andrewrost3241981 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 There is a girl that I like that is 18 (almost 19) years old who is away at college until this summer. I am 27 (almost 28). I also know that she has a boyfriend. I WILL NOT ASK HER OUT IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, but if she happened to break up with her boyfriend I would definitely consider asking her out. I am trying to get involved in some activities she may be involved in this summer so that I may get to know her better and to see if I "REALLY" like her. I have talked to different people about this. Some people tell me that it is OK to try to get to know her. My younger brother, however, has told me that she is just too young. My brother thinks it is a bad idea and that I am wasting my time. Due to fears I have had, I haven't really accomplished as much in my life as others my age (good job, driving an automobile on my own) but once I realized I like this girl my life has done a 180 and I am much more motivated and less scared to try to do things and work harder at improving my life and do countless other things to improve myself. I know that I may never even have a chance with this girl, but just the thought that I MIGHT possibly have a chance with her someday has changed my whole outlook on life and made me work harder and be less afraid. My brother says that he is glad that I am motivated, but he thinks that I should find a girl my own age. If there was another girl my age that I did like MORE than this girl, I would probably be motivated by that girl instead. However, I haven't found a girl that I like more than this girl, and it is hard for me to imagine someone as wonderful as her. I know that even if she doesn't/won't go out with me in the end, if I use her as my motivation my life will improve drastically. What do you think I should do? Do you think that what I am doing is OK considering her age and relationship status? Link to post Share on other sites
steveraves Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with asking out younger girls, with an age difference. The only thing that you really need to be concerned with is she's 19. If she intends on going to college, and even if she chooses not to her life is going to go through a lot of changes between 19 - 23. So it may not be a very stable or long lasting relationship. So be prepared for that. I think circumstances would be different if you were 31 and she was 24 or 25. That's just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Ramrod Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Dude, dude, dude...don't go there! If and that's a big if, she even entertained the idea, this would not be helping you to mature one bit. I don't know where you live, Texas?, Alabama? Missouri? Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I WILL NOT ASK HER OUT IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND .... Why not? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 I wouldn't ask her out if she had a boyfriend because I would just feel like I was trying to break them up and I would feel bad. I don't know that it really makes sense, but something in me tells me that asking her out while she has a boyfriend would be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 19, umm, don't know. I know some 19year olds that are mature, focused, and know what they want. But, I find the vast majority are still trying to find themselves. As far as the boyfriend thing, I have not pursued girls already in relationships, and I don't suggest it. Can get very complicated. Many women have a tendency to use someone to make their boyfriend/husband/fiance' jealous. Not alot of fun. Been there, done that. Took me almost a year to get over her because I was head over heels, and she used me then kicked me to the curb. Use your common sense and think with your head. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodlife Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I think it's great you have found something that has motivated you to do more with your life and get over some fears. That's really great and sometimes all we need is that push or that drive to get us going. BUT you've gotta look at the facts, she is only 19, she has a boyfriend, she's in college, so right now she's not really an option for you. The important thing right now is just to focus on yourself and continue to make things happen for you. Hopefully you can continue to feel the motivation within yourself without her, she was just the spark that started it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 As I mentioned before, I have already decided that I WILL NOT ask her out if she has a boyfriend, but if there comes a time in the future (especially this summer while she is at home) when she does not have a boyfriend I think I will try to ask her out. I have thought about it for a while now. Even though I am trying my best to turn my life around, I doubt that I will be able to go on a date with ANYONE ELSE anytime soon. I have thought about what would happen if I did ask her out. The worst possible scenario I can think of happening is that she will just say no to us going out and that will probably be the end of it. I will then have to look for another girl that I might like and try to ask that girl out. I really don't know is really that bad that could happen. If we do go out and find that we are incompatible, the that will also be the end of it. But if we did go out and found that we really were compatible and liked each other, that would be great. I just don't know/understand what is so bad that could really happen from me trying to ask her out one day (assuming she is available). I also don't know or understand the stigma that some people have about the age difference. I tried talking to my brother about the age difference and why it was that bad, and all he would really tell me is that "she is too young". I don't know that there is a certain age difference that makes going out wrong. We have a 9 year age difference. Would 8 be OK? Or 7? Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I can't see any problem with asking her out. Used to be that guys tended to marry women 1/2 their age plus 7 years. Which just looks better and better as one gets older! Things are probably a bit different now. But 28/2 = 14, add 7 and you're at 21 . . . . There are probably limits to that younger woman thing. The biggest difference I'm personally familiar with is 54 to 20, a 34 year difference. That's a lot of time. She's actually only a few years older than my daughter, and if I think about it a bit she could just barely make it as granddaughter age. But she's very decorative, sharp, and studying a field I'm very familiar with. Outside of that field and her piercings, what do we have to talk about? There's the rub. Is the age difference enough that communication will be a strain? And that's very much dependent upon the individual circumstances. But given the minimal difference in age really, I'd say go for it if there's an opening. I happen to agree about the boyfriend limitation, though. If it bothers you now, it won't get any better. Link to post Share on other sites
doomed Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Age difference is huge considering your ages. You're older than her by almost half her life, but if you don't consider yourself that mature either then... Yeah, go for it with no expectations so no big disappointments. At 41 or so, I had a girl-that-was-a-friend tell me to go date some 20 year olds. When asked: What the heck would I talk to them about ? She answered: They're not for talking to. For me, something in common really helps: Me: So what do you like to do ? Her: I like to get high and I like to do things. Me: Ok, so what do you like to do ? Her: I like to get high and I like to do things. Me: bbye! doomed your mileage may vary Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Just so everyone knows, I met this girl at my church and I have to intention of "messing around" with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 That should have been "no intention", not "to intention". Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 To a lot of 18 year olds, a guy your age is OLD. Ancient. You are in two very different phases of life, so there's not much chance of this working out. She's meeting a lot of guys in school, and what will you do anyway when she's off at school for 9 months? Find a WOMAN closer to your own phase of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 As to the college she goes to, it is really only an hour away. I just need to get to know her over the summer to see if I like her, and if she doesn't have a boyfriend I will probably ask her out. I don't know what the worst thing could happen would be (I am guessing that it might not work out). I can't really go on a date with anyone else anytime soon anyway, so I don't know why it would hurt to try to make it work with this girl. It might not work out in the end, but I don't know why giving it a try could really hurt anyone in the long term. Link to post Share on other sites
mpw3 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 To the OP, Why are you so interested in this girl, when she hasn't given you the same kind of interest? You said you will not find a girl as wonderful as her. Hmm, there are a lot of wonderful and beautiful girls around your age, 25-33. As most people have stated, there are too many obstacles at this point, she much younger at 19 compared to you. She already has a boyfriend, she's in college, and she hasn't shown interest in you. Most men would have moved on, so why are you so fixed on this girl? Are you not telling more then we should know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author andrewrost3241981 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 As to her not showing any interest in me, I REALLY have not talked to her that much to know if she would be interested in me or not. I am trying to get involved in some activities at my church that she may also be involved in this summer to get to know her better and have chances to talk to her. I don't know what it is about this girl. I have liked many other girls before in my lifetime (most of them were my age) but for some reason I think this is the first time in my life that I have ever felt like trying to better myself in order that I might "possibly" go out with a girl (I know all of the limitations right now, boyfriend, age, college). I have much more confidence in myself and am willing to do things that I was unwilling or too afraid to do before to get to know other girls. Everyone around me has commented to me on how much I have been trying to improve my life, even though not all of them really know the reason why. For whatever reason, I am willing to work harder to get to know this girl, and I think having this confidence just makes me like her even more. This crush I have on her has made me work so much harder than I have ever worked in my life to get to know a girl (for reasons I may not really know myself), and this is why I think it will be hard to find a girl as "wonderful" as her. I don't know of anything else that I am keeping from this thread that could really elaborate on this situation. Also, I don't have a job right now, which would probably keep me from going out with anyone else (if there was someone else I thought I wanted to go out with right now). I think that by the end of the school year I will have been able to have found a job and be able to go out with someone. If she doesn't have a boyfriend, I will try to ask her out. If she says no, then I will just have to live with it and wait until I find someone else who I want to go out with. If I knew of a girl that I knew and liked MORE that didn't have all of these possible limitations, I would probably try to focus on trying to go out with that girl instead, but I just haven't found any right now that I like more right now. Since I can't really go out with any other girl for a while because of not having a job, I don't really see the harm of waiting for this summer to see if this girl does become available and try to ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
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