MSUE Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Glad I found this place cause I need help. I have been w my BF for a year and a half and it has been great we recently moved in together and it's amazing...but we have been trough a lot to get here...I am married...Although my marriage was done before I met him we still lived together for financial reasons mostly on my end cause he is the money maker and because of him I own well we own a posh place in Manhattan and I never paid a credit card but used them non stop...when I met A I knew that he was it he was my guy for all the right reasons not the wallet or convenience or the trips around the world so because I liked A so much and I just knew he was it I decided I had to tell him the truth and I did...What a shock to him but after a few days of him thinking about it he decided I was worth the trouble...but we did it we made it trough...A and I are like the same person that's how alike we are even our addictions...I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict....I have now been clean for 6 1/2 years wohoo!!! And I still drink but it’s the social drink here and there and I have it under control thanks to professional help and medication. A is a heroin addict...the problem is he relapsed last week...I knew something was really wrong because I’m not a bimbo and because I of all people know what its like. I questioned it over and over for almost 3 days and he came up with every excuse and answer possible but the truth...at that point I knew I had to find the drugs someway somehow in order to really confront him so I did. I tore the house apart and the cars and the yard you name it I did it I went trough everything till I finally found it yeap all 10 bags so now its the time to do this now there's no lie that can save him and I almost broke the bedroom door this Sunday I busted in like a SWAT team would and confronted him...He was angry oh well too bad buddy. Actions have consequences so we are now discussing it in the living room and he was angry he got caught angry I went trough his wallet and I don't give a crap and that's exactly what I said he begged me to give them back so he wouldn’t be sick from withdrawal and he would do less and less and stop oh well I don't care so one by one I opened them and flushed them too bad you are going to be sick after all nobody this but himself. I wasn't sure what to do next...I took the dogs and got in my car and went straight to his mothers I have not talked or seen her in months cause we had a major issue she herself is an alcoholic and physically hurt me on one of her drunken rages but I need to save A's life nothing else matters at this point. We leaned on each other cried together and came up with a plan. He had to choose to get clean or lose us. She threatened to not help him financially anymore and I told him I will move out and take all the pets (we are huge animal lovers and rescue animals in need) and move down to FL with my sissy. He made a choice...to get clean...He is now back under medical care and currently going trough withdrawals luckily the Dr. feels it was caught early enough that it would make recovery a bit easier...Heroin is the most addictive drug with 3 days you are hooked mentally and physically. In case you are curious he snorts It, I am devastated and so is his mother. He snorted all the rent money and grocery money you name it. He has apologized and I do believe he is genuine about it. I have complete control of the money from now on though...I have cried so much that my eyes can't take it anymore Monday night I went to bed and we layed together I caressed his face like I always do and I looked at him and I just broke down once again...this was the night I ran out of tears...it was the kind of crying that you can not control its this emptiness and grief and anger all at the same time it was like something inside of me was just so broken and crushed he held me and broke down himself and all he could say was "Look what I've done to you" and he just held me and I can't quiet explain what that felt like but in its own way I felt some sort of relief if that makes sense cause all I could think its finally!!! finally he sees the damage that this has done...I cried myself to sleep that night...As a recovering addict myself I know relapse is always around the corner but I also know that it is possible to stay clean cause I have... I believe he is being genuine and that he has all the right resources needed to get better but most importantly that he wants to do this...Anyone in a similar spot? Suggestions opinions? All welcome please! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks for re-posting, well done. Ok. Well, I guess the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Actions, as always, will speak louder than words. Drug addicition is not an issue I have ever had to deal with specifically, so I find it difficult to get my head round it, and how it can twist your thinking. I mean, I get all that, but even in my lowest moments, I would never have considered, ever, resorting to drugs, so I don't know why some do, and some can resist, or find it a completely alien concept. This isn't a criticism, at all, please don't think that. It's just my thinking on it.... my wonderment..... You will find, doubtless, for a while, that you'll have to be strong enough for both of you. Is this something you think you'll be able to handle? They do say that 'none preach so hard as the converted' - I guess you're the best person for this - been there, done that..... But I sincerely hope he is getting - and will continue to seek - professional support, because as experienced as you are, you may not be adequately equipped, emotionally (as you have a vested interest) to be able to always deal with this effectively. Is his mum over her addictions, or is she still struggling with substances? (drinking.... any drugs?) Interesting that you rescue animals in need.... people with deep issues like this, very often make excellent carers for creatures even worse off than themselves. At my local rescue centre, a very good portion of the voluntary helpers are either ex cons or ex-addicts..... It truly doesn't surprise me. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks for replying. I haven't had contact w his mother till this incident so I'm not sure about her drinking rigth now. But she is paying for alll the expenses involved in his recovery. I have a great professional team that help me with me and it's been great and has saved mi life... I rescue animals cause I grew up around animals I had alll kinds of pets growing up and my parents always rescued. There are 5 girls in my family we all have pets that have been rescued. My latest rescue is a puppy yellow lab that my best friend an I literally went to the house where he was kept and took him away from the abuse where he was kept in a small shed full of crap tied with a rope with fleas and ticks and weak legs from lack of excersice and or movement...I'm proud of what I do my lab is now 7 1/2 months and 80 pounds he is now muscular and toned and active and has a great life... in any given case going back to my BF I guess only time can tell...He seems very ashamed of his actions and is doing the rigth thing so far but it's too early in the game to really know....addictions aren't easy and they are not a weakness...they are an illness...a lot of them genetic Link to post Share on other sites
dkny27 Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 MSUE...u might want to check out soberrecovery.com They have forums, the one that i read/post a lot in is the friends and family of substance abuse one. There is a lot of good support on that site as well as this one :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Thank You! checking it out in a few Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts