He swears he didn't cheat, i'm not totally convinced..

[sarah8688]

So I have been dating my bf for almost 6 months now, and we have grown a little distant. We are both in the military, and no we haven't been deployed overseas in our relationship but it still is hard.

He is a sweetheart...always there when I need him, and really seems like the movie-boyfriend type. I am so in love! Sounds awesome huh?

Well, he went home for the holidays and i stayed in Cali. We started to drift off a little bit around then, I would casually send him 'i miss you' and stuff, but he just seemed a little off. I started to notice he didn't send the sweet texts he used to. I shrugged it off and just thought that it was the usual mellowing out of a relationship...we were comfy.

 

Well, he gets back and the next day he goes to the post office, and he left his phone. I am a very curious person, and it is my downfall. I look at his texts. I see a text from his friend stating "How was megans?" and his answer was "I was afraid you'd ask that question" and then I looked further and saw a text to this megan girl--"Where are we sleeping tonite, babe?"

Well the moment i saw that i flipped out and when i confronted him, he swore he didnt cheat (he has been cheated on by his ex gf of three years while in iraq) and that he loved me. He said that there was a party at megan's house and they slept over because they were too drunk to drive, and he always called his friends that were girls back home babe. I believed him.

Well, just last week, he accidently left himself logged into his email. I snooped, and what i found still gives me a sick feeling. In his sent box i found his half-naked pics of himself he sent me, but he sent them to some email i didn't recognize from craigslist. Two were asking "what would you do with it?" and the other was "hi, my name is matt and i am 22, 165 lbs and just looking for some fun while i am home on leave."

I confronted him...and he swore he didn't and that he didn't know why he did that. But later on said that it was a joke that he and his friends did while he was home. And I was so frustrated i was almost out of tears. He still said he never cheated nor even thought of it and that he loves me more than anything.

 

I love him so much, and I don't know what to think. I believe he loves me, but I still worry. I know i have a trust issue, but that is me, I did trust him. But it takes time to build trust, but only suspicion to break it.

 

Now we are doing better, he is stressed out because of work, but he has been trying to be more attentive to me. Yet I just don't want to be blinded...

 

 

I really need advice...im starting to think I am getting paranoid and crazy.....

[jasminetea]

im starting to think I am getting paranoid and crazy.....

 

Which is how pretty much every man that's cheated has managed to make his other half feel

 

Trust your instincts.

[Geishawhelk]

I confronted him...and he swore he didn't and that he didn't know why he did that. But later on said that it was a joke that he and his friends did while he was home. And I was so frustrated i was almost out of tears. He still said he never cheated nor even thought of it and that he loves me more than anything.

 

First he changes his story, then he downright lies.... of course he'd thought of it, or else he wouldn't have written -

"what would you do with it?" and "hi, my name is matt and i am 22, 165 lbs and just looking for some fun while i am home on leave."

 

Oldest trick in the world - to involve or blame your mates saying it was just a prank.

My partner calls me, babe. Never, in a million years of sundays, would he ever think of calling anyone else that.

 

It's disrespectful, inconsiderable and stupid to do something like this.

 

 

I love him so much, and I don't know what to think. I believe he loves me, but I still worry. I know i have a trust issue, but that is me, I did trust him. But it takes time to build trust, but only suspicion to break it.

You're not the one with the issues here. And even if you were and he knew about them - why feed into them? No, believe me, he's betrayed your trust. No issue there.....

 

Now we are doing better, he is stressed out because of work, but he has been trying to be more attentive to me. Yet I just don't want to be blinded...

Well get rid of the dog, white cane and dark specs. Because you are.....

He's being more attentive for one of two reasons:

 

Guilt,

or

smokescreen.

I really need advice...im starting to think I am getting paranoid and crazy.....

No what you need is to kick this player to the kerb and to get out.

[ReeWoo]

If he didn't cheat it's because no one wanted him . . . imo, he wanted to cheat and did all that he could to cheat.

[JackJack]

To the OP, go back and re-read your post....especially the parts about, "Where are we sleeping tonight babe?" The part about, him sending naked pics to craigslist...and the part about what Geisha said, about him changing his story and then just plain lying.

 

You're not crazy...you obviously know something isn't right or you wouldn't be here asking for advice on this......

 

The questions is, What do you plan on doing now?

[serialgf]

in defense of the babe comment... i have always had a boyfriend and i can think of two or three male friends who usually call me "babe"... people have different terms of endearment

 

that being said, i think you are perfectly reasonable in your thinking. i think it was reasonable when you let the megan text thing go but i think this craigslist email thing is a big red flag that at the very least, even if he didn't cheat, he doesn't really value your relationship...

 

on the other hand, you did find alll this out by snooping through his things, which did give you vital info but is just generally wrong - it shows you don't trust him

 

then again he's obviously not giving you any reason to trust him, but snooping is wrong either way... how is your relationship outside of what you've found while snooping? that should support whatever decision you need to make

 

good luck - it sounds as though at the very least you seriously need to re-assess this relationship

[Untouchable_Fire]

I really need advice...im starting to think I am getting paranoid and crazy.....

 

I would not trust him after the craigslist thing.

[Lucky_One]

I would not trust him after the craigslist thing.

 

I wouldn't sleep with him, either!

[sarah8688]

I don't trust him anymore and he knows that. I do know though that the way he is treating me now, with affection again, is more of guilt and he feels sorry for what he has done. I want to forgive him, but I just don't know how to trust him again.

[Geishawhelk]

Listen very carefully:

For a relationship to truly work and thrive it needs - absolutely has to have - 5 elements:

 

Trust

Respect

Effort

Communication, and

Commitment.

 

(TRECoCo.)

 

Any one - or more - of those missing, wanting, absent, lacking or questionable -

- and it won't work.

Period.

 

It has to be even-stevens. 50% input each way.

 

Either he has to absolutely commit to you and make the effort to regain your trust, communicate with you and show you respect - or he can go date on singles sites all he likes.

 

Really, you deserve someone better, closer to home.

He truly isn't the be-all and end-all of your life right now, you know.

[MichelleS1983]

Well Sarah, who are you going to believe - him, or your lying eyes?

 

You've only found a couple of things that prove he's definitely not committed; I can't imagine how many things you haven't found. I think it would be the height of naivety for you to believe you've found the ONLY 2 things he's ever done that are questionable.

 

He's not trustworthy.

[StartingOver07]

I want to forgive him, but I just don't know how to trust him again.

 

You cannot forgive someone who has neither acknowledged wrong-doing nor asked for forgiveness.

 

Your BF has either already cheated or is planning to.