rebmalove Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I justwant to know from couples who have been together for more than 10 years, what is the secret to staying together and maintaining a happy marriage? I'm just looking for a lil wisdom, thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You might want to stretch your timeline to say.. 30+ years. Maybe more. I've seen marriages hit the rocks at about the 15-20 year mark a lot. Some less than that. Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 We've been married 29 years. No one in this world loves me more then her. And Visa Versa. We had our rough times. Her depression (from childhood). My drinking (from childhood, no drinking for 11 years). Our faith. (Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave his life up for it. Do not forsake the wife of your youth). I was mentored by a man who was married for over 60 years. In truth, you have to be in love with marriage more then you're in love with your spouse. Because, what keeps you together when you open your eyes in the morning and see your spouse, and think to yourself "Oh, its you again"? You have to tell each other "I love you" everyday...several times a day, even if you don't mean it all the time. You have to be best friends. Even if he/she is your only friend. You have to encourage one another and believe the same things (more bible."unless two agree, how can they walk together?"). You never demean or complain (talk smack) about your spouse to anyone. And you don't listen to anyone do that about your spouse (especially your children). If you have a complaint, take it to them. Never compare your spouse to another (accept christ) man/woman. You married them. Have lots of sex, the more the better. Don't deny yourselves to one another. Some may not agree with this (more bible, And the two shall be one). The goal is to not know where you start and she/he begins. It is not important that you have your way. It is important that you put the others interests above your own (self sacrifice). That does not mean giving them every want. A short story. My wife did not want to move to Arizona from California. If we had stayed (looking at the economy) we would have nothing now, literally. Instead we have 2 homes with 1 payed for. She would now never want to move back (but likes to visit friends there). In closing, the goal is not to reach a happy marriage. It is to journey through a happy marriage. Thanks for listening Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 The two time periods at most risk of divorce (the highest rates) in a marriage is 7-10 years and empty nest 20 to 30 years. People get bored after 7 years or so. Empty nest years are because they have spent all their marriage focusing on the kids. When they go, if they have not cultivated their love, they develope different hobbies, hand with different people. and grow apart. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 you have to be in love with marriage this is soooo true: It's easy to love someone and believe with all your heart that you want to be with them the rest of your life, but when you don't have a realistic picture of just what it takes to be married, you'll fail. And "reality" means not always wanting to be in the same room with the chowderhead who's hurt your feelings, or dealing with in-laws politely when you'd rather not, about getting up with the baby all night then to take care of other responsibilities when you resent the hell out of the fact that your partner doesnt seem to have the same responsibilities. it's knowing that the love you have for this person morphs from bright-eyed idealism to a more jaded outlook to just going with the flow ... sometimes several times in one day. and it's knowing that your role isn't to change him or her to suit your needs, but to help that person you love become the best person he or she is meant to be even when it seems to be more of a process of pain and "two steps backward" rather than true progress. mostly, though, it's about deciding that your love for this person is the bedrock of your relationship, and that nothing can touch it ... even when you want to just pinch his pointy little head because he's being such a jackass about things. ... oh, and it's about seizing chances along the way to enrich your marriage because you understand that it's a good thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 We've been married 29 years. No one in this world loves me more then her. And Visa Versa. We had our rough times. Her depression (from childhood). My drinking (from childhood, no drinking for 11 years). Our faith. (Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave his life up for it. Do not forsake the wife of your youth). I was mentored by a man who was married for over 60 years. In truth, you have to be in love with marriage more then you're in love with your spouse. Because, what keeps you together when you open your eyes in the morning and see your spouse, and think to yourself "Oh, its you again"? You have to tell each other "I love you" everyday...several times a day, even if you don't mean it all the time. You have to be best friends. Even if he/she is your only friend. You have to encourage one another and believe the same things (more bible."unless two agree, how can they walk together?"). You never demean or complain (talk smack) about your spouse to anyone. And you don't listen to anyone do that about your spouse (especially your children). If you have a complaint, take it to them. Never compare your spouse to another (accept christ) man/woman. You married them. Have lots of sex, the more the better. Don't deny yourselves to one another. Some may not agree with this (more bible, And the two shall be one). The goal is to not know where you start and she/he begins. It is not important that you have your way. It is important that you put the others interests above your own (self sacrifice). That does not mean giving them every want. A short story. My wife did not want to move to Arizona from California. If we had stayed (looking at the economy) we would have nothing now, literally. Instead we have 2 homes with 1 payed for. She would now never want to move back (but likes to visit friends there). In closing, the goal is not to reach a happy marriage. It is to journey through a happy marriage. Thanks for listening I love your testimony :love: great thread !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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