Update

[spookie]

It's been 6 months since I've felt this way: woozey in his presence. 6 months where this is all I think about and feel. After work in the evenings I sit on my couch eating peanut butter and fantasizing. On the weekends I work.

 

There's a lot of evidence both in the "he likes me" and "he likes me not" columns. I can go into specifics, but I know it won't make anything any more clear. And I know he can break my heart.

 

But I think I've decided that that doesn't really matter. I haven't acted because I've been afraid, but I'm going to have a little bit of faith.

Maybe this isn't going to be the best decision employment-wise, but I'm solid on the fact that I think my feelings aren't going to change, and at the end of the day, I don't want to work under him for 5 more years feeling this way, never knowing how it'd have panned out. It COULD be a stupid crush. But he could also be the man I'm gonna marry, whose children I'll watch play. I mean, who knows.

 

So I'm going to ask for a transfer.

 

The plan is this: catch up on all my work and approach his supervisor mid-March, stating the honest truth. How I've developed some strong feelings, and while I daren't act on them, I'm sure they're not going anywhere, either, and I am stressed. How I love our division, and I can't get enough of my job, but it's getting hard to juggle my sanity with my position directly under him.

 

I don't think he can be pissed, and I'm pretty sure he has to take me seriously. And if he doesn't... I mean, what's the worst that could happen? I don't get a trasnfer. That's possible.

 

I doubt I'll get fired just for asking.

 

Thoughts?

[confused_2008]

This is the same guy you added on facebook and couldn't stop stalking, right? Are you going to transfer to a different division and then lay it all on the line with him, or do it in hopes of you forgetting about him? Either way I agree you can't keep going on how you are if you're still feeling this way. Something's gotta give here.

[spookie]

This is the same guy you added on facebook and couldn't stop stalking, right? Are you going to transfer to a different division and then lay it all on the line with him, or do it in hopes of you forgetting about him? Either way I agree you can't keep going on how you are if you're still feeling this way. Something's gotta give here.

 

Yah, that's the guy, though I've stopped stalking him.

 

I'm going to ask for a trasnfer PRIMARILY to preserve my sanity, whichever way it pans out. I'm probably not going to lay it all on the line. At this point he knows me well enough to know if he likes me... and if he does, I think he's the type to make a move. So, I'll get trasnferred, and if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, I'll be crushed but at least I'll have my answer, and I can move on.

[jerbear]

My first thoughts. At first glance, it almost sounds like a sexual harassment suit for those in the HR business.

 

Upon further inspection, you shouldn't get fired for doing what you plan on doing. I would leave the details out on how you want your boss.

[allina]

Don't go to his supervisor! It will create a weird situation behind his back that he's not even aware of. If you're going to take a leap of faith here tell HIM. Tell him in person, tell him you can't shake your feelings for him and tell him you'll be asking for a transfer because it's hard on you. And say it, don't write it, don't put any of it in writing.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Don't go to his supervisor! It will create a weird situation behind his back that he's not even aware of. If you're going to take a leap of faith here tell HIM. Tell him in person, tell him you can't shake your feelings for him and tell him you'll be asking for a transfer because it's hard on you. And say it, don't write it, don't put any of it in writing.

 

I agree with this. You will only make things awkward for him if you go to his supervisor. Also people are just going to have a laugh behind your back. Just tell your boss your feelings openly and that you plan to transfer and let chips fall where they may.

[DollWelch]

You should transfer. Do it. Just do it, because it sounds like you are in pain.

 

I think you should get it over with as soon as you can. The longer you wait, the worse it may impact other areas of your life. I'd advice against sharing every grinding detail with the supervisor.

 

In the end though: You will be the last one standing. This is for your well-being. Not for What'shisname, Jack.

[Dumbledore]

Just tell him how you feel. If he wants to be with you, then you'll find a way to be discreet. Worst case, there's a little bit of awkwardness for a short while. Nothing you can't handle. Anything has to be better than inflicting constant, daily pain on your psyche.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I agree that telling his supervisor about your feelings could REALLY make things uncomfortable for him. Although I'm not sure I agree with telling HIM your feelings straight-up, either. Maybe being pretty nonchalant about your feelings would be okay - like saying you're attracted to him and it's distracting. But I'd stay away from the marriage and kids discussion just yet.

[zenith]

FFS... talk to him!

[spookie]

I'm sorry I haven't been updating, but I don't have internet at my apartment and I work ALL the time, so this is the first time I've even seen LS in days.

 

I am DESPERATE.

 

I know at the end of day the your job's your job, and that means nothing more and nothing less, so there must be a solution to this somewhere, but I can't figure out what that is.

 

The way I see it, my options are:

 

1. Find a new job.

Pros: Don't have to talk to anyone, don't need a reason to leave

Cons: The economy sucks, currently I have less than 1 year of experience and still no college degree so it might be hard to find something comparable, and I don't want a new job, I love the one I have here and I want to stay at this company.

 

2. Ask for a transfer

Pros: If it works out, I can have everything. Through a combo of good luck and extremely hard work, I've got everyone convinced I'm brilliant, so they'll probably try to be accommodating. If it doesn't, I know what I have to do.

Cons: If I tell Jack's boss why, he is going to think I'm psycho, and I can't think of any other reason that would ring even remotely close to true (aside from this Jack thing, my job is perfect.) Also, I have been here less than a year, I'm still considered new, and I haven't even started working on their main plans for me yet, so it might seem a tad inconsiderate (At least, I know I'd feel guilty if I asked it now).

 

3. Do nothing: the position I've taken now for half a year.

Pros: Easy

Cons: I really cannot do it anymore, not for much longer. If this is the best plan right now, I need to know how long I have to do this, because I'm dying inside and I know as long as I'm here, I won't be happy.

 

You guys are saying there's also

 

Secret Option 4: Tell Boss

Pros: I'm not involving anyone, therefore demonstrating my ability to be discreet. It also shows trust in him, and in my feelings, gets all my questions answered in one swoop, and prevents me from making any disastrous decisions career-wise based on some vibe.

Cons: Extremely frightening. What would I say? What can I expect to hear? To be honest, I don't think he knows me well enough to commit, though my gut says he'd like to get to know me, and if he did, it'd work out... does that make any sense? This is just a very scary option. It feels like the biggest wager... I could win everything, but I could also lose, really hard.

 

Secret Option 5: Try harder to get to know boss, outside work.

The other day, my rock climbing buddy/ friend/archenemy/former lover R invited me and a couple of other people from work climbing. He didn't invite Jack, but someone else did, and Jack seemed really interested in going... until he realized he already had plans that evening. So anyway, I could try more s!ht like this. However, I'd feel sketchy asking him out unless someone else were coming along (or at least invited along), but the people in this profession are either really lame or have small children, so these get-togethers never work out. The only people I can think of who'd seem interested in going are my boss and the only other single people who work there, these 4 guys who tried to date me. So... I don't know about this option; or rather, I don't know how to make it work.

[konfuzd]

Option 6: Try to find someone else who is not your boss, but who can get your mind off your boss. There are tons of guys out there with all his great qualities, but without the drama.

 

It might seem hard now because all your thoughts return to him, but when reality sets in, there are other things that could happen.

#1- he rejects you. You need to move on.

#2- you guys date for a while and break up. You need to move on.

#3- he starts dating someone else. You need to move on.

 

 

My fear for you is that if you do succeed in roping this guy in, you've put so much thought and effort into it, and put him on such a huge pedestal, you are going to end up gravely dissapointed.

[spookie]

Option 6: Try to find someone else who is not your boss, but who can get your mind off your boss. There are tons of guys out there with all his great qualities, but without the drama.

 

It might seem hard now because all your thoughts return to him, but when reality sets in, there are other things that could happen.

#1- he rejects you. You need to move on.

#2- you guys date for a while and break up. You need to move on.

#3- he starts dating someone else. You need to move on.

 

 

My fear for you is that if you do succeed in roping this guy in, you've put so much thought and effort into it, and put him on such a huge pedestal, you are going to end up gravely dissapointed.

 

He's not on that much of a pedestal. I'm miserable because I MISS him when I'm not at work, and I long to be closer to him even while I am there.

 

Can we go on the hypothesis that I am not wrong in my evaluation of my feelings here?

[spookie]

It feels like I've looked at this from every direction to the 9th degree and THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. If everyone sees one, please let me know.

[melodymatters]

Welllll, hate to say it spook, but it sounds like you've transferred your addiction to Drugs & Drama, to Work & Boss Infatuation.

 

Whatever you do, you need to try not to swing quite so wildly. This is coming from someone who has been considered a "free spirit" to put it mildly....

 

 

Good luck !

[spookie]

Welllll, hate to say it spook, but it sounds like you've transferred your addiction to Drugs & Drama, to Work & Boss Infatuation.

 

Whatever you do, you need to try not to swing quite so wildly. This is coming from someone who has been considered a "free spirit" to put it mildly....

 

 

Good luck !

 

Yes. I have definitely transferred my addiction. Luckily currently it IS actually work AND boss, not just boss, so at least I'm doing good things for myself, too.

 

What do you mean try not to swing so wildly? I don't think I'm swinging wildly. I'm swinging pretty much the same direction I have been since I met him. How long do I have to swing that way till it's ok to trust myself and act on it?

[melodymatters]

What I meant about the swinging thing, was feeling so strongly that you make impulsive, in the moment decisions, that you later, when calm, regret.

 

We BOTH do this, so I'm not calling kettel's black or anything. Just been there, and lived to regret most of the decisions I've made in haste. ( Jobs, men, money, houses, moving, etc)

 

I guess I just meant in THIS case, slower is better, you have a fresh start and already it's getting...muddied up.

 

I DON'T know how you feel about this guy, and if it's true love or just another addiction, but just make sure YOU know before you make another life changing decision !

[spookie]

What I meant about the swinging thing, was feeling so strongly that you make impulsive, in the moment decisions, that you later, when calm, regret.

 

We BOTH do this, so I'm not calling kettel's black or anything. Just been there, and lived to regret most of the decisions I've made in haste. ( Jobs, men, money, houses, moving, etc)

 

I guess I just meant in THIS case, slower is better, you have a fresh start and already it's getting...muddied up.

 

I DON'T know how you feel about this guy, and if it's true love or just another addiction, but just make sure YOU know before you make another life changing decision !

 

MM... I totally agree with everything you've said. I've taken it slow. I've appreciated the s!ht out of this chance, and I think I've been making the most of it.

 

But how long do my feelings have to stay constant, for me to be able to trust them? It's been half a year so far, with no end in sight (in fact, they just keep getting confirmed.) I don't think it's a stupid crush, I think he's perfect for me and I would gladly marry him tomorrow.

[spookie]

Ok.

 

So......

 

What if I executed this in ballsy-spookie fashion and just told him? SP gave me some tips regarding what to say (THANKS) and I think I can actually DO it; I mean, I've done scarier things in the past (remember when I stripped?) so I know it CAN be done.

 

I know there are people on here who have been saying this all along, but I've always dismissed this option as too straight-forward for my personal preferences, and too scary, but..... it makes sense, actually.

 

It's better than getting his supervisor involved and creating a whole dramatic "situation" behind his back. Or going to other people in other departments who would know what to do for advice, which I've actually considered.

 

I've worked with him for 6 months. He probably knows by now whether or not he wants to date me.

 

Either way, I trust him and his respect for me as a person enough to know that:

 

1. He's not going to think I'm crazy

2. He's not going to tell anyone that I'm crazy

3. He's not going to take advantage of this in any way

4. He's going to be gentle, and will probably make me feel better, however he feels

 

Worst case scenario: he rejects both me and the possibility of a transfer for me, and it's really, really awkward. Then I can approach someone else about getting a transfer because now it's too awkward, and if that doens't work out, I can look for another job. Nothing lost (relative to original plan of going straight to his boss) and nothing gained. At the end of the day, it's just a job; and I have confidence that I could find a new one.

 

Best case: we end up making out (but I'm not too hopeful).

 

Probable case, whatever his feelings, he'll want me out of the division, and will work with me on helping that happen.

 

As I've said before, I can't just keep doing nothing; something's got to give.

[spookie]

Ok.........................

 

We have a private meeting scheduled Monday morning.

 

Since I've made up my mind (not to involve anyone else in extricating myself from working for him) I think I'm just going to ... go for it.

 

Please wish me luck.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Damn, Spooks - good luck. You can do this! I know you can! I am DYING to see how this turns out.

[spookie]

Damn, Spooks - good luck. You can do this! I know you can! I am DYING to see how this turns out.

 

It's going to be excruciatingly painful to tell him this, but I think I'm confident that it's the only solid option that I have. Maybe it's not ideal because he doesn't know me that well outside of work, but he's worked with me for 6 months and generally understands me, I think, so he should have a solid understanding of what to do with my confession, IMO.

 

And on the bright side, whatever happens, I'll have all my answers, AND this is going to take care of all of my job-related stress (by putting the ball in his court re: both the transfer and the feelings).

[spookie]

I think the biggest risk I face is him thinking I'm nuts for liking him enough to tell him when I "barely" know him; but honestly, what DON'T I know? I'm around him for 40 hours a week and I have a solid idea of what he does on the weekends; I think I "know" him.

[johan]

I think the biggest risk I face is him thinking I'm nuts for liking him enough to tell him when I "barely" know him; but honestly, what DON'T I know? I'm around him for 40 hours a week and I have a solid idea of what he does on the weekends; I think I "know" him.

 

You know about 10% of him.

[spookie]

You know about 10% of him.

 

I just don't think that's true.