Sister troubles

[issues11]

For as long as I could remember my family has had insane problems with my sister. My father and mother have been divorced since I was a child and mother has more children with other men she married. My mother is not a good mother or role model. My father has built a good family but he still has made mistakes.

 

My fathers side of the family is not like that. We are all educated, and upper middle class. We always had everything we needed.

 

 

My sister started hanging out with complete low lifes when she was in sixth grade. The kids that had nothing going for them except trouble. Kids that dropped out of school and did a lot of drugs. She started smoking at a young age and that eventually led to heavier drug use. She always had low confidence but never admits to anything being her fault. For as long as I can remember we have not gotten along. We have always been in competition and she has always been insanely jealous of me. She doesn't get along with anyone unless they are complete losers.

 

In high school she barely got through and my dad forced her into college. She has never been able to take care of herself. In her early years of college she tried to kill herself, I still remember the doctor telling us good luck after he got back her drug test. My dad always believed her, so he didn't think anything of it. She convinced him that she had tested positive for Marijuna. We found out later that she had a bunch of drugs in her system. During this time she dropped out of school and started hanging out at very sketchy night clubs. It took her several extra years to finally graduate. During this time she dated low life men who were my dads age. Finally we had a complete blow out because she was making our life miserable.

 

Now, we are having a big problem. Even though we do not speak to her because of everything she has done to us. We still worry about her. She is living with another man who is more than twice her age. This guy beats her but she doesn't leave. He has warrants for little things. Now her phone is off and we can not find her. My mother isn't much of a help. She has actually incourage this behavior. When my sister was in high school my mother would teach how to get guys to buy her drinks. Through out my sisters life my mother has tried to be her friend not a mother. My sister really started going downhill after she lived with my mother. My family has been exhausted by this, we are having financle problems, I just finished school and will be starting a career soon, and we really don't know what to do. I am my sisters polar opposite, I have never done drugs, Im popular, I have good friends, and I am the "good" one. Because of this we do not relate at all. Its almost like she hates it when I do ok. I am also in competition with her. We have always tried to show each other up but she has turned to the worst possible life. She is in her late 20's but she looks 38.

 

I'm really wondering what we can do to help her. I use to not care because she really has brought this on herself. she has never showed any regards for anyone else. She treats us like crap but forgets about it 5 minutes later. We are exhausted but is there anything we can do? If she really doesn't want to change, can we help her?

[Geishawhelk]

The harsh, cold "grey-light-of-day" answer is - no, you can't.

 

If she is following a pattern of behaviour that has been pointed out to her time and again - and she persistently refuses to see reason - it has reached the point where you are all going to have to distance yourselves from her and let her realise for herself that this is not on.

 

It's a heart-wrenching decision, but frankly, it's the only sane choice you have.

 

And there are always choices.

 

Basically, the one you have is to either continue in the same vein, or alter your course of action.

If everything you have done to date, has not worked, then it's madness to keep doing it.

 

The option you now have is to withdraw from her.

You need to turn your back on her and cut her out of your life.

She's a fully-grown adult now. She is responsible for her own choices and decisions, and has to be the one to take the consequences.

 

It feels like a tragic thing to have to do, but - you have to consider that the sister you have is not your sister.

 

You are estranged from her, and until such a time comes, that she really pulls herself up short and effects a complete about face - because SHE sees it, SHE wants to and SHE knows it's the only way to progress - you have to consider her out of the picture.

 

Many may disagree with what I have put.

But if things have reached this point, I really don't know what you can do to help her.

This is something she has to embrace 100%, herself.

Until then, I think you're all just pi$$ing in the wind.