Update

[underpants]

Imani, the title of that book is hilarious! Is there really such a book? Wow. Why didn't I think of that? I bet that author is rich!

 

Had I written a book along those lines I'd be broke and destitute by now because instead of this title below:

 

Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - and Managing - Romance on the Job"

 

Mine would probably look like this:

 

"Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - Trouble Where You Don't Need Any - And Managing The Horrible Outcome"

 

"How to Lose a Job in 10 Days."

[Prodigal Princess]

Spookie I hope that you are doing OK and that this nonsense isn't getting you down...

 

Please. Spook is revelling in the drama.

[Dumbledore]

Please. Spook is revelling in the drama.

It's an incredibly boring and colourless life without recreational substance enhancement. If you don't twist yourself into a big knot beforehand, then it's just not the same.

[Prodigal Princess]

It's an incredibly boring and colourless life without recreational substance enhancement. If you don't twist yourself into a big knot beforehand, then it's just not the same.

 

Sir, I could not agree with you more.

[Touche]

"How to Lose a Job in 10 Days."

 

:lmao:

 

OMG, too funny.

 

(sorry, spook...but even you have to be laughing by now, righ?)

[Lovelybird]

Spookie's threads are always so popular.

 

That's all I'm gonna say.

because people are so bored, that thrive in drama

[spookie]

I don't mean to abandon my threads, and I really appreciate everything everyone has written.

 

It's kind of freaking me out, though.

 

Here's the deal.

 

I agree that the request for the transfer was nutty, but that's the thing, I know myself, and I know I'm never going to get over this crush otherwise, and I am really obsessive. Yes, it's nutty to be this obsessed when nothing's happened, when he's never even given me an explicit sign that he even liks me, but that's exactly par for the course as far as my personality goes. I knew I would have lost it if I stayed longer. This was the only option I had.

 

I don't care that much about dating him. Last night, after having gotten happy vibes from him all day, I started pondering the possibility that it might actually happen, and I almost had a panic attack.

 

What you guys probably don't know is that I'm introverted as fcvk; I have more walls up than anyone you'll ever meet, and it's almost impossible to get to know me. An unrequited fantasy relationship suits me just fine - I just can't happen the object of my affections being there in person, and I don't even know what would happen if he dated someone and I had to hear about it.)

 

As far as updates, Jack's boss ad his boss' boss have definitely been avoiding me. HR hasn't called back, even though they promised Friday.

 

I've felt funny about the conversaion I had with that woman all week. The things I said about Jack... I'm thinking now I should have been less open.

 

I just hope they don't get relayed to him. I think leaving it as "attraction" is sufficient. He doens't need to know I don't think I can "just get over him," since he'd probably misinterpret that for my delusion that we have something, rather than my particular brand of insanity which I know about, and can manage.

 

Speaking of Jack, I'm preparing myself for the inevitable crushing disappointment of when he keeps still not making a move, after it's become ok. =( No matter what I say about not being ready.

[spookie]

Well no, I meant that I wouldn't advise someone to be so honest in their need for a transfer. Unrequited obsession doesn't make the employee look very solid.

 

A company likes to keep mentally and professionally sound people on staff. If you start showing signs of being deficient in either area, you set yourself up for what comes next.

 

Jack did the right thing. He immediately informed HR and his boss about the situation, as he wanted to distance himself from Spookie and the ensuing fallout.

 

 

Incidentally...

 

I don't know if this is relevant, but he did not inform HR.

 

He asked for my permission to go to his boss' boss, whom he said he trusted, who must have informed his boss, who was the one who spoke to HR.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Spookie, I hope you get your transfer and this all blows over.

 

The bigger problem here is how an obsession has affected your career path. A person who has obsessions that cause them to go to such great lengths to manage them is a person who needs some help. There are ways to learn how to control these things. I think in this case, you did not want to control it. But what if you end up losing your job because of this? Will that be a wake up call that you need to address how your mind is working right now? A little crush is one thing. An obsession is another.

[OpenBook]

As far as updates, Jack's boss ad his boss' boss have definitely been avoiding me. HR hasn't called back, even though they promised Friday.

 

Ooh, those are bad signs. Maybe Alpha Female (um, the one with that actual LS name) is right after all.

[spookie]

Ooh, those are bad signs. Maybe Alpha Female (um, the one with that actual LS name) is right after all.

 

Could be, but I'm fairly confident that they don't want to lose me, cause right now I appear to beway-beyond-expectations-amazing at my job (admittedly cause I am a workaholic). The recruiting process is hard work for them, as well as expensive, so it's probable that while they're annoyed with me, they're not going to want to fire me.

 

Were I to venture a guess, they're looking for a good spot for me right now, or doing some re-arranging. When I was conning my way becoming full-time even though I hadn't finished college in the summer, the atmosphere silenced and tensed up before anyone belatedly gave me any updates.

[OpenBook]

Could be, but I'm fairly confident that they don't want to lose me, cause right now I appear to beway-beyond-expectations-amazing at my job (admittedly cause I am a workaholic). The recruiting process is hard work for them, as well as expensive, so it's probable that while they're annoyed with me, they're not going to want to fire me.

 

I agree. I don't think they would be praising you to the skies like they have been, if they were trying to find a way to get rid of you. Unless they are pure evil.

 

Were I to venture a guess, they're looking for a good spot for me right now, or doing some re-arranging. When I was conning my way becoming full-time even though I hadn't finished college in the summer, the atmosphere silenced and tensed up before anyone belatedly gave me any updates.

 

I hope you're right. Did you tell Jack (or anyone else) that you wanted the fraud detection dept?

[spookie]

I agree. I don't think they would be praising you to the skies like they have been, if they were trying to find a way to get rid of you. Unless they are pure evil.

 

 

 

I hope you're right. Did you tell Jack (or anyone else) that you wanted the fraud detection dept?

 

No, I was expecting to talk to someone about that today.

[imani]

Imani, the title of that book is hilarious! Is there really such a book? Wow. Why didn't I think of that? I bet that author is rich!

 

Had I written a book along those lines I'd be broke and destitute by now because instead of this title below:

 

Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - and Managing - Romance on the Job"

 

Mine would probably look like this:

 

"Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding - Trouble Where You Don't Need Any - And Managing The Horrible Outcome"

 

LOL @ your renamed title,Touche. Love it.

 

But yes, the book is indeed a real book. Very interesting and helpful too. I still chose to keep my crush to myself, but since Spookie has already let her crush know about hers, I figure the book will be a good read for her before persuing anything more.

[Alpha Female]

Incidentally...

 

I don't know if this is relevant, but he did not inform HR.

 

He asked for my permission to go to his boss' boss, whom he said he trusted, who must have informed his boss, who was the one who spoke to HR.

 

Understood.

 

I don't think it's relevant, however, as I am sure that HR still had a chat with Jack at some point this week. I think Jack was pretty freaked out by your conversation, and thought it best to inform his own superiors before clandestinely letting HR know.

 

For what it's worth, most sexual harassment situations I have learned about from parties other than those directly involved.

[Isolde]

I can see both sides of the story.

 

On the one hand, Spookie was rash.

 

On the other, she was honest and took action before it became a productivity issue. And honestly, I don't really see what's pathological about having a crush on someone.

 

If it were a guy in a class or a waiter at a restaurant, her obsession would be considered a "cute LS topic"-- not pathological.

 

It concerns me that people here equate a workplace crush with something ethically wrong like cheating, and it bothers me still more that the fact it may have been "unrequited" should make Spookie look bad.

[Isolde]

 

An unrequited fantasy relationship suits me just fine - I just can't happen the object of my affections being there in person, and I don't even know what would happen if he dated someone and I had to hear about it.)

 

I know exactly what you mean Spookie--but ultimately, don't you think you deserve more than that, don't you think you deserve to find a relationship that unfolds naturally and without fear, something that brings you a sense of peace?

[BlueEyedGirl]

Exactly Isolde. I can't beleive that people here mentioned that this is like something out of Fatal Attraction. I mean spookie has a crush on a SINGLE guy in her age group that happens to be her boss. Big deal.

[AlektraClementine]

Exactly Isolde. I can't beleive that people here mentioned that this is like something out of Fatal Attraction. I mean spookie has a crush on a SINGLE guy in her age group that happens to be her boss. Big deal.

 

 

No one here seriously thinks she's going to boil bunnies. Spookie makes self deprecating remarks about her own self quite often. It's just a joke.

 

She also just recently slept with a married man who subsequently left his wife. But not after the wife caught them in bed. She learns nothing from that and moves on to this whole transfer nonsense. "Just happens to be her boss"? That is a big deal. It's about her choices. It's not healthy to not be able to go to work and deal with crushes (which happen all the time) without needing a transfer.

 

I had a mad crush on my boss (who I still work for) for a long time. From the time I started until about 6 months in. A mad crush I tell ya. But I was able to go to work, perform my job functions, etc. I don't think my crush was any less intense than Spookie's. I just know how to function properly in a work environment. The crush eventually went away and as I said, I still work for him and now my career has really taken off. I am now Director of Operations.

 

Incidentally, I am also over HR and I've seen women like Spookie who confuse work with Soap Opera time. They don't get very far. Talented or not.

[AlektraClementine]

I can see both sides of the story.

 

On the one hand, Spookie was rash.

 

On the other, she was honest and took action before it became a productivity issue. And honestly, I don't really see what's pathological about having a crush on someone.

 

If it were a guy in a class or a waiter at a restaurant, her obsession would be considered a "cute LS topic"-- not pathological.

 

It concerns me that people here equate a workplace crush with something ethically wrong like cheating, and it bothers me still more that the fact it may have been "unrequited" should make Spookie look bad.

 

For the record, I don't equate workplace crushes with cheating. Workplace crushes are a very natural byproduct of being around the same people everyday for 8+ hours per day. Even ones on your boss.

 

The disturbing part comes into play when Spookie cannot perform her job functions anymore because of a crush. I'd say the exact same thing if she had a crush on a classmate and decided she had to drop the class because she couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork because of it.

[JamesM]

spookie has a crush on a SINGLE guy in her age group that happens to be her boss. Big deal.

 

Yes, it is. I agree.

 

Bosses are authority figures that seem to have power and control.

 

This position gives the appearance of being something more than they are.

 

It is not unusual for subordinates of the opposite sex to feel an extra attraction to this. No, it is not common as in the majority, but is happens enough that it is something that managers are advised as to how to avoid.

[spookie]

 

The disturbing part comes into play when Spookie cannot perform her job functions anymore because of a crush. I'd say the exact same thing if she had a crush on a classmate and decided she had to drop the class because she couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork because of it.

 

I NEVER said I couldn't perform my job functions because of this. I just said that this was stressing me out, and after having dealt with the stress for HALF A YEAR, I decided it was time to speak up, because my job should not have to be so personally stressful.

 

I'm performing job functions just fine.

[spookie]

And re: this married guy y'all keep bringing up:

 

I made a mistake sleeping with him exactly once. Now even once - half a time, if there is such a thing (there was no grand finale). I regretted it - not in the sense that I was remorseful, but in the sense that I realized I was being self-destructive and crazy doing something I didn't even want to do.

 

He told his wife that night, and despite her protestations that they could work it out, he moved out immediately, and began the process of divorce. Not once has he wavered in this decision, despite our not being together.

 

It's hard to view myself as a legit other woman in this scenario. More like a close friend who did something stupid with her sad friend who was getting a divorce - because had confided to me BEFORE we slept together that he wanted to divorce her (at the time, I just didn't believe him).

 

I DON'T THINK HIM SLEEPING WITH ME HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIS LEAVING HIS WIFE, even though when it was happening, I did feel a bit like a homewrecker (in hindsight, I understand his situation more, and I know better.)

 

I think he probably did sleep with me so it'd be easier to end it, but he denies that. I think I was probably used, though I don't feel used, I just feel dirty; but it's not something I'm going to obsess about, or punish myself for, cause there's no point.

 

Anyway, sleeping with him reaffirmed who I REALLY wanted to be sleeping with, and how badly, and it pushed me in the direction of making it happen.

[AlektraClementine]

I NEVER said I couldn't perform my job functions because of this. I just said that this was stressing me out, and after having dealt with the stress for HALF A YEAR, I decided it was time to speak up, because my job should not have to be so personally stressful.

 

I'm performing job functions just fine.

 

You said that it was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate at work. Does that not affect job function?

 

Look, I'm sorry. I just don't feel your pain. Half a year is 6 months. Trickery with words doesn't make your case any stronger. I myself as stated before, had a crush on my boss for 6 MONTHS. I got over it. Was it distracting? Sure! I had to keep myself from wanting to talk intimately with him, wanting to rip his clothes off, wanting to grab him and kiss him constantly. I pulled through. I felt the crush wearing off after a while. It's completely gone now. You didn't HAVE to do what you did. But you did and that's your choice.

 

It's just my opinion (whatever that's worth), that you could have handled it but you chose not too. It speaks volumes about your impulse control. I gather you already know that you have problems in that arena. I think making the appt with the shrink was the smartest thing you could have done. Even smarter will be to actually listen to this person and apply his/her suggestions and advise.

 

LS cannot help you. You know that right? Really all of this is here is conversational and completely subjective.

[johan]

Anyway, sleeping with him reaffirmed who I REALLY wanted to be sleeping with..

 

Who?