Update

[spookie]

You said that it was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate at work. Does that not affect job function?

 

Look, I'm sorry. I just don't feel your pain. Half a year is 6 months. Trickery with words doesn't make your case any stronger. I myself as stated before, had a crush on my boss for 6 MONTHS. I got over it. Was it distracting? Sure! I had to keep myself from wanting to talk intimately with him, wanting to rip his clothes off, wanting to grab him and kiss him constantly. I pulled through. I felt the crush wearing off after a while. It's completely gone now. You didn't HAVE to do what you did. But you did and that's your choice.

 

It's just my opinion (whatever that's worth), that you could have handled it but you chose not too. It speaks volumes about your impulse control. I gather you already know that you have problems in that arena. I think making the appt with the shrink was the smartest thing you could have done. Even smarter will be to actually listen to this person and apply his/her suggestions and advise.

 

LS cannot help you. You know that right? Really all of this is here is conversational and completely subjective.

 

You chose not to do anything. How do you know how it would have turned it if you'd done what I did?

 

People date and fall in love and get married. I want those things. Sometimes - probably oftentimes - the people we want them with are "inappropriate" - unavailable, far away, whatever. There's risk involved in pursuing almost anyone, and as far as inappropriate goes, the only reason here is he happens to be my boss - a fact that's easily changeable.

 

No matter how I twist it, I fail to see how telling him was NOT the smartest thing. This way, I can have both the awesome job AND the guy I want. How is that not like free money?

[AlektraClementine]

Oh don't get me started on free money. You're talking to a girl who highly values the strength of character that comes from a hard day's work.

[spookie]

Oh don't get me started on free money. You're talking to a girl who highly values the strength of character that comes from a hard day's work.

 

And I value arbitrage.

[AlektraClementine]

That's cool.

 

Look, I just think that you could have asked for the transfer in way that didn't involve going to your boss. Here's a scenario:

 

Spookie to HR: Hey, I love this company. I am highly interested in XYZ department and would love for you to consider transferring me there. Here are some ideas that I think I could put to use there.

 

HR Lady: Hmm. Let's see what we can do.

 

***Spookie gets transfer and gets settled in new department**

 

Spookie: Hey Jack, haven't seen you in a while. Wanna go for drinks and catch up?

 

Jack: Yes or No.

 

 

Jack isn't being put in an uncomfortable or comprimising position.

 

 

I really hope the best for you and I honestly think the shrink is a good idea. Best of luck to you. It's obvious to me that you are an exceedingly bright girl. I would love to see you put that to greater use.

[spookie]

That's cool.

 

Look, I just think that you could have asked for the transfer in way that didn't involve going to your boss. Here's a scenario:

 

Spookie to HR: Hey, I love this company. I am highly interested in XYZ department and would love for you to consider transferring me there. Here are some ideas that I think I could put to use there.

 

HR Lady: Hmm. Let's see what we can do.

 

***Spookie gets transfer and gets settled in new department**

 

Spookie: Hey Jack, haven't seen you in a while. Wanna go for drinks and catch up?

 

Jack: Yes or No.

 

 

Jack isn't being put in an uncomfortable or comprimising position.

 

 

I really hope the best for you and I honestly think the shrink is a good idea. Best of luck to you. It's obvious to me that you are an exceedingly bright girl. I would love to see you put that to greater use.

 

Seeing as how I've contemplated HOW to get transferred for MONTHS, I had considered this approach.

 

However, due to the nature of my profession and my current department, that would have rung completely false to everyone. My department happens to be the best in the company (the one tiny reason I might regret this), and Jack was already letting me follow all my psycho-seeming work-related ideas, which led to some really interesting projects for me. I could not have easily made up a excuse anyone would have believed. In a couple of years, maybe I'd have had a reason that could have feasibly been true - and we have an informal rotational program for that kind of thing - but not until then.

 

And if I waited that long, he would have gotten married, and pining would have gotten much more inappropriate.

[AlektraClementine]

Seeing as how I've contemplated HOW to get transferred for MONTHS, I had considered this approach.

 

However, due to the nature of my profession and my current department, that would have rung completely false to everyone. My department happens to be the best in the company (the one tiny reason I might regret this), and Jack was already letting me follow all my psycho-seeming work-related ideas, which led to some really interesting projects for me. I could not have easily made up a excuse anyone would regarding wanting to be more challenged, or having good ideas for another division, or anything. In a couple of years, if I continued learning at the pace I have been, maybe another reason would have feasibly been true- and even then, only maybe, and only in a couple of years.

 

The problem with waiting that long is that that might have been long enough for Jack to find someone to marry, which would have killed me.

 

All understandable. But like I said, you're a smart gal...you could have come up with something.

 

Killed you? Nah. Hurt? Sure! But you can't go through life avoiding pain. Pain is a huge part of life. To not know it, you cannot know true happiness.. Jesus I sound like a nutty monk on a mountain top.

 

I can promise you from my own perspective, getting "plugged into" life strengthens you. It's very fulfilling. Anyway, gotta run. Going to meet my man who's been on the road for a week. FYI- this relationship I'm in, is sooo much more fulfilling than anything I could have had with my boss. And he wasn't "unattainable". FWIW.

[spookie]

I don't get why it's ok for some woman to structure their lives so they can be stay at home wives, and to follow their husbands around without even thinking about their careers; but the fact that I made attempts to improve my life so I could have a job that didn't drive me crazy, is considered so wrong, and self-destructive, and Fatal Attraction, which is a movie(?) I've never seen so I don't actually know what that means.

 

This was not an attempt at career suicide. Career suicide would have been the route I was beginning to go down subconsciously - by being a little later each day so that I could get fired.

 

I could have lied. Or I could have disregarded my respect for the organizational structure and just asked him for a drink, like many posters here encouraged.

 

But I decided to be honest, and to trust the organization to decide what was best for everyone, given what's going on inside my head, which they happen to value.

[spookie]

All understandable. But like I said, you're a smart gal...you could have come up with something.

 

Killed you? Nah. Hurt? Sure! But you can't go through life avoiding pain. Pain is a huge part of life. To not know it, you cannot know true happiness.. Jesus I sound like a nutty monk on a mountain top.

 

I can promise you from my own perspective, getting "plugged into" life strengthens you. It's very fulfilling. Anyway, gotta run. Going to meet my man who's been on the road for a week. FYI- this relationship I'm in, is sooo much more fulfilling than anything I could have had with my boss. And he wasn't "unattainable". FWIW.

 

I tried to come up with something. I thought really hard, and I asked all my friends, and I posted a bunch of threads here in the span of several months asking for advice. I even called my mom.

 

This was the best approach I could think of. No one else could think of anything.

 

Your boss isn't my boss. My boss is perfect for me - you'll see.

 

I know about pain. I've been through lots of it. But IMO it's pretty pointless. And it's a little hard to believe that the right thing to do is deny myself things I want that are within my grasp because pain is better than happiness.

 

What's that you think I'm supposed to learn, anyway? If it's a lesson about consequences, you may be right, but I'm willing to bet that you're not (we'll probably find out this week.) If it's that self denial makes one a "better" person... I just don't know if I buy that. I don't even know if that's ever been one of my goals.

[BlueEyedGirl]

You said that it was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate at work. Does that not affect job function?

 

Look, I'm sorry. I just don't feel your pain. Half a year is 6 months. Trickery with words doesn't make your case any stronger. I myself as stated before, had a crush on my boss for 6 MONTHS. I got over it. Was it distracting? Sure! I had to keep myself from wanting to talk intimately with him, wanting to rip his clothes off, wanting to grab him and kiss him constantly. I pulled through. I felt the crush wearing off after a while. It's completely gone now. You didn't HAVE to do what you did. But you did and that's your choice.

 

It's just my opinion (whatever that's worth), that you could have handled it but you chose not too. It speaks volumes about your impulse control. I gather you already know that you have problems in that arena. I think making the appt with the shrink was the smartest thing you could have done. Even smarter will be to actually listen to this person and apply his/her suggestions and advise.

 

LS cannot help you. You know that right? Really all of this is here is conversational and completely subjective.

 

AC, anything specific you did that got you over your crush? I have had a crush on my OMG married boss for 2+ years that I can't shake. I have brief periods when I trick myself into thinking that I am over it but I never really am. It doesn't help that I feel he keeps giving me some encouragment whenever I start moving on although it's quite possible that that's all in my head.

[Isolde]

I still don't agree that a crush needs to be "controlled." In fact, sometimes the only way to get over one is to admit it to the object of the crush. I do think Spookie would benefit from therapy, but not for this reason!

 

Spookie, last year on two separate occasions I was rejected by two guys I could see the possibility of a relationship with. This was after just a couple dates. It sounds trivial and like a small thing, but it was actually pretty hard because I felt like I had been confident and showed my best side, done everything I could. Eventually I just got it into my thick head, that I was never going to see those guys again and they were not "meant" to be part of my life. Ever since then, I've become a lot more relaxed about this stuff. It's empowering, really it is, in a paradoxical way: to know that part of it is just out of your hands, that maybe you don't necessarily get to choose who the right person for you is.

 

I'm not one to say that everything in life happens for a reason or is fair; but in the arena of relationships I DO think that what initially seems to be a bad thing, may turn out to be a good thing or facilitate a good thing later on.