Fighting and pre-wedding stress

[girlygirl25]

Hey everyone! I have been lurking some more but now i need some more help.

 

Fiance and I have been together almost 3 years, just got engaged a few months ago. We are beginning to plan our wedding, setting a date for next March. We need to reserve a church so we needed a longer engagement. Anyway, we have been having some arguments. Not bad ones, just random ones here and there. Mostly because of wedding stress that we are both under. We will have an argument one day about something, then we will make up, he will apologize and say how much he loves me and can't wait to marry me. Repeat pattern.

 

Does anyone have any insight. I asked him about it and he told me that he is just stressed out and doesn't mean to snap. But fighting then telling me how much he loves me is a little confusing, no? It's beginning to add more stress and there is only so many times he can apologize, say he acted like a jerk, and tell me he loves me. It starts to lose it's validity ya know?

 

Can anyone help me please?

[2sure]

With the wedding more than a year away, "wedding stress" should not be much of a factor at this point. And if it is, what will happen when the wedding is 30 days away and the real stress begins?

 

How a couple handles arguments, discussions, etc is a learned communication skill. Together, lay some ground rules for when you do disagree with each other. Rules like: NO name calling, NO talk of cancelling the wedding, NO threats. Whatever the things are that are simply said to push buttons. Make an agreement that once voices are raised, you take a time out.

 

These rules really will become a habit resulting in better communication. They will help you when the stress really starts, before the wedding, living together, and with children.

[girlygirl25]

With the wedding more than a year away, "wedding stress" should not be much of a factor at this point. And if it is, what will happen when the wedding is 30 days away and the real stress begins?

 

How a couple handles arguments, discussions, etc is a learned communication skill. Together, lay some ground rules for when you do disagree with each other. Rules like: NO name calling, NO talk of cancelling the wedding, NO threats. Whatever the things are that are simply said to push buttons. Make an agreement that once voices are raised, you take a time out.

 

These rules really will become a habit resulting in better communication. They will help you when the stress really starts, before the wedding, living together, and with children.

 

We disagreed on the length of engagement, hence the stress. We compromised and it is better, but that was an issue for awhile. Also we have an issue with alcohol being at our wedding. I get what you are saying regarding how stressful it will be 30 days before the wedding. I'm sure it will be. We knew going into our wedding that we would need to sort of the alcohol issue. Now that it is actually REAL though it's a little more stressful to deal with.

[JennaGennaro]

I agree with everything 2Sure said.

 

From my experience with my own wedding, there are just certain details that the bride and her friends/family should attend to and leave the groom out of them.

 

I understand the two issues you had - I would see how the groom would want to be involved in them. Most men just want the woman to take care of everything and then tell them when and where to show up.

 

The only stress I had for my wedding was my mother-in-law. My husband and I planned everything, PAID for everything, and didn't ask anyone for anything, but she still felt she had to have a say in everything we did. Goodness, I sure hope this doesn't happen to you or anyone else for that matter.

 

Luckily my husband and I didn't fight about the wedding planning, but you should do your best to try and keep calm and cool with your groom (and vice versa) when planning for the most important day of your life.

 

Hey, have you ever watched Bridezillas on WE before? That will show you what silly arguments couples have. I am surprised half the men go through with the wedding after being treated the way they are.

 

I don't know what other advice to offer other than to do your best not to fight about things, especially silly ones. You don't want to start your marriage off like this either. And don't let any outside parties try to bully you into doing what THEY want. This is you and your husband-to-be's wedding - not theirs.

[Ronni_W]

Congrats on your engagement!

 

Also we have an issue with alcohol being at our wedding.

 

If you both want the same thing, then make it YOUR choice and don't allow others to try to dictate to you.

 

Or maybe there is some kind of compromise in "just wine with dinner"?

 

If it is a cultural or religious issue, chances are most if not all your guests will understand and respect that.

 

If it is that you're being asked to "protect" alcoholic family/friends from themselves, that is not your responsibility. Have a private word with those who may cause any scenes, and assure them that you WILL have them ejected if they even so much as think of ruining your and your groom's big day.

 

OTOH, people can also live up to our expectations. Our best man was an alcoholic but he stayed sober the prior night and the entire wedding day. [EDIT: We had not expressed any concerns to him at all.] We were SO proud of him, and made sure he knew how much we appreciated his hard-fought success.

 

In any event, wishing you relatively calm seas in the next 12 months, and one terrific, absolutely dream-come-true Wedding Day

[Tony]

I am at a loss.

 

I made a poast yesterday seeking advice and it was deleted. Why I do not understand.

 

Hi Hippie:

 

You are a new member so you may not understand our procedures. It is not proper etiquette to hijack other people's threads. If you want advice, start your own original thread. The other posts that you have written seeking advice for yourself in the middle of other people's own threads seeking advice for their problems will be deleted.

 

Many thanks for your kind understanding.