leah_kely Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Hello All! After weeks of trying, I finally went out with a guy I met at work. It's kind of crazy because I told him I had finally given up on asking him out, abd he decided to go out with me. Anyway we went out, and it seemed like we had a good time, but he hasn't called me. I sent him an email, and he replied, and even told me to write him back, so I did. But I got not reply to that email. I guess I'm just curious how long is a good amount of time to wait for a guy to show interest before giving up? I'd also like to know wy guys can't tell a girl what they're thinking. I've told this if he's not into me to let me know. I mean it hurts my feelings more to know that a person wasn't honest with me, than it does to have someone be honest and tell me that they don't like me. I'd aprreciate any advice that anyone could give me. leah_kely Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 I'd also like to know wy guys can't tell a girl what they're thinking. This in particular stuck out for me in your post...the reason I feel inclined to respond to that particular bit is that most people can't tell one another what they're thinking most of the time. I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you for your statement! I do know and understand how frustrating it can be to not have an answer; however, he may have some sort of gameplan that involves kind of stringing you along to see how interested YOU are. People "play games" and whatnot all the time. The question for you should be whether you're in the mood to play along or not! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HereKittyKitty Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 You've sent a precedent for the relationship by chasing after him early on and now he has control. It seems like he is using you to boost his ego, and isn't willing to put any effort in himself. Someone you have an actual future with would show an interest in you without you having to initiate and maintain communication. Believe me, he could string you along for months with this behaviour, and although you *might* get a couple of more dates (if he feels generous enough), it will only end in heartbreak. You deserve better than this, because clearly he is never going to be straight up with you, and the relationship will never be equal. Do you want to continue chasing him and missing out on other opportunities just for the sale of gaining his sporadic attention? Get out now, while your dignity is still relatively in tact. He might wake up and realise that you're the chickie of his dreams. Or you'll never hear from him again, in which case it was all for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 I agree with everything HereKittyKitty said. This guy just wants you around for an ego boost. You told him you'd given up, then voila, he asks you out. He only wants to string you along and have him chase you. Is this how you want to remain? I think not. If I were you, I'd chalk this one up to experience and forget about him. Next time, let the man chase you. Don't ever lay all your cards on the table from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leah_kely Posted September 28, 2003 Author Share Posted September 28, 2003 Isn't it possible that he's just a shy guy? I mean it's not as if he's not showing any interest at all. We both always talk about making plans, but our schedules conflict. I always get out of work later than he does. Not to meantion the fact that we live over an hour away from each other. The only reason we even ever met is because the business he works for banks at the bank I work for. From what he's told me he has a strict mother, so she doesn't like girls calling the house for any of her sons (and if anyone knows what a latino mom is like you know this is true). He's always having problems with his work cell. I don't think it's professional to always call a person at work, so I won't call him at work unless I have to. He has called me at work a couple of times though. It's really hard to read him though. I know I've made it clear that I like him. He hasn't, but he does like to suggest going out. It's just hard to get our schedules to go together. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation. I'm not normally a person who gives up easily, but I've hit a point where I don't know what to do. I guess it's partly because I am not in control of things, and I can't handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
gocubsgo Posted September 28, 2003 Share Posted September 28, 2003 his mom doesn't like girls calling the house? he's a grownup? RUN. DON'T WALK. this guy is obviously a mama's boy and believe me, you don't want any part of that! i speak from experience. either that or he's a big fat liar and he's married! unless you see something in him that you have never seen in anyone you've come across, forget about him. find someone who will stop at nothing to see you or talk to you. don't you deserve that? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 28, 2003 Share Posted September 28, 2003 From what he's told me he has a strict mother, so she doesn't like girls calling the house for any of her sons (and if anyone knows what a latino mom is like you know this is true). Red flag. Whether he's Latino or Dutch, a man who won't 'let' you call him at home is hiding something. He has too many excuses for why you can't get in touch with him. Not good. I'd drop the idea of this guy and find someone who isn't scared to give you his number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leah_kely Posted September 29, 2003 Author Share Posted September 29, 2003 It's not as if I can't call him at all. I do have his work number, and I have had no problam calling him on that line. And he has returned my calls when I do call him. I just think it's unprofessional to always be recieving personal calls while at work. I mean you're there to work, not to socialize. We also have great conversations in person. When I met him I just thought that he'd be fun to hang out with. And once we went out, I saw something in him I really like. And I feel comfortable around him. I just need to be sure that giving up on him is the right thing to do. I mean what if I give up on something that could be good? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 I mean what if I give up on something that could be good? Or what if you're missing something great for something that's good? Remember to always try to look at things in a different way! Although if you're really this adamant about it, I'd say you probably have your mind pretty well made up. Perhaps contacting him once more is what you ought to do. Link to post Share on other sites
d.stevens Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 Originally posted by HereKittyKitty You've sent a precedent for the relationship by chasing after him early on and now he has control. It seems like he is using you to boost his ego, and isn't willing to put any effort in himself. Someone you have an actual future with would show an interest in you without you having to initiate and maintain communication. Believe me, he could string you along for months with this behaviour, and although you *might* get a couple of more dates (if he feels generous enough), it will only end in heartbreak. You deserve better than this, because clearly he is never going to be straight up with you, and the relationship will never be equal. Do you want to continue chasing him and missing out on other opportunities just for the sale of gaining his sporadic attention? Get out now, while your dignity is still relatively in tact. He might wake up and realise that you're the chickie of his dreams. Or you'll never hear from him again, in which case it was all for the best! Ouch... does this apply to every female that plays the "hard to get game" too? AIsn't that game usually taught by their mothers and friends. I agree to some level, because I don't play games, was just curious though because it would also save me a bunch of time. Link to post Share on other sites
TremblingBluStar Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 Leah - I'm in a similar situation right now with a girl I've known, and had feelings for for the past 4 years. When we do talk, and actually communicate, which isn't often, she treats me like I'm the center of her universe, and the greatest guy in the world. The one time we met in person, she did the same. Despite this, most of the time I have to mainain contact with her. She once said it would break her heart if we ever stopped talking. So, what I did was I stopped talking to her. I want to see if she'll make the effort to contact me instead of relying on me to keep in touch. If she does, great! If not, I'll be hurt, but I simply won't put up with it any longer. I'd suggest you adopt the same attitude with this guy. It doesn't matter how shy, or busy he is. He'd find a way to email you, even a few lines to let you know that he's thinking of you. If he refuses to do even that, he's probably not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveyDovey Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 well from what I read it does kind of seem like he might be using you. What does your gut tell you? I don't want you to hold onto something that is going to end in heartbrake.... THe only thing you can do is make is crystal clear that you are interested and see how he reacts, good luck hun. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Quotes are HereKittyKitty's. Someone you have an actual future with would show an interest in you without you having to initiate and maintain communication. So true. BOTH my sister and her bf worked hard to maintain their long-distance relationship. It wasn't just her doing all the work to keep the relationship going. It would have been so easy for both of them to give up, but they didn't because they BOTH FELT they had a future together. She'd go abroad to meet him. He'd come to the States. They racked up quite a long-distance phone bill. But you get the point, they both worked at it. He could string you along for months with this behaviour, and although you *might* get a couple of more dates (if he feels generous enough), it will only end in heartbreak. In my case, I was with him for nearly seven years. This kind of behaviour never changes - at least not for another person. I worked very hard trying to please him and trying to read him. I was the one who ended up having to adjust and twist myself into all sorts of shapes to accommodate him. I would be grateful for every crumb of affection or interest he showed me which wasn't all that often. And when it happened I'd think all that work I've been doing has paid off so I'd better work even harder and twist myself into more knots. The relationship will never be equal....Get out now, while your dignity is still relatively in tact. The relationship will never be equal as long as you're more into him than he is into you. It's so important to maintain your self-respect here. Believe me, there's nothing sadder than a 31 year old woman (me) looking for self-respect she's lost and wondering where other people get their spines so she could get one for herself. Ask yourself this, would a friend cause you this much heartache? And if s/he did, would you keep that friend? Link to post Share on other sites
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