Bella Jordan Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My boyfriend and I ended up taking a "break" in December. In the end, it was the best thing for our relationship - we reconciled a few weeks later and things have since been better than ever. On the first day of our reconciliation, however, he admitted to me that in the first days following the break, he slept with another woman - a woman with whom he shares many mutual friends and who has had a thing for him for as long as we have been together. While I appreciated his honesty, I do not understand why the two are still in contact. He admitted to me that, while at a friend's birthday party a week ago, he ran into her. However, I have since come to find out that 4 days ago, when he was home with severe food poisoning, she petitioned him to let her come over and bring him meds and Saltines and he allowed her. Meanwhile, he refused any care from me because, in his own words, it was "messy and bad" and he didn't want anyone to see him in that condition. And yet he allowed her to come over. And yet he didn't bother to mention this to me when I finally saw him two days later. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he had initially told her that he didn't need any care, only to have her show up his door 2 hours later. He assured me that I have nothing to worry about and that what happened between them while we were on our break was "purely sexual." I WANT to trust him. I really do. And before this, he's never given me any reason not to. I've discussed the situation with my friends and they all tell me that I have nothing to worry about - that he's head over heels in love with me and that this girl isn't even competition. But if that's the case, why am I having such a hard time trusting him?? And does his behavior constitute cheating? I'm so confused!! Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yes. If he had sex with her. Even if he doesn't care for her. He should not be in contact with her just because of how this makes you feel. He needs to understand that she is actively working to undermine your relationship. What happens if you have another low in your relationship. She will be jumping on top of him asap. If only to cause a problem with you and him in hopes of you dumping him. Then she will be there to catch him (most likely with her legs open). Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 if you guys were broken up on a break, it doesn't sound like cheating to me, really...But...It is uncool to remain friends with this girl...AND...it says a lot about him that he hooked up with this girl in that short break you had....AND...he knows very well and you know that this chick really digs him, so he's being disrepectful to you by remaining in contact. It is TOTALLY UNCOOL what he's allowing. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 What happened during your "break" wasn't cheating. What's happening now sounds as if it could be, if you let it go. You and him need to set the boundaries for your relationship. Make him understand your suspicions about this woman and for him not to initiate any contact with her. She is trying very hard to undermine your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 You see, this is exactly why I don't do these relationship, 'breaks.' They're too complicated and if the two people aren't on the same page, it can prove disastrous. Secondly, I would not want to get back with my girlfriend if she slept with someone else while we were on a, 'break' with the hopes of getting back together. Anywho, I would say that your relationship is over... If you're having trust issues now, then it'll only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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