Author suzanne2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Well thank you for that. I just feel so stupid. I guess you have a point because I had no indication that anything was REALLY amiss. I knew he was having some bad days, but I mean how do you get from a few bad days to wanting a divorce and absolutely not wanting to work it out. Just very strange behavior. Like I said, I will call his mother tomorrow and we shall see how that goes. I will let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Move went well. I got all of my things and left the key to house behind when I left. I also left a disaster. Whatever, he can clean it up himself. Anyway, as I was moving I saw a hotel comfirmation on the fridge for the first weekend in May in New Orleans for the Jazz Festival. We would go to that together every year and he knows that I had already purchased the airline thickets for our trip this year for that weekend. The confirmation was printed on feb 5, so I know it was not meant for us. How can he be planning a trip with this person in three months, three weeks after we separated - and on the same weekend he knows that I will be there. That really hurt andthi s saddness just washed over me. I have not been able to shake it since. It's got to get better, right? Uh oh! Opportunity for more mischief! Since you were the one that purchased the tickets I'd have his cancelled along with any hotel reservations as well without telling him. Let him find out on his own at the last moment that there ain't no Mardis Gras for him this year! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Woh.... soooo tempting!! Feeling wicked, Suzanne? if he confronts you, tell him you thought it was for you two, and as you were no longer together, why would you still keep the reservation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 I did think of that. I figured that I would wait until the date got closer and then cancel on the day he leaves so when he gets there the reservations are cancelled. I don't want him to have the opportunity to re-book. Everything is really booked up for the Jazz festival and if he has no reservations once he gets there...it is the roach motel for him. Pelly - I think that you are rubbing off on me Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Atta girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Do it. And tell the Hotel you're his secretary. Then, when he asks who cancelled, and he confronts you, you can deny all knowledge. OOOOH! Better still, get a guy friend to do it for you!! That way, how can he even trace it back to you...? Lordy we can be sooooooo mean - !! Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Suzanne! I was thinking about you and how you were doing this weekend. I am glad the move went well for you. One of the questions you asked earlier is "how can he just cut bait so quickly like that?" Damn good question that I've asked myself a million times. And after reading umpteenth threads, talking with counselors...etc it seems that those beginning stages of lust/love are powerful enough to where people will literally "forget" about everything else. It's a chemical--and it's strong. But the chemical doesn't last. And in many cases it's just an illusion! Those poor souls that believe that by chasing the chemical it will set them free---well, they are in for a surprise. The sad thing is that it might take them 6-12 months before they realize it. And by then it's too late. You've already navigated some, if not most of the stages of grieving. You are special (and I don't mean short bus special). Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Geisha: He won't confront me...he doesn't have the ba**s. I had already decided to have one of the guys do it from work. They love this stuff. I just have to make sure that I pick one that I REALLY trust. I don't know if you ever heard the saying telephone, tell a friend, tell a firefighter. They gossip more than girls. How do you think that I get all of my info? hehehe Sands: Good to hear from you. How have you been holding up? It's been really wierd living in a new place by myself, lonley sometimes, but I'll get used to it. I hear you about the chemical. I guess that is the same thing that people call the affair "fog". I know that there will come a time in his life when he regrets what he has done. I may never be a witness to it, but I know it will happen. He may not regret leaving me, but I am sure that he will have regrets over how he treated me during this time. Especially since I have been ULTRA accomodating. He has been a real jerko^&. You don't just walk away from a marriage and not at least TRY to make it work. That is just ridiculous. You are also very special and deserve some loyalty and devotion in your life. Anyway, I am calling his mother tonight after I get home from work. I will keep you posted on how that goes. I guess it can only go one of two ways, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Geisha: He won't confront me...he doesn't have the ba**s. I had already decided to have one of the guys do it from work. They love this stuff. I just have to make sure that I pick one that I REALLY trust. I don't know if you ever heard the saying telephone, tell a friend, tell a firefighter. They gossip more than girls. How do you think that I get all of my info? hehehe If you have a really good guy friend who's gay - pick him. They're extremely trustworthy, and he won't have an agenda with you, in future, if you get my drift. Anyway, I am calling his mother tonight after I get home from work. I will keep you posted on how that goes. I guess it can only go one of two ways, right? I don't know how 'close' you are to her, and I don't know how you're going to tackle it (we gave you input some time ago) but good luck. Keep your cool and above all, be dignified. Then, she can't 'touch you for it'..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 Well I made the call and it went pretty much the way I expected it to. I started out by saying I don't know if you know this yet, but Mark asked me for a divorce. Silence on the other line. Then I turned on the water works I told her the story about how he had a new girlfriend and about how he took her to the wedding on Valentine's Day, and the whole sorted tale about how he is refusing to talk to me or to try to work it out. She was appaled and told me that she would have a ticket waiting for me at Ft. Lauderdale airport if I wanted to come and stay wither her for a while. She said that she would see what she could find out and call me back after she talked to his father this evening. I told her to please not let him know that I called and she said that she would keep that in confidence. She apologized for his behavior saying that he was not raised to be so cruel and she was mortified by is behavior toward me. We hung up with her saying that she loved me and would speak with me soon. I know that eventually they will have to rally to his side, but it was nice to hear from his own mother that she thinks he's an assh*&e. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Once they expose their barefaced 'cheek' in public, a woman can spot an acehowell a mile off. My very, very first BF was one. His mother warned me about him. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Now that you've crossed that hurdle its time to move full steam ahead into building your new life! "Damn the torpedos"!!! I'm thinking that, by his behavior, the root cause for his ire lays in jealousy he may harbor due to the close relationship you developed with his mother. Where on the ladder was he amongst their children and what did you perceive regarding sibling rivalry from your observational vantage point? Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 He is the youngest and his only other sibling is a sister. She is married with two children. They have a great relationship. Actually the whole family gets along great. From what his mother said last night, he has always had a hard time opening up. It is not like she and I are super close, he was definatley closer to her than I was, but he is acting like such a total ass that how can you not notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Sands_of_time Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Good for you Suzanne! His mom sounds level headed and didn't immediately jump to her son's defense. You already said this so good for you for recognizing it but she will eventually support her son. But didn't it feel good to have her listen? She even offered you a plane ticket to come stay with her!! He messed up and his mom knows it. Stay strong because you deserve better than what you got. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 The wonderful thing is, that when she asks him why - he won't have any clear justification for doing this. Not one bit. I trust you are still going to cancel his MardiGras booking, Suzanne..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 Maybe he does have an answer. I am just not in the "circle of trust" so I am not allowed to know it. Who knows. She says that she wants to "get to the bottom of this". I think I already got to the bottom when I married her son, but kept that to myself. She somehow thinks that she and her husband can fix this. I don't think so. The hardest part is done now for him - telling me he wants to divorce and getting me moved out of the house. So why backtrack now? The way he did it was not very nice. But as we all know karma is a bitch and he will get what is coming to him. I am just trying to move on with my life as hard as that may seem sometimes. I have not decided if I am going to cancel his reservations, they are not for mardi gras but rather for the jazz festival in May. I will see how I fell closer to the time and let you know. I may not give a fig by then. Anyway, I will keep you all posted on my progress. Slow as it may be. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Maybe he does have an answer. I am just not in the "circle of trust" so I am not allowed to know it. Who knows. She says that she wants to "get to the bottom of this". I think I already got to the bottom when I married her son, but kept that to myself. She somehow thinks that she and her husband can fix this. I don't think so. The hardest part is done now for him - telling me he wants to divorce and getting me moved out of the house. So why backtrack now? The way he did it was not very nice. But as we all know karma is a bitch and he will get what is coming to him. I am just trying to move on with my life as hard as that may seem sometimes. I have not decided if I am going to cancel his reservations, they are not for mardi gras but rather for the jazz festival in May. I will see how I fell closer to the time and let you know. I may not give a fig by then. Anyway, I will keep you all posted on my progress. Slow as it may be. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Maybe he does have an answer. I am just not in the "circle of trust" so I am not allowed to know it. Who knows. Oh, I don't think he'll be lost for answers. I said 'justification'. You see, his story will twist and wind and change as he treis and tries to give reasons - and ultimately, he will fail. ......I have not decided if I am going to cancel his reservations, they are not for mardi gras but rather for the jazz festival in May. Apologies, my mistake. I was going by memory, because my PC was so slow at turning pages today, I thought I'd be drawing my pension before I'd manage to check my facts.... I will see how I fell closer to the time and let you know. I may not give a fig by then. Anyway, I will keep you all posted on my progress. Slow as it may be. It will vary, as it's bound to. I don't see this being 'done and dusted' for a while, especially as now, his mum's involved. Keep well, honey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 I don't think that having how parents involved will really change anything. He has made his decision and I am quite sure that he will follow through on the divorce. I know that he will be reminded of me on a fairly regular basis though I ran into a guy that I dated breifly a few years before I got married. He is now married with a small daughter. It made me a little sad. Oh well. What can you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I don't think that having how parents involved will really change anything. He has made his decision and I am quite sure that he will follow through on the divorce. I know that he will be reminded of me on a fairly regular basis though I ran into a guy that I dated breifly a few years before I got married. He is now married with a small daughter. It made me a little sad. Oh well. What can you do? Yeah - while I don't have any problem with you talking to his mom, I hope she keeps your conversation sufficiently separated from her dealings with your husband, so that her involvement doesn't end up indirectly adding additional drama to your life. If her involvement somehow fans his anger at you, that wouldn't be a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 What a story and what an arsehole of a man. Please, please, please cancel those tickets! Or give me the details and I'll do it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Oh, yes, we're all queueing here for that one, jas....! Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 Don't you have to have emotions and feelings in order to feel angry? My STBXH has previously demonstrated his incredible lack of all human feelings and emotions. I honestly do not think he has the capacity to love or to hate. If he does, just wait unitl I cancel his hotel reservations in May He's going to be REALLY mad!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I'm cancelling all plans I have in May, just to hear the end of this one!! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author suzanne2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yeah, May should be a good month for me. His mother has not called me back and all my friends say that I should call her again since now the cat is out of the bag. I don't think I should though. If she had something to tell me, don't you think she would have called me? I don't have anything else to really say to her. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
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