I thought it would be worth a try.

 

A year and a half ago, my girlfriend of 6 years and I split. It was a painful and awful experience for all involved.

 

I was unfaithful. I didn't sleep with the other woman (it was more an emotional affair than a physical one), but that's really just splitting hairs. I cheated and she found out.

 

Something inside of me broke that day. The day she found out. I can still see the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice. Understanding in that moment what exactly I'd done and how much pain I'd caused her. The betrayal of trust, the destruction of our friendship.

 

I can't get over it. I'm trapped in that moment. I can't forgive myself. Since it happened I've felt dead inside. I can't feel anything. I feel like I go through every day just emulating feelings. A friend of mine recently said to me "Your expressions never reach your eyes...".

 

Before the breakup, I was a deeply passionate person. I felt very deeply about things. As stupid as my actions were, I was completely in love with my girlfriend. More than anyone I've ever loved in my life. More than some of my own family. As one counselor put it, I was deeply in love with my girlfriend, but the nature of the relationship just wasn't going to work.

 

Cheating was more than just a betrayal of her trust. It was a betrayal of self. Of my moral code and my personal values. I wanted to believe I was better than that. That I was a decent person, with decent values. Someone honest and loyal. Not a cheating scumbag.

 

Some friends of mine think I might be suffering from clinical depression, that I should get help, drugs etc.

 

I don't know. I feel some days like there's a war going on within me. Half of me wants to move forward, to believe it's ok to make mistakes, so long as you learn from them. That as stupid and selfish as cheating was, it doesn't have to define me for the rest of my life.

 

The other part of me wants me to suffer. Endlessly. Not die... being dead would be an easy out. It wants to make sure I *never* feel love again.

That I'm never given the chance again to hurt another person like I hurt her. Never given the chance again to hurt myself like that. It sabotages any attempts to move on. It makes me feel empty and worthless. It derails me when ever I attempt to seek help (forget appointments, make excuses not to go...).

 

Lately, that destructive part of my nature appears to be gaining ground. It's getting easier and easier to just give in. To just accept that I've had my chance at happiness. That I'll just live till I'm dead and forget about any chance of ever really being happy.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[EmperorR]

Ya you cheated but it's in the past, you can't let the guilt etc. keep eating you up inside. You have to slap yourself wake up in the morning and say I will not let my past hold me down and go out and grasp the world.

 

You can't change the past, you can't change what you did, all you can do is change the present by letting go of the guilt and destructive nature. 1.5 years is enough man you can do it.

 

I never thought I'd eer give a cheater advice as being in your ex's shoes but I feel it for you no one deserves to carry that pain that long.

 

Quick questions do you still talk to your ex?

[neowulf]

Ya you cheated but it's in the past, you can't let the guilt etc. keep eating you up inside. You have to slap yourself wake up in the morning and say I will not let my past hold me down and go out and grasp the world.

 

You can't change the past, you can't change what you did, all you can do is change the present by letting go of the guilt and destructive nature. 1.5 years is enough man you can do it.

 

I never thought I'd eer give a cheater advice as being in your ex's shoes but I feel it for you no one deserves to carry that pain that long.

 

Quick questions do you still talk to your ex?

 

We talk from time to time. I've tried to make myself scarce, but occassional she'll SMS me saying "Did you want to catch up for a coffee" and I can't bring myself to say no.

 

I like seeing her. I like sitting down and talking with her. Seeing how she's doing. How her family are. She was my best friend. I still miss her terribly.

 

Yet every time I see her, afterwards, I go home and cry my eyes out. It just brings it all back. It reminds me of what I've done. The fact that we can sit and chat like old times makes me feel like I'm reliving a memory from happier times. I can't stand it.

 

Your advice isn't new. People have said I need to let it go. I can't. I've tried. I have no idea how. It's always there. As I said, it's like part of me refuses to let me move on. It doesn't want me to go on. It wants to end me.

[EmperorR]

We talk from time to time. I've tried to make myself scarce, but occassional she'll SMS me saying "Did you want to catch up for a coffee" and I can't bring myself to say no.

 

I like seeing her. I like sitting down and talking with her. Seeing how she's doing. How her family are. She was my best friend. I still miss her terribly.

 

Yet every time I see her, afterwards, I go home and cry my eyes out. It just brings it all back. It reminds me of what I've done. The fact that we can sit and chat like old times makes me feel like I'm reliving a memory from happier times. I can't stand it.

 

Your advice isn't new. People have said I need to let it go. I can't. I've tried. I have no idea how. It's always there. As I said, it's like part of me refuses to let me move on. It doesn't want me to go on. It wants to end me.

 

You won't heal trust me until you let it go. At the state your in seeing her etc. is just like opening up a old wound over and over again. You have to go total NC to cut her off so you can heal, once you heal you can be friends agan with her if you want.

 

Put yourself first, do you want to live yeras like this? faking the fake in front of her etc., while inside and every day it's eating you inside.

 

Heck my ex cheated on me and dumped me and ran to another man, and I was still her friend like a idiot because she was my only friend, but the pain was unbearable I couldn't take it anymore, so I had to make a decision continue feeling like crap and being hurt daily or go NC cut her off and heal myself. 4 months later I'm healed not looking back dating someone new, and I'm not interested at all in being friends with my ex fiance or her family again.

 

You can't let go if you continue to talk to her, go out to coffee with her like a best friend. You can't be a friend or even a best friend to her if you have feelings for her it doesn't work that way man trust me.

[alwayssme]

I am so sorry to read you're feeling hurt for that long...

 

 

One thing i must tell you, you're a good person for being so remorsefull...people are cruel and heartless and yet feel NOTHING for others pain...but thats another story...

 

 

My ex cheated on me emotionally..long sotry..and his excuse was "i love you but i like her too blah blah" he said it like it was so normal and nope i wish he felt as remorseful as you...also i know so soooo many people who cheat emotionally and physically....belive me i am not saying this to make u feel better, you're one of millions or evern billions...were all human,things happen...trust me i hurt my ex so bad at one point, i will never forget the look in his eyes and how much he cried and everytime i think of it, it hurts me but i am not going to let it eat me up inside because honestly whats done is done and all i can give is my sincere apology....i feel for you and i know what its like when you're given advice like this and you cant really apply it to yourself...i know its not as easy as it sounds...forgiving yourself, esp. when u blame yourself for losing the one you love but honestly please please try your best to get past this...i dont want u to hurt...and i think therapy would be good....

[PinkToes]

arrggh. I wrote a response that apparently got eaten by gremlins, so I'm going to try to remember what I wanted to say.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I heard somewhere that a 'regret' is mostly a mistake you didn't learn from. Clearly, you have learned from this situation, so hopefully you will also be able to let go of the regret.

 

I was on the other side of the same situation, when my fiance had an emotional affair. It was horribly painful for me, but for his part, he was never able to understand how I felt. He could recognize that he had made a mistake, and I think he had some intellectual understanding of what he put me through. But that's as far as he could go. His main contribution to the aftermath seemed to be avoidance. And later, he got defensive, and then angry with me for finding out they were still communicating.

 

I would have given anything for him to have handled the situation the way you were able to. Your commitment to not only apologizing for the episode but truly understanding your girlfriend's pain was a tremendous gift. A lot of people aren't able to do that.

 

You have done everything you can to make things right. And I'm guessing that all the introspection you've gone through over the past year and a half have pretty much assured that you will never do that again. This is also a gift, to the next woman you're involved with. Because everyone makes mistakes. What sets you apart is how deeply you learn and grow from your mistakes. Do you realize how rare this is?

 

You are not the mistake. It has no power over you now. You are the strong, caring, ethical person you always were. You are the person you were before this happened. But in the light of day, you are stifling that person by focusing on the mistake.

 

Now basically, I think this is what happened:

 

You were a loving, caring man, who fell in love with a great woman.

 

You did something you aren't proud of; something you feel compromised the deepest goodness within you.

 

You acknowledged that mistake, and did everything in your power to understand the pain it caused someone you loved. You listened to her, you heard what she was saying. You made sure she knew how bad you felt about what happened.

 

Now that incident is over. You put it to rest. There is nothing more that can be done. It was a mistake that your learned from. No regrets.

 

You are still the same person you were before. Temporarily behaving in a way that runs counter to the ideals you believe in does not devalue you or your ideals. You are still you. A smarter, more understanding version of you. You have learned and grown.

 

I have forgiven my ex-fiance for his deceit, even though he never did quite understand my feelings. But I know he didn't intend to hurt me, and I know he handled the situation the best way he could.

 

So have you. Your introspection and your sensitivity and your insight into the way your behavior affects other people are a tremendous gift; and it's possible you may not have been aware of that gift before this situation.

 

The best thing you can do now is to forgive yourself. You have completed the cycle of making a mistake, acknowledging it, and vowing to never do it again. That is all you can do. Dwelling on it, or living in fear that you might hurt someone else is too high a price to pay -- especially for something that is firmly planted in the past.

 

It's over, and you did everything you could to put things right. Now it's time for you to reclaim the beautiful spirit that's been suffering so needlessly for so long. You deserve to love and be loved, without fear, and without sadness. You sound like an amazing man, and I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one who feels this way. Take care.

[sedgwick]

I feel the same way, and it's been a year and a half for me too. The difference was that I loved him totally and fully and would never in a million years have done anything to hurt him. I loved him in a way I've never loved anyone before. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and to him I wasn't even good enough to KNOW. We were together for almost a year, and here it's been that and half again and I'm nowhere near over him.

 

He dumped me because we don't have the exact same career. I'm a writer and dancer, he's a bass player. He woke up one morning, told me he just couldn't be with someone who wasn't a musician, walked out the door and left me sobbing and telling him I would always love him unconditionally for exactly the person he is. I told him I knew I wasn't good enough for him but he would always be good enough for me. And I never saw him again, and he doesn't speak to me.

 

I cannot figure out what I did, but I've been tortured for a year and a half trying to figure it out, and beating myself up mercilessly for not being as talented as he is. I am not a joyful person anymore. I feel dead. I feel like I will never measure up to what anyone wants me to be. He dumped me two weeks after I sold my first book, and what should have been the happiest, most creative time of my life was like slogging through mud. All I could think as I wrote the thing was that it wasn't music so it really didn't matter, and the day I turned it in I cried because he knew the due date and didn't call me.

 

So I have assumed that he just waltzed off happy as a clam and never gave me another thought. I figured he found his fiddle player (he specifically wanted her to play old-time fiddle) and that I've never even come up in their conversations. It makes me feel kind of good to know that you've felt some sorrow over having left your girlfriend. It makes me think that maybe, maybe, maybe, just one time since he dumped me, he has felt a little bit bad about it. But that's very hard for me to believe. I just assume it was all my fault for not being the right kind of artist, and I'm not sure I'll ever have any faith in my artmaking again. Now, it will always just be "not music."

 

He destroyed me. I wonder sometimes if I've punished myself enough, but it doesn't feel like I ever will. I wish he could know how sorry I am.

[neowulf]

Thank you all for your kind words, understanding and support.

 

I've decided to go back into therapy again to try and work through the issues of guilt I'm carrying with me.

 

I've also decided to say a final goodbye to my ex-girlfriend. I'm going to ask that she no longer contact me. That as much as I'll always care about her, I need the time and space to heal myself.

 

Upon reflection, I feel I've learnt some very valuable lessons about the fragile nature of relationships and love. My only hope is that I'm wise enough to see the warnings in advance and make better decisions in the future.

 

I suppose it's normal to have good days and bad ones. I'm not sure I'll ever be the person I was before my mistake, but perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps the new me can be a smarter, wiser version of me.

 

It means a lot to me to know that a place like LoveShack exists, where people can share their grief and get the support they need.

[neowulf]

I feel the same way, and it's been a year and a half for me too. The difference was that I loved him totally and fully and would never in a million years have done anything to hurt him. I loved him in a way I've never loved anyone before. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and to him I wasn't even good enough to KNOW. We were together for almost a year, and here it's been that and half again and I'm nowhere near over him.

 

He dumped me because we don't have the exact same career. I'm a writer and dancer, he's a bass player. He woke up one morning, told me he just couldn't be with someone who wasn't a musician, walked out the door and left me sobbing and telling him I would always love him unconditionally for exactly the person he is. I told him I knew I wasn't good enough for him but he would always be good enough for me. And I never saw him again, and he doesn't speak to me.

 

I cannot figure out what I did, but I've been tortured for a year and a half trying to figure it out, and beating myself up mercilessly for not being as talented as he is. I am not a joyful person anymore. I feel dead. I feel like I will never measure up to what anyone wants me to be. He dumped me two weeks after I sold my first book, and what should have been the happiest, most creative time of my life was like slogging through mud. All I could think as I wrote the thing was that it wasn't music so it really didn't matter, and the day I turned it in I cried because he knew the due date and didn't call me.

 

So I have assumed that he just waltzed off happy as a clam and never gave me another thought. I figured he found his fiddle player (he specifically wanted her to play old-time fiddle) and that I've never even come up in their conversations. It makes me feel kind of good to know that you've felt some sorrow over having left your girlfriend. It makes me think that maybe, maybe, maybe, just one time since he dumped me, he has felt a little bit bad about it. But that's very hard for me to believe. I just assume it was all my fault for not being the right kind of artist, and I'm not sure I'll ever have any faith in my artmaking again. Now, it will always just be "not music."

 

He destroyed me. I wonder sometimes if I've punished myself enough, but it doesn't feel like I ever will. I wish he could know how sorry I am.

 

Forgive me for saying, but it seems like he didn't really appreciate or love you for you. Respect and trust are the cornerstones of love and it doesn't seem to me that he gave you much of either.

 

You have your own unique gifts to bring to the world and you shouldn't allow others to decide on the value of these things. You shouldn't have to "earn" someone's love and respect. If they truly love you, it'll be just as you are.

 

It's hard, I know, yet the first step in recover is learning to love and respect yourself again.

 

The road is a long one, but the sooner you take that first step, the sooner you can start to feel better about yourself again.

 

I wish you luck. Learn to value and love yourself and I'm sure another amazing person will come into your life.

[alwayssme]

I feel the same way, and it's been a year and a half for me too. The difference was that I loved him totally and fully and would never in a million years have done anything to hurt him. I loved him in a way I've never loved anyone before. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and to him I wasn't even good enough to KNOW. We were together for almost a year, and here it's been that and half again and I'm nowhere near over him.

 

He dumped me because we don't have the exact same career. I'm a writer and dancer, he's a bass player. He woke up one morning, told me he just couldn't be with someone who wasn't a musician, walked out the door and left me sobbing and telling him I would always love him unconditionally for exactly the person he is. I told him I knew I wasn't good enough for him but he would always be good enough for me. And I never saw him again, and he doesn't speak to me.

 

I cannot figure out what I did, but I've been tortured for a year and a half trying to figure it out, and beating myself up mercilessly for not being as talented as he is. I am not a joyful person anymore. I feel dead. I feel like I will never measure up to what anyone wants me to be. He dumped me two weeks after I sold my first book, and what should have been the happiest, most creative time of my life was like slogging through mud. All I could think as I wrote the thing was that it wasn't music so it really didn't matter, and the day I turned it in I cried because he knew the due date and didn't call me.

 

So I have assumed that he just waltzed off happy as a clam and never gave me another thought. I figured he found his fiddle player (he specifically wanted her to play old-time fiddle) and that I've never even come up in their conversations. It makes me feel kind of good to know that you've felt some sorrow over having left your girlfriend. It makes me think that maybe, maybe, maybe, just one time since he dumped me, he has felt a little bit bad about it. But that's very hard for me to believe. I just assume it was all my fault for not being the right kind of artist, and I'm not sure I'll ever have any faith in my artmaking again. Now, it will always just be "not music."

 

He destroyed me. I wonder sometimes if I've punished myself enough, but it doesn't feel like I ever will. I wish he could know how sorry I am.

 

 

you didnt do nothin wrong!!!!! what is his problem?? im sorry but i've read your posts here and u seem like a really genuine good person...i think the whole musician crap was BS and not the real reason he left cuz are u kidding me??? the heart doesnt care whether ur a musician or whatever....im sorry for the pain u have been through...and no he is an ASS for doing that to you...--hugs!!

[BackonTrack2]

I to lost the one I love and it still hurts. I have not spoken to that female in about 1 year and as I am writing this, tears are streaming down my cheek. I don't know what else to say except I was like you and I would not let go, I waited for her to come back for about 8 or 9 months, she never did because she never cared, or atleast that is the lie I tell myself to keep going.

 

I still can't believe it sometimes but in the end it was never meant to be regardless of whois fault it was. There is nothing I could tell you to help you move on, you are the one who is going to have to decide when enough is enough, more than likely though, the main thing I realize out of this whole ordeal is that if you build bonds with another, it tends to push your past lover into another realm, into another section of your mind.

 

I know me personally, I don't know if I will ever forget her, but I am remembering less and less as each day goes by. I don't think you should contiune to talk to this female because all its doing is making you remember the hurt she caused you.

 

Inorder to let go or move on, I think you have to pretend as if she never existed and forget about that life. Atleast thats how I am doing it, I lie to myself everyday and one day I will start to believe these things I am telling myself.

"she never loved you", "it was all a lie".

 

I know all these feelings will go away once I find another to love so I am just bidding my time.

 

Good Luck to you.

[neowulf]

I to lost the one I love and it still hurts. I have not spoken to that female in about 1 year and as I am writing this, tears are streaming down my cheek. I don't know what else to say except I was like you and I would not let go, I waited for her to come back for about 8 or 9 months, she never did because she never cared, or atleast that is the lie I tell myself to keep going.

 

I still can't believe it sometimes but in the end it was never meant to be regardless of whois fault it was. There is nothing I could tell you to help you move on, you are the one who is going to have to decide when enough is enough, more than likely though, the main thing I realize out of this whole ordeal is that if you build bonds with another, it tends to push your past lover into another realm, into another section of your mind.

 

I know me personally, I don't know if I will ever forget her, but I am remembering less and less as each day goes by. I don't think you should contiune to talk to this female because all its doing is making you remember the hurt she caused you.

 

Inorder to let go or move on, I think you have to pretend as if she never existed and forget about that life. Atleast thats how I am doing it, I lie to myself everyday and one day I will start to believe these things I am telling myself.

"she never loved you", "it was all a lie".

 

I know all these feelings will go away once I find another to love so I am just bidding my time.

 

Good Luck to you.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your own loss. You're right of course. In the end it doesn't really achieve anything assigning blame. The relationship is over and there's no going back.

 

I invested a huge amount of time, energy and resources into the 6 years I was with my partner. She was my best friend. We did everything together. There wasn't a day that went by when we didn't talk.

 

She was one of the few people I could talk with for days on end and never get bored. She was always coming out with interesting ideas, things she'd read or seen. She was such a rare and unique individual in so many ways.

 

It stings to think that the only way I can move past her is to forget her. I do not wish to forget what it was like to love like that. Of course, thinking like that only makes me bitter.

 

I worry that I'll spend the rest of my life reflecting back on that love with her. That everything and everyone after it will pale in comparison. I know she wasn't perfect.

 

There were things about the relationship that would have never worked in the long term. Compromises I made that I simply wouldn't have been able to deal with over the long haul. Yet, for all her faults, I loved her.

 

I'd give anything to go back and undo what I did. Just to know that I was man enough to end the relationship properly, giving her the respect she deserved. I know I can't change the past. That I'll just have to live with the mistake.

 

Hopefully one day I'll figure out how exactly to forgive myself for it.

[BackonTrack2]

After reading your response, I realized that you are still actively hurting.

You have to dis-engage that female or else you won't heal.

Your only hurting your self.

You have to go NC or else you will stay stuck like this.

 

Its not about HER anymore, its about you and your mental well-being and if you continue on this path, it's just going to take you LONGER to recover, and find someone new.

 

I wish you the best.

[sedgwick]

Forgive me for saying, but it seems like he didn't really appreciate or love you for you.

 

Believe me, I know. I know the kind(s) of artist I am are not enough. I am now really embarrassed about being a writer/bellydancer/filmmaker/knitter -- all those things, I now know, pale in comparison to playing the bass.

 

When you have a girlfriend who wants to bellydance naked for you while wrapping the cashmere scarf she just knitted you around your neck, and you leave her for not being a square-dance musician, that will pretty much destroy her self-confidence forever. Before I knew him, I was proud of what I did. Now I'm just like this shellshocked kicked animal with PTSD or something.

[northstar1]

Believe me, I know. I know the kind(s) of artist I am are not enough. I am now really embarrassed about being a writer/bellydancer/filmmaker/knitter -- all those things, I now know, pale in comparison to playing the bass.

 

When you have a girlfriend who wants to bellydance naked for you while wrapping the cashmere scarf she just knitted you around your neck, and you leave her for not being a square-dance musician, that will pretty much destroy her self-confidence forever. Before I knew him, I was proud of what I did. Now I'm just like this shellshocked kicked animal with PTSD or something.

 

Oh please. The bass player is the least known musician in any band, unless you are Getty Lee or John Entwhistle. Stop making excuses for this dude.

 

Your confidence need not be destroyed, unless you want it to be.

You have lived with this pain long enough I think.

 

Get out there and embrace the writing and arts community. There are many guys who find authors sexy as hell for their intelligence and creativity.

[selena_cat]

If you Truly truly deep inside your gut believe that you and this woman are to be together than you must stop all the crying,depressing an stressing

i truly believe in the LOA law of attraction,

Yes sounds gimmicky but its not

i read alot on this subject and i notice once I work at feeling better about myself , i kid you not

I start getting more positive responses,from the person I truly want to hear from

now, I dont always follow this to the T,and think positive and get into pity parties, but those are not going to help the situation

but believe me you will feel a whole lot better if you make an effort to take care of yourself,mentally,spiritually,and ohysically, working out, eating healthy,getting sleep. but first thing first.

Thats the first step

do things to make you feel better,and better yet read anything on

power of intention

I follow these webites alot

 

http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/yess-you-can-attract-your-ex

 

http://powerfulintent.ning.com/forum/topics/getting-your-ex-lover-back

 

 

 

I hope this help, and I know this is going against the grain of things,somehow your mind doesnt want to let go

so why dont you quit fighting this and start making

yourself feel better so when she does contact you

you'd be positive,calm..and must i stress this

talk to someone you trust,counselor,family friend, that support system

good luck!

[ITSTIMETOMOVEON]

W

Your advice isn't new. People have said I need to let it go. I can't. I've tried. I have no idea how. It's always there. As I said, it's like part of me refuses to let me move on. It doesn't want me to go on. It wants to end me.

 

Letting go means tolerating negative emotion but not taking any action to contact your ex.

 

You still miss them, but you're still feeling your powerlessness for not having them in your life.

 

Then you write about it on a forum and other posters make you focus on it more, so they symphathize about it more, and you never solve the problem.

 

THe problem isn't your ex; the problem is that you don't know how to manage your own feelings about how you deal with a break up.

 

And you don't deal with a break up by not getting in contact with your emotions. If you feel depressed emotions, the only real way to get out of it to BITCH AND GET ANGRY AND STICK UP FOR YOURSELF THAT YOU ****ING MEAN SOMETHING AND YOU ****ING DESERVE A RELATIONSHIP AND ANY BITCH WHO DOESN"T GIVE THAT TO YOU CAN SCREW OFF.

 

Try it. You'll find improvement.

 

Or you could go back to your old self, not get angry, and continue to tell everyone that it's not fair that your ex broke up with you.

[neowulf]

Letting go means tolerating negative emotion but not taking any action to contact your ex.

 

You still miss them, but you're still feeling your powerlessness for not having them in your life.

 

Then you write about it on a forum and other posters make you focus on it more, so they symphathize about it more, and you never solve the problem.

 

THe problem isn't your ex; the problem is that you don't know how to manage your own feelings about how you deal with a break up.

 

And you don't deal with a break up by not getting in contact with your emotions. If you feel depressed emotions, the only real way to get out of it to BITCH AND GET ANGRY AND STICK UP FOR YOURSELF THAT YOU ****ING MEAN SOMETHING AND YOU ****ING DESERVE A RELATIONSHIP AND ANY BITCH WHO DOESN"T GIVE THAT TO YOU CAN SCREW OFF.

 

Try it. You'll find improvement.

 

Or you could go back to your old self, not get angry, and continue to tell everyone that it's not fair that your ex broke up with you.

 

Getting angry about things has never resulted in anything positive in my life.

 

I've struggled with my temper for a long time. Giving into it has almost always resulted in a destructive outcome for me. The last thing I want to do is take a step backwards. Do I still get angry? Sure, but I try to get angry over things that I can actually affect.

 

Besides, I'm not angry at my ex. I don't blame her for being who she was, for us not working out. I know she wasn't perfect, but she was an amazing woman just the same. I don't see I have to demonize her to move on.

 

As for being fair, I'm well aware of how "unfair" life is. That however doesn't make it any easier to accept. Believing "life is ****, then you die" is hardly an uplifting belief to carry around within you.

 

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting on a forum like this. Perhaps focusing on the past is part of my issue. Yet at the end of the day, you talk about processing emotions and where else can I do that?

 

If I can't talk about what's happened and try to get new perspectives, I'm left to listen to the endless chatter inside my head.

 

Anyways, I haven't posted on LS for a very long time. I suppose my original post was made in a moment of weakness, when I was at a pretty low point.

 

Thank you for taking the time to offer your insights.

[alwayssme]

Segwick---being a bellydancer is HOT!!!! I LOVE bellydancing i think its amazing and most guys find it very sexy too...

 

 

and newolf i read your story from 2 years ago to see how i could help...and you said you left her because u didnt see yourself marrying her or had fallen out of love with her??? can u explain? im kind of confused at what happened and how come you're still hurting if you were the one to end it..is it just the guilt part??

[BackonTrack2]

Getting angry about things has never resulted in anything positive in my life.

 

I've struggled with my temper for a long time. Giving into it has almost always resulted in a destructive outcome for me. The last thing I want to do is take a step backwards. Do I still get angry? Sure, but I try to get angry over things that I can actually affect.

 

Besides, I'm not angry at my ex. I don't blame her for being who she was, for us not working out. I know she wasn't perfect, but she was an amazing woman just the same. I don't see I have to demonize her to move on.

 

As for being fair, I'm well aware of how "unfair" life is. That however doesn't make it any easier to accept. Believing "life is ****, then you die" is hardly an uplifting belief to carry around within you.

 

Perhaps I shouldn't be posting on a forum like this. Perhaps focusing on the past is part of my issue. Yet at the end of the day, you talk about processing emotions and where else can I do that?

 

If I can't talk about what's happened and try to get new perspectives, I'm left to listen to the endless chatter inside my head.

 

Anyways, I haven't posted on LS for a very long time. I suppose my original post was made in a moment of weakness, when I was at a pretty low point.

 

Thank you for taking the time to offer your insights.

 

 

Dude what don't you not understand? You remind me of my EX, you feel guilty, the tone of your post says it all. In addition, your stuck in limbo, something is wrong with you.

 

In addition, how you expect to move on if you stay in contact with this women, you will never heal.

 

Maybe you should keep posting so people can keep bashing you and telling you "what the fawk are you doing??"

 

What are you really doing? Its been 1.5 years and your still pittying yourself. I only did that for about 8 months personally until my head started to hurt, and my body literally forced me to move on, I didn't even want too, I don't know how you tolerate that much pain within you...

 

Why do you think its your fault?? Its not your fault and life is GOOD. You need to end all communication with this female, its destroying you. I bet you haven't even dated another... Have you???

 

I bet there is probably someone out there that wants to date YOU, but your still pittying yourself, you didn't even go for it... You are the only one doing this to yourself and 1.5 years is LONG ENOUGH, you don't need to keep talking about something that happen so long ago.. Think about it...

 

It was 1.5 years, or 547 days or 13128 hours ago... Thats to LONG TIME. TOO LONG. You need to move on man, and end contact with this female or find someone knew, you really need to stop wallowing about....

 

Your the only one doing this to yourself.

 

In the end, she is only one person, a female, there are plenty more.. Plenty more...

[selena_cat]

lol,Backontrack, you need to give me an online wooping too! many times i falter and do exactly what this poster is doing

but not trying to run his life,it would be a great idea for him to seek a trusted counselor,we all know friends can get tired of hearing things over and over so thats when 'extra' help is needed,its working for me,its a working process

its interesting to know that i'm not the only one sometimes to stress over a guy for ages, but it takes work. lots of work to get yoursef unhooked from a person, its an addiction i believe like anything else when it engulfs your mind and cant fuction,not say im in that road but its understandable what he's going through

but he has to be willing to do what it takes to do so,hope he does

and wish him all the best

of not, he has to get back on LS for some A Backontrack wooping to straighten up and fly right!

sorry,i had to say this