homer_s Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Hi, I am in a fairly new relationship of about 2-3 months, but am paranoid shes is still seeing her ex, she was in a relationship for 6 years and he left her 6 months prior to us getting togther, she moved into a house less than a mile away from him, in the first few weeks of our relationship she admitted she still goes to her "old house" but i didnt really want to question why, i invited her to spend new years eve togther, which we did, and when i asked her if she had anything planned she let slip she was going to go out with her ex. Our relationship seems to be going very well, she calls me and texts me regular, she tells me she loves me too, and when we are togther she seems very happy and content with me, but i just cannot shake the feeling that i may be just second best, i must also admit i feel a little insecure due to the fact that her ex earns twice what i earn, so cant provide her the lifestyle she may of being used to, when i questioned her if that mattered to her, there was a big pause and a erm, then said not really........ Anyway i hope i am just being paranoid, at the end of the day i have no evidence that she is cheating, sometimes she is not in when she say she would be and doesn't answer her mobile (or turns off on a few occasions) which i guess is a pretty normal thing, but in my head i start thinking allsorts!! Any views would be VERY greatful Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Six years is a lot to get over. Especially just after six months. You should hold off on getting really serious until she is completely over her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Our relationship seems to be going very well, she calls me and texts me regular, she tells me she loves me too, and when we are togther she seems very happy and content with me, but i just cannot shake the feeling that i may be just second best, i must also admit i feel a little insecure due to the fact that her ex earns twice what i earn, so cant provide her the lifestyle she may of being used to, when i questioned her if that mattered to her, there was a big pause and a erm, then said not really........ Yeah... you should be paranoid! You are second fiddle here! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. She is not over her previous relationship. About the income disparity... you and I both know that means a lot to her, as it would any other woman. Bottom line... don't get very serious with her. Don't expect her to be faithful, or to love you. You don't have the $$$, and she is still wrapped up with the other guy. Start looking for someone better... Link to post Share on other sites
artchick88 Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 6 years is a very long relationship. She probably does care deeply for you but it seems as though she and her ex may have some unresolved issues and emtions. After being toegether that long, it wouldnt surprise me if they had broken up and gotten back together multiple times and also that they at one point thought of marriage. What does this have to do with you? Basically you are entering a very very scary zone. My advice is to remain cool and ask her more about everything that happened with her ex. With a better picture of the past the present and future will seem more clear. Also, it is a bit disrespectful to you for her to be seeing him even as only friends. If she chooses to see him when you ask her not to she doesnt respect you and she cares more about her own indulgences than building a future with you. One way it might not be negative is if she's seeing him for "closure" but (not to freak you out) with long time on and off lovers this sometimes involves at least kissing. Especially if he is single (since she is the one who got dumped, her relationship status is less important than his.)' Beware because he could be trying to steal her from you. Try not to get too attatched until this settles over or plays out. Good luck and try not to worry to much, everything happens (or doesnt happen!! for a reason! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think she would put up with such disrespect from you.? She clearly is seeing her ex probably to see if they can get back together again. The chances are pretty good that when she goes over to his house in the evening they are not just playing checkers which means she may also be putting your health at risk for STD's. I am afraid that she is using you. Your relationship now entails three people. It should only be two. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions of going out with her ex and going over to his house speaks volumes. You are going to get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author homer_s Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 thanks for all the replys, First off, i had a good chat with her the other night about the income issue, and she said i was not really a big deal to her, we both earn a fairly decent amount, and if we were ever to take the next step we would have a pretty decent living, so feel much better about that, @Artchick 88, i think you hit the nail on the head, yes she does really care for me, and is committed to our relationship, to the point were she has taken me to meet her parents, but as you say, 6years is a long time, and im sure there must have been talk of marrage in that time, so to totally get over that in 6 months while still seeing her ex does seem pretty unlikely And that brings me on to my next problem, how do i approach the conversation of her ex, i have never really spoke to her about him, and she never really talks about him either, if i just came out with "do you still see him, or are you really over him and do you still have feelings for him" the answer if obiously going to be no, and she would probably be p****ed off and think im been insecure, so how do i go about questioning her feelings for him without coming across insecure, jealous or needey, because i guess if i find the answer to that question, it will answer my question of is she still seeing him, or am i just paranoid! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Again if the roles were reversed do you think she would be afraid to bring it up in a conversation with you? What kind of a relationship can you have if she still goes out with her ex and still goes over to his house? Either you have boundaries in your relationship or you are not in a monogomous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author homer_s Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 @bryanp, thanks for the reply, i dont actually know if she is still going out with him or going to his house, she said she did when we first met, but i dont actually know if she still does now, that what i am trying to find out! As for if the roles were reversed, no i dont think she would bring it up in conversation, thats why i think she would get p****ed off with me if i did, hence the need to raise it gentley. Link to post Share on other sites
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