Update

[spookie]

This is PROBABLY how the conversation will go:

 

Spookie, at weekly meeting in Jack's cube: Can we talk in private sometime soon? There's something I need to talk to you about in confidence.

 

Jack: Sure, let's go talk now.

 

*on verge of panic attack, follow Jack to a private conference room*

 

Jack: What's up?

 

Spookie: This is excruciatingly painful for me to say, so please don't laugh at me.

 

Jack, smiling bemusedly: What is it?

 

Spookie: For the past couple of months, I've been thinking hard about a transfer, and I just wanted your input on how that process works.

 

Jack: :confused::( ??? !!!

 

Spookie: My reason is pretty personal.

 

Jack: Yah?

 

Spookie: I'm attracted to you, and that's causing me to be really distracted. I understand I've only been here for a couple of months, and that this isn't very professional of me, or a very good reason to ask for a trasnfer; but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate because I'm stressed out all the time, and it's really important to me that my job doesn't cause me this much personal stress. It's not because of anything you've done or said, so don't worry, I don't think you've been leading me on and I hope you don't feel like I'm sexually harassing you right now but I couldn't really think of anyone better to talk to, and you are my boss, and this is a pretty serious issue for me, so I was hoping for some input re: the transfer, and how long I have to wait, and who I'm supposed to approach about that.

 

Jack: :o:rolleyes::confused::confused::sick::sick:

 

Is that a "crazy" conversation to have with one's boss under EVERY circumstance?

[spookie]

I don't know why I'm so scared, actually. I know my anxiety is due to my questioning his feelings more than questioning what will happen with my job: I've been much lower than I would be if my job just got "awkward" and I know nothing that could happen would be the end of the world.

 

And re: his feelings... I've had these kinds of revelation confession convos with pretty much every person I've ever dated, and they always go the same way: I'm scared, but once it's out, there's this overwhelming relief-fueld euphoria; and I haven't actually been "rejected" since middle school. (Not cause I'm so attractive but cause I can pretty much tell when someone likes me.)

 

Of course this is a little more complicated, but is it, really? He's a single guy in his 20's. I'm single, pretty smart, pretty attractive, and a girl. He probably likes me.

[spookie]

I'm scared of being on the receiving end of this blank, black-hole-on-the-inside look he gets when he thinks whoever he's dealing with is a total idiot. There: that's my worst fear.

[spookie]

It's sort of nuts how FREE I am to do or say whatever I want. In three days' time, I can know everything.

[Touche]

I can kind of relate to all this craziness. My ex-husband was my boss and the only man I ever asked out.

 

We worked so closely for months and months and I knew the attraction was mutual even though he never was inappropriate in any way, shape or form. It was subtle but it was palpable.

 

So one day after work I walked to my car as usual but I was kind of sad that I had to leave him and go back to my lonely apartment. So I marched back in to the office and...asked him if he wanted to go have a drink with me! YIKES! I was shaking I was so nervous but he said yes. Double YIKES!

 

Long story short, we fell in love. I eventually quit my job as it was too complicated and we ended up married 6 years later...ugh, what a disaster.

 

Hope it turns out better for you. And you're probably right that it's mutual. You just "know" these things, don't you? At least some of us do. Your instincts are probably right.

 

So when are you doing this? I might have missed that part, sorry.

[burning 4 revenge]

You know about 10% of him.

yeah she doesnt even know that i saw jack at the transvestite bar... dressed to the nines

[allina]

You're making waaaaaaay to big of a deal out of this. Dating, or sleeping with your boss isn't that big of a deal, especially in this situation.

 

If you want to tell him how you feel just do it! Just make sure he knows you're not some psycho who will make his work life uncomfortable. Make sure he knows you're worth the risk and that if things go sour you'll handle it like a professional and like an adult.

[imani]

I'm scared of being on the receiving end of this blank, black-hole-on-the-inside look he gets when he thinks whoever he's dealing with is a total idiot. There: that's my worst fear.

 

There comes a point in time when you just have to "put the kiddies to bed". I was in a similar situation like yours (liking the boss) and I wish you all the best, Spookie. Do what you feel is right for your situatuation, but before doing anything make sure you are ready to hear and live with his response. I'm rooting for you on this one because you I are going to do what I couldn't bring myself to do in mine.

 

The best part is that either way, you will have an answer and closure. My only concern is what he may know about your relationship with your other co-worker. Men gossip as much as some women do in the office. If "Jack" does confess an interest in you after your talk, I just hope it is a genuine interest in YOU and not just him wanting to get into your pants based on office gossip.

 

Good luck and fingers crossed for you.

[Ariadne]

I'm attracted to you, and that's causing me to be really distracted. I understand I've only been here for a couple of months, and that this isn't very professional of me, or a very good reason to ask for a trasnfer; but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate

 

Yeah, that's pretty crazy alright.

 

I always thought that those private meetings were to make a pass.

 

He is probably attracted to you, have you tried making move when you are alone instead of telling him all that stuff?

[spookie]

I couldn't sleep at all last night. My mind was running and I knew I waas finally coming to a conclusive decision.

 

I talked to my mom. I talked to all my friends. They all said different things, and at the end of the night, I knew I just had to trust myself.

 

I sharpened up the conversation in my head, so that it sounds like something I'd actually say.

 

After I get him in the room tomorrow morning, I'm going to say, "Jack, as I'm sure you've probably noticed, I really like my job, I like our division, and I've enjoyed everything I've worked on the past couple of months.

 

"Yah," he'll say.

 

"However, due to a personal problem that I've been pondering for some time, I've decided to come talk to you about a possible transfer."

 

":confused::confused:", he'll probably say. Or, "What problem?"

 

If he asks, I'm going to tell him. I'm going to say that I like him, a lot; and that it's stressful for me to work with him. That i don't need a response, because that isn't even the point, I just don't like the stress. And although I know it's a bad reason, i've been unhappy for long enough without speaking up.

 

Tomorrow morning, guys. I'm at work now cause I'm so anxious, finishing up some stuff so that if this blows up in my face, I can at least be prepared for the day without having to work too hard - cause I know, chances are, tomorrow my concentration is gonna be shot.

[spookie]

I can kind of relate to all this craziness. My ex-husband was my boss and the only man I ever asked out.

 

We worked so closely for months and months and I knew the attraction was mutual even though he never was inappropriate in any way, shape or form. It was subtle but it was palpable.

 

So one day after work I walked to my car as usual but I was kind of sad that I had to leave him and go back to my lonely apartment. So I marched back in to the office and...asked him if he wanted to go have a drink with me! YIKES! I was shaking I was so nervous but he said yes. Double YIKES!

 

Long story short, we fell in love. I eventually quit my job as it was too complicated and we ended up married 6 years later...ugh, what a disaster.

 

Hope it turns out better for you. And you're probably right that it's mutual. You just "know" these things, don't you? At least some of us do. Your instincts are probably right.

 

So when are you doing this? I might have missed that part, sorry.

 

Wow, Touche... I wish I had the balls to do that. I think my approach is far less scary.

[Touche]

Wow, Touche... I wish I had the balls to do that. I think my approach is far less scary.

 

I'm laughing now. Wow. I think YOUR approach is more ballsy. Mine was totally spur of the moment...not a lot of thought into it. No time to get all nervous. I just went for it..totally in the moment..no premeditation involved.

 

What you're doing, I could never have done.

 

Isn't that funny? I mean I see it exactly the opposite from how you see it.

[spookie]

I'm laughing now. Wow. I think YOUR approach is more ballsy. Mine was totally spur of the moment...not a lot of thought into it. No time to get all nervous. I just went for it..totally in the moment..no premeditation involved.

 

What you're doing, I could never have done.

 

Isn't that funny? I mean I see it exactly the opposite from how you see it.

 

Haha... I can't pull off anything like that because I can't trust the spur in my "moments" not to change directions mid-way.

 

In this particular case, I think the other way our situations are different is I am not ready to actually date my boss. Probably not even date him if he weren't my boss. What I want is really what I'm asking for: a trasnfer, so I can preserve my sanity. Otherwise, I'm going to have to start looking for another job.

 

You know... I think I thought he liked me, but after all this processing of info to the 9-th degree, I'm starting to think there's no way. I know I bring SOME things to the table, but, for example, it's the Superbowl, and I didn't even know until the security guard at the office asked me why I wasn't home watching it - like I know Jack is, surrounded by his friends.

 

I mean, I think we're coming at this from very different directions.

[spookie]

Man. I'm so scared of rejection. =( Can someone please make me going over the list of all the things that are wrong with me? I can't do this hating myself. =/

[Touche]

Haha... I can't pull off anything like that because I can't trust the spur in my "moments" not to change directions mid-way.

 

In this particular case, I think the other way our situations are different is I am not ready to actually date my boss. Probably not even date him if he weren't my boss. What I want is really what I'm asking for: a trasnfer, so I can preserve my sanity. Otherwise, I'm going to have to start looking for another job.

 

You know... I think I thought he liked me, but after all this processing of info to the 9-th degree, I'm starting to think there's no way. I know I bring SOME things to the table, but, for example, it's the Superbowl, and I didn't even know until the security guard at the office asked me why I wasn't home watching it - like I know Jack is, surrounded by his friends.

 

I mean, I think we're coming at this from very different directions.

 

None of this made sense Spookie. What does not knowing about the SB have anything to do with this guy.

 

As for the rest, not buying it. No way. Of course you want more than just to be transferred. You want the feelings you have to be returned. You want to date him.

 

And I think you know he feels the same way.

 

Stop psyching yourself out and just do it. What's the worst that will happen? You won't date him and you'll leave your job, right? Isn't that what you claim you'll do anyway? So GO FOR IT!

[Touche]

Man. I'm so scared of rejection. =( Can someone please make me going over the list of all the things that are wrong with me? I can't do this hating myself. =/

 

Please. This is silly. Do you honestly think you have more wrong with you (or SO much more wrong with you) than the average person?....uhm, no. You don't. So stop it.

[spookie]

None of this made sense Spookie. What does not knowing about the SB have anything to do with this guy.

 

As for the rest, not buying it. No way. Of course you want more than just to be transferred. You want the feelings you have to be returned. You want to date him.

 

And I think you know he feels the same way.

 

Stop psyching yourself out and just do it. What's the worst that will happen? You won't date him and you'll leave your job, right? Isn't that what you claim you'll do anyway? So GO FOR IT!

 

Yah. Of course I want his feelings to be returned. Of course that's why I'm doing this. I can't wait any longer because I want him so bad.

 

I'm really scared that he doesn't feel anywhere close to the same way, and that this will surprise him.

 

I'm scared he's going to think I'm nuts for acting in such a major way on something he didn't even notice was going on. You know? I'd feel so stupid.

 

The truth is, I do tend to get lost in my own little world. I hope this time, I haven't spent the last 6 months too far away from reality.

[spookie]

Please. This is silly. Do you honestly think you have more wrong with you (or SO much more wrong with you) than the average person?....uhm, no. You don't. So stop it.

 

Thanks. I don't honestly think there's that much wrong with me. I think I'm also in a state of transition, which anyone can see and COULD make an attempt to try and understand. I'd probably date me, but his life just seems very different.

[spookie]

Now I'm freaking out in the other direction. All of a sudden, I'm thinking this is a mistake. I'm remembering that my life right now is at kind of a low, that I have no friends and have been lonely. Am I doing this because it's easier than working on my broken-feeling life, or am I doing this because I need something to change to push through? I'm honestly confused. I think I'm acting based on being all in touch with myself right now, after months of thought; because this is, after all, the way I've made my decisions; but who the fcvk knows.

 

I still think I need to do something, though. Even if this is pretty immature, something's got to give.

 

...Right?

 

And at the end of the day, though I know a lot of my decisions have seemed rather "rash", I think I'm doing okay for myself. I guess my philosophy has always been, take risks, cause some of them will pay off; it seems to be working.

 

Ok. Tomorrow.....!!!

[Touche]

I don't know what to say, spookie. Something tells me you should do this. As you said some risks pay off..and if you can't take those risks when you're in your 20's and single, when the hell can you?

 

You'll be fine!!! Stop analyzing it. Be proud that you did something that was in your heart EVEN if it's not returned. You're being true to yourself and that's big, you know?

[spookie]

I don't know what to say, spookie. Something tells me you should do this. As you said some risks pay off..and if you can't take those risks when you're in your 20's and single, when the hell can you?

 

You'll be fine!!! Stop analyzing it. Be proud that you did something that was in your heart EVEN if it's not returned. You're being true to yourself and that's big, you know?

 

Yah, exactly. When I'm in my 20's, I'm single, he's single, I know my feelings are real, and i can feel chemistry. From the long view, it makes sense to ask.

 

From the point of view of tomorrow, though... it's still excruciatingly frightening.

 

I mean, if he rejects me, we STILL have to work together. Closely, every day. Right now, this is pleasant for both of us, but if there's weirdness there... I don't know.

 

On the other hand, the worst isn't going to be THAT bad; I'll get through it seamlessly. Time will go on.

 

And the best... which isn't that unlikely... is everything I wanted.

[spookie]

On the other hand... tomorrow?

 

Pros: I can stop obsessing TOMORROW.

 

Cons: There's this big project we're in the midst of that we'll be spending a lot of time working on, and AFTER we're done might be a better time to approach him.

 

Cons to the cons: There's always going to be big projects, but last week felt like... it was time. To jump off this boss-bridge.

 

The same pro for doing it tomorrow, reiterated: I CAN STOP OBSESSING AS EARLY AS IN A FEW HOURS, and start planning for whichever outcome scenaria is looking most likely. For example, if he rejects me and refuses to transfer me, I know asap that I'll need to start getting used to hating my job.

[Touche]

Spook, see you hit on my little secret in life. I like to ask myself this: "What's the WORST thing that would happen if (fill in the blank.)" And you know what? The worst is never really that bad.

 

Ok, so weigh the fact that if it goes well it's everything you want with the fact regarding the worst that could happen.

 

So really...when you post back post filling in these blanks:

 

Best case scenario:

 

 

 

 

Worst case scenario:

[allina]

On the other hand... tomorrow?

 

Pros: I can stop obsessing TOMORROW.

 

Cons: There's this big project we're in the midst of that we'll be spending a lot of time working on, and AFTER we're done might be a better time to approach him.

 

Cons to the cons: There's always going to be big projects, but last week felt like... it was time. To jump off this boss-bridge.

 

The same pro for doing it tomorrow, reiterated: I CAN STOP OBSESSING AS EARLY AS IN A FEW HOURS, and start planning for whichever outcome scenaria is looking most likely. For example, if he rejects me and refuses to transfer me, I know asap that I'll need to start getting used to hating my job.

 

The worst thing that will happen is he'll kindly reject you. Yeah it'll suck, hurt your feelings and bruise your ego. But at least you'll know and really, it's not that big of a deal, it happens. So it will be weird for a few weeks, you'll both deal and things will be back to normal.

[spookie]

Spook, see you hit on my little secret in life. I like to ask myself this: "What's the WORST thing that would happen if (fill in the blank.)" And you know what? The worst is never really that bad.

 

Ok, so weigh the fact that if it goes well it's everything you want with the fact regarding the worst that could happen.

 

So really...when you post back post filling in these blanks:

 

Best case scenario:

 

 

 

 

Worst case scenario:

 

Worst case scenario:

 

We are sitting across the table from each other in a large, empty room. He looks slightly irritated and completely confused. I clear my throat, "Um, Jack..." I begin to say my little speech, feeling the words heavy on my tongue, barely filling the chilly, empty space between us. Sensing no encouragement from his end and distinctly conscious of his shocked and annoyed facial expression, my stress level spikes and I start cracking up in the middle until I'm doubled over in uncomfortable laughter (I have inappropriate reactions to these kinds of things sometimes.) We leave the conference room after he nicely but firmly tells me that he didn't see this coming and unfortunately does not think it qualifies as a legit reason for a transfer, and I spend the remainder of the day blushing crimson at my desk, hoping he doens't call me in to talk about my work.

 

Best case scenario:

 

After a lovely convo about the upcoming week at his cube, we walk over to the cozy den for the private segment of the conversation. He is joking with me along the way, and I feel confident, relaxed, and at ease. Sitting on a comfy couch across from him, I start to say my little speech. He looks surprised but his face betrays no negative emotions. When I am done, he reacts sympathetically, tells me he hadn't seen it coming but that definitely definitely it's a legit concern and he'll help me get trasnfered, and at the end of the conversation, before we head back upstairs, he awkawrdly squeezes my hand.

 

In reality, I know the outcome will be somewhere in the middle; but even the worst case scenario is more appealing to me than just waiting and waiting and waiting.

 

I think I'm still decided.