Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 We are switching over here due to the other thread getting WAY off topic. Situation: Boyfriend agrees to go to my parents to watch the Superbowl wiht me. Gets a call from his best friend who invites himself over to our apartment. He "runs it by me" and I say I want him to come to my parents house with me and I'd rather his friend not stay here because I have to go to work the next day. BF did NOT like the answer, said I was nagging him, ect. I tried to talk to him, he said we should talk about it in the morning because I was getting "irrate." (his version of irrate is raised voices) Current standing: who the heck knows. Link to post Share on other sites
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Seems unreasonable to me. But at least he is willing to talk about it. I think that you should be overly calm when talking to him about it, lest he clam up and decide to stop talking again. Should I add the disclaimer that I don't know the full history? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Does he want to blow off the superbowl at your parents and just stay home and watch the game with his friend? Can his friend accompany you to your parents and then drive home instead of staying over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Does he want to blow off the superbowl at your parents and just stay home and watch the game with his friend? Can his friend accompany you to your parents and then drive home instead of staying over? His friend doesn't want to come, he wants to come over to our apartment and drink beer and play with their orks. They want to get drunk I think, hence not wanting to go to my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Anyone, guy or gal, friend or lover, who would blow off a prior engagement when something "better" comes along is an a55 hat. Agreed. But what makes it worse is that he's your BF, and he's blowing you off to play with figurines with his friend who lives in town. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 The ironic thing is that his friend doesn't even LIKE the Steelers! It's probably just an excuse to get drunk and play with orks. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Wow. This guy is 27? Or 17? or 7? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Wow. This guy is 27? Or 17? or 7? HAHA, yeah he acts like he's 17. Or maybe 7..that's a toss up... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 So what will end up happening is that if you make him keep his commitment with you- he'll spend the day resenting you. If you allow him to do what he wants- he'll be as happy as a clam wallowing in his own selfishness without regard for how his decision makes you feel. The guy seems to get what he wants pretty much always. Of course most of the things you post about, you should be upset about. I just wonder if you are ever going to truly get your needs met out of this relationship. I think a lot of people hope you'll hit your breaking point and leave him. If it were me- and my bf made that commitment then backed out- I'd simply go to my parents without him and probably not come back for a day or two. It's not like this is a "first" time for him- he does this to you all the time. I think it's safe to say he isn't going to stop this behaviour ever... But when are you going to stop putting up with it and leave him behind? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 sorry LB I just can't get past the orks! I think it is crappy that he would even consider it and I would not tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 So what will end up happening is that if you make him keep his commitment with you- he'll spend the day resenting you. If you allow him to do what he wants- he'll be as happy as a clam wallowing in his own selfishness without regard for how his decision makes you feel. The guy seems to get what he wants pretty much always. Of course most of the things you post about, you should be upset about. I just wonder if you are ever going to truly get your needs met out of this relationship. I think a lot of people hope you'll hit your breaking point and leave him. If it were me- and my bf made that commitment then backed out- I'd simply go to my parents without him and probably not come back for a day or two. It's not like this is a "first" time for him- he does this to you all the time. I think it's safe to say he isn't going to stop this behaviour ever... But when are you going to stop putting up with it and leave him behind? Yeah in both scenerios I kind of get screwed. My parents suggested that I just come over there and stay there for the night and let him do what he wants. I guess that's probably what I'll end up doing.. *tear* Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Situation: Boyfriend agrees to go to my parents to watch the Superbowl wiht me. Gets a call from his best friend who invites himself over to our apartment. He "runs it by me" and I say I want him to come to my parents house with me and I'd rather his friend not stay here because I have to go to work the next day. i have no idea wtf you're talking about here...please clarify thanx alphie Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 figurines Is that what an ork is? How did you know that? Laurie the bottom line is that he had a previous commitment, which he appears to be trying to reneg upon. Had he not already agreed, that would be a different story. His actions, if he follows through with what he wants to do, are rude. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I usually wouldn't recommend this, but...maybe stay longer? Stay the entire weekend, take a good book or two and relax at your parents house. Shut off your mobile. He seems to react more to your aloofness than to talking, trying to working things out. Just leave him with this. Don't bother. Everytime he checks out of the relationship for the weekend, you check out too. You are a great person, Laurie, and you don't need him. You know that. And he should know it, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 i have no idea wtf you're talking about here...please clarify thanx alphie The superbowl is on Sunday. I had plans to watch it at my parents house. He agreed to come yesterday. He then gets a call from his best friend last night who is trying to get him to agree to stay at our apartment and watch the superbowl with him while I go to my parents alone. I get upset and tell him, he says I'm nagging him and gets upset. We drop it because I had to go to bed and say we will discuss it tommorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 OP, go to parents and enjoy SBS. Then, spend night at parent's and go to work from there. Continue on as if nothing happened. Watch for his actions/words. Think about it. Having him join you at your parents for SBS was something you wanted to share with him. He's not interested so he doesn't get to share. Life goes on. Another entry in the ledger Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 The superbowl is on Sunday. I had plans to watch it at my parents house. He agreed to come yesterday. He then gets a call from his best friend last night who is trying to get him to agree to stay at our apartment and watch the superbowl with him while I go to my parents alone. I get upset and tell him, he says I'm nagging him and gets upset. We drop it because I had to go to bed and say we will discuss it tommorrow. talk with him tomorrow in a calm demeanor and tell him he already agreed to go with you to your parents and if he backs out then you'll cut of teh nookie Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yeah in both scenerios I kind of get screwed. My parents suggested that I just come over there and stay there for the night and let him do what he wants. I guess that's probably what I'll end up doing.. *tear* But what happens the next time? You put up with so much with this guy. If you do end up staying over at your parents- I wouldn't tell him so ahead of time. I'd leave calmly, tell him have fun and stay at your parents for a couple days. He's never going to change- because he knows no matter how he acts, you aren't going to leave him! What do your parents think about your bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 OP, go to parents and enjoy SBS. Then, spend night at parent's and go to work from there. Continue on as if nothing happened. Watch for his actions/words. Think about it. Having him join you at your parents for SBS was something you wanted to share with him. He's not interested so he doesn't get to share. Life goes on. Another entry in the ledger Yeah, my parents suggested I spend the night there too. That's probably what I'll do. Actually my dad told me the same thing you just said: just leave and come back as if nothing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yep, dads think alike This is an excellent opportunity to make use of all the stuff you've learned here on LS and that excellent psychological training you've received. Perform actions which are positive for *you*. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 But what happens the next time? You put up with so much with this guy. If you do end up staying over at your parents- I wouldn't tell him so ahead of time. I'd leave calmly, tell him have fun and stay at your parents for a couple days. He's never going to change- because he knows no matter how he acts, you aren't going to leave him! What do your parents think about your bf? Yeah, I know he thinks I'll never leave. That's the problem. He's going to get a HUGE shock to his system when I say I'm getting my own apartment in May. As far as what my parents think of him, they have huge issues. They say he is a nice enough guy (because he is in person) but they don't like the way he treats me sometimes. And they hate seeing me unhappy. My parents both suggested that at the end of April I have a talk with him and tell him that I am getting my own apartment. No drama or marriage talk just pretty much tell him you want different things and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Prepare yourself for that talk, Laurie. He might and probably will threaten to break-up. Don't be blackmailed. For your courage and to lift your spirits: :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I say I'm getting my own apartment in May. Say, then do. Nice positive action. No reason you can't continue to date if you so choose. Living alone offers time for reflection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Prepare yourself for that talk, Laurie. He might and probably will threaten to break-up. Don't be blackmailed. For your courage and to lift your spirits: :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Oh no, if I move out Im breaking up with him. I don't think I could handle not living with him and still trying to stay in a relationship with him. I need to move on from him and start my own life. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 So, you plan on breaking up in May? Is that a definite plan? Link to post Share on other sites
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