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Friends with benefits confusion


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Recently reconnected with an old flame. We lost touch when he got serious with someone for a good year or more. They lived together and things just fell apart. I admit to feeling kind of jealous of her sometimes but not really. I actually thought he could do better looks-wise...he HAS done it, I think...for whatever reason he was way into me for quite a while years ago. I blew him off for a long time, but started thinking he was a fun guy, whatever, just not all that cute. I'd say he's average which is how I see myself too.

 

Anyway we're back in touch, fooled around a couple times, then agreed to FWB. He is my good friend so I don't want to pressure him into thinking it's "relationship" time after seeing what he just went through with Ex...it was a stressful time for him. And he works sooo much that I don't expect him to want my every spare second! He's a hard worker and a nice guy.

 

It appeared we were pretty agreeable without much discussion, that FWB is an awesome way to go, for both of us...I work and study a lot + ME time, ya know?

 

Then he came over for just a couple hours and we hung out and watched TV. I made sure to look good for him without going overboard...ok so I sported a little cleavage and smelled good...we chatted about jobs and this and that...flirted a little bit...but he talks about himself like he's old, fat and lazy or something...he works 60 hrs. a week so I said he deserved the day off today, and try to make him feel better about himself...he's not fat but he does look worn down and it's like my buddy needs a confidence booster, know what I mean?

 

Before leaving, he drove me to the store in the snow and helped me clean off my car, too...I got this impression that he was diggin' me and holding back...staring a lot. I told him how sweet he was for doing me those favors. He said it was cold and thats why he helped...awww

 

Then said after his obligations he may be calling me later...it's weird because he's not that cute and he's down on himself...I remember the other night he said something about making me wait for the sex...and I'm just dying for it....

 

If he makes me wait too long, we'll be in the friend zone...I had place to myself today and we could have done it then...I sord of wanted to...but it's totally ok that we didn't. When we make out, it's like total passion and draws me to him...

 

When he got here, we lightly kissed and hugged at the door but I had to blow him a kiss goodbye because he dropped me off with neighbors right there...or I would have attacked him...not that I wanted to sleep with him...just make out or whatever...

 

Help!

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He is feeling down and badly about himself. He is talking down about himself.

 

He is trying to give you compliments and show you attention by doing nice things but just isn't comfortable making a move quite possibly for fear of rejection, poor remarks about him or his performance, etc.

 

You said you felt like attacking him - you should. IF this is all you want - then you should just make a move (an obvious one).

 

I just think it is sad that you say "he's not that cute" but you are looking into a physical relationship with him. I really hope you can load him up with compliments to help his self esteem since he's your friend and sensitive men can feel like pieces of meat too which hurts their self esteem...

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He is feeling down and badly about himself. He is talking down about himself.

 

He is trying to give you compliments and show you attention by doing nice things but just isn't comfortable making a move quite possibly for fear of rejection, poor remarks about him or his performance, etc.

 

You said you felt like attacking him - you should. IF this is all you want - then you should just make a move (an obvious one).

 

I just think it is sad that you say "he's not that cute" but you are looking into a physical relationship with him. I really hope you can load him up with compliments to help his self esteem since he's your friend and sensitive men can feel like pieces of meat too which hurts their self esteem...

 

 

Right he just isn't as cute as a lot of other guys I've dated. But his personality and the way I FEEL with him physically, is what baits me in.

 

But you said what crossed my mind, that I didn't make my moves clearly enough, I guess. I set the stage with looking good, smelling good, and even a candle burning with dim lights, but I guess that wasn't enough...? So I don't know what to do now. It's also hard because he works sooo much. Then there's my wacky schedule. So even trying to plan dinner between the 2 of us would be a chore. It's like our meetings end up spontaneous, most of the time. All I can do is see if he calls because he hasn't yet. Ugh!

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