Trialbyfire Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 I'm sorry that you had to go through your childhood in this way. It can't have made life easy but you have something to be proud of, that you're actively addressing those issues through therapy and other personal means. Having said all that, you're also aware that the three men who've been in your life, weren't the right partners. Whether your current guy will be the right one, only time will tell. I can't say I agree that you don't tell him anything or much, in that it puts him at a disadvantage in how he handles himself with this relationship. He'll be acting and reacting, expecting certain responses and might find that the expected responses aren't forthcoming. Something to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks TBF, I agree that my past can be my greatest asset so long as I work through it first. As for the current bf well I will be telling him sooner rather than later. We're four months in now and I'm beggining to feel like it may be the appropriate time to open up more. I just hate to throw it all out there too soon because I really do have a lot more to offer than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sorry but if a girl tells me that she doesn't care that I have female friends that just tells me a. she doesn't find me attractive enough to even care if anyone steals me from her or b. she thinks no other girl would want me anyway so she doesn't worry about the possibility of other girls hitting on me. It's a red flag of low interest level. No jealously= no interest level. Men need to realize that any reaction from your girlfriend is better than indifference. If she has a "I don't care what you do" attitude that's a red flag. It's better that she has either a positive or negative reaction to what you are doing or not doing. Any reaction from a woman is better than indifference! The opposite of love is NOT hate but indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirtal Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Chris Chris Chris.. It doesn't mean "I don't care what you do" it means "I trust you and feel good about us and know you will not stray" Thats a huge compliment. What on earth has happened in your life to make you post the things you post? You have obviously been Shat on from a high height..but you have to learn that NOT ALL women are like that. Just like a lot of us women have had to learn that NOT ALL men are like that. And believe me, there are far more loyal and loving people out there then you would think. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sorry but if a girl tells me that she doesn't care that I have female friends that just tells me a. she doesn't find me attractive enough to even care if anyone steals me from her or b. she thinks no other girl would want me anyway so she doesn't worry about the possibility of other girls hitting on me. It's a red flag of low interest level. No jealously= no interest level. Men need to realize that any reaction from your girlfriend is better than indifference. If she has a "I don't care what you do" attitude that's a red flag. It's better that she has either a positive or negative reaction to what you are doing or not doing. Any reaction from a woman is better than indifference! The opposite of love is NOT hate but indifference. Or C. She is secure enough with herself that she's knows because she is what you want, you want stray. If you do, then it wasn't meant to be, and if you stray, then you don't deserve her anyways. Because if someone is going to cheat instead of working out issues, or even just because they can't keep their pants on, then they shouldn't be in a relationship anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Stitch Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I have heard that Jealousy rouses its head when there is a fear of loosing your other half. In a way I think that is true. True jealousy isn't a good thing. I used to be a terribly insecure, jealous and controlling girlfriend as I could feel my then ex boyfriend slipping away from me. He went away to Uni and no longer had time for me at all and stopped making any effort. I had no idea how to deal with it except negatively. Any attention was better than no attention, so I tried with all my might to pull him away from people who pulled his attention away from me. He left me in the end, and while it hurt for a few days. I'm much much happier now. I got up, dusted myself off and realised how foolish I'd been all that time, being jealous over someone who wasn't worth that much energy. My self esteem as grown in leaps and bounds. I'm with a lovely man now, who treats me wonderfully. All my jealousy has faded away and I'm very easy going. I have an high interest level in him and I absolutely adore him. Do I get jealous of his female friends? No. I figured he is a smart enough man to realise that if he did anything inappropriate with them I'd be gone in a heart beat. I refuse to waste anymore tears feeling second best to anyone. I'm worth far more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
girlwithbigearrings Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 women with high interest level do not want me talking to other girls. If she says she does not care that I talk to other girls then it's a red flag that she has low interest level in me. It just means she is not insecure and she trust you, not that she has a 'low-level' of interest. Women who won't want you talking to other girls is just unreal and unreasonable. I think you are the one who is insecure to want a girl who will be so jealous out of her mind to not let you talk to other girls. Something's not right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Or maybe her lack of jealously means she does not love me enough to fight for me. Afterall women want men who will fight for them. Why isn't it ok for me to want a woman to prove that she would fight for me? Her lack of jealously implies I'm not worth fighting for. I have no problem showing a woman that she's worth fighting for if she will give me the same treatment in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you can find a couple of jello wrestlers, you've got it made! Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Chris, you do realize that severe jealousy in a girlfriend means that they could be unfaithful or even serial cheaters. They are jealous and accusing because they "project" their deceit on to their SO. This is a fact in many instances. Link to post Share on other sites
berrieh Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Bottom line. If your girlfriend does not mind you talking to other girls then that's a red flag that she is losing interest level in you. She should want you to give up your female friendships. That's nonsense. I mean, no your girlfriend shouldn't want you to be flirting with/dating other girls (duh) - but I don't say her respecting your friendships as a low interest level. I've been both in love with a guy and able to respect his female friendships; actually, one of the best female friends I have now was originally - and still is - a friend of my ex-boyfriend. So, I'm glad he had female friends, because I met some great people. At any rate, we dated for over a year, and it never bothered me that he had female friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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