serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 hey lb! first off, congrats on your new & improved confident attitude!! it sounds like you really made some good changes in and for yourself so that's rad... i banned myself from responding to you for months because i felt very frustrated with your situation.... anywayz, i have been reading all of your threads as they are always interesting so i feel pretty well informed to give you advice... here it is... i am a very laid back girl and i feel like i'm totally different from you in a lot of ways but i used to be a lot like you are in this relationship in a prior relationship which lasted on and off 6+ years... i really wanted to get married, he didn't, he was easily persuaded by his friends, put them before me, etc... since that relationship has been over, i have adopted a wayyy more laid back attitude concerning relationships if i were you, i would just let him do what he wants but not get pissed at him. i mean, first of all are YOU a big football fan? if you aren't, then who really cares if he watches it at home or at your parents? i mean, don't get me wrong, i understand that he already said he would go to his parents but really, don't you see how a 20something year old guy would rather watch the game with his friends than go to his girlfriends parents house? and if i remember correctly, you said he doesn't really enjoy going to your parents' house anyway, right? you're not married - if you were married i would see how he has some obligation to go to their house because they'd be familly, but as it stands, i could understand how he might be more into spending the day watching the game getting drunk at his own place with his friend. i guess personally i may be more of a party girl than you are, but, especially if you are a big football fan, i would welcome the friend, maybe invite some of my friends, or either way i'd be drinking and watching the game and rather be doing that than going to my parents'. or if spending the time watching the game with your parents is more important to you then i would just go and let him do what he wants, as your mom suggested i think my point really is that you should decide what you want and then make that decision for yourself, regardless of what he does. i know this is something that i myself struggle with but it really makes things more pleasant for both of you. another thing that really strikes me about your posts, and is reflected again in this one, is that you don't like his friends -to me that can be a MAJOR dealbreaker. with my ex who i mentioned, i really didn't like the day to day guy friends who he spent most of his time with... i ended up seeing them as my enemies and that really poisoned our relationship.... in the current relationship i'm in, my dude's friends are really important to him so i go out of my way to be nice to them and i do genuinely like them but it makes it SO MUCH easier because most of the time when he wants to do something with them, he invites me and i end up going and its fun all around your bf seems to invite you to do things with his friends a lot... i think if you really want to be with him long term then you have to find a way to like his friends or else... otherwise it'll just be you against them every time and that will make you miserable i hope this makes sense... i don't have the time to type all i want to say good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Ok, where you watch a football game is secondary IMO, but AGAIN, your BF reminds me of my most horrid BF in his manipulitive reactions : Any sign that I wasn't 100 % thrilled with his every breath, any NORMAL couple disagreement we had, meant I was " crazy" irrational" "nagging" "overly dramatic". I've brought up the paralells before LB, and I hope you REALLY can decide that his positive traits outweigh his negative ones, because controlling, PA, uncomfortable with any expression of unhappiness, people are TOUGH to live with ! Good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Oh no, if I move out Im breaking up with him. I don't think I could handle not living with him and still trying to stay in a relationship with him. I need to move on from him and start my own life. why don't you just split now? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 How about arrange for a girlfriend to call an hour before the SB and suggest that she come over to watch it with you. Simply explain that the plans have changed yet again and he will have to leave so that you and your friend can enjoy the game together. Seriously LB, I think I would let him plan something then have something else come up. If he protests tell him he's nagging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 why don't you just split now? My name is on the lease. Plus I can't just leave him high and dry. Plus I want to give the relationship at least a few more months to see what happens. I love him I don't want to move out. We DO get along despite some random fights so it's not like it's total hell living here. If it was total hell I would just up and leave. I'm giving him like 3 months to show some kind of signs that he is getting more serious. If not, I'm getting my own apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 How about arrange for a girlfriend to call an hour before the SB and suggest that she come over to watch it with you. Simply explain that the plans have changed yet again and he will have to leave so that you and your friend can enjoy the game together. Seriously LB, I think I would let him plan something then have something else come up. If he protests tell him he's nagging. Well in his defense, he didn't ask me to leave. He said that I am completely welcome to stay. I mean I guess I could, but I did already tell my parents that I was going to come there. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 why don't you just split now? That's what I was going to ask! Your parents sound supportive and willing to help. Move home and then search for an apartment. Why wait another 4 months wasting time like this. To start with- DO stay at your parents for a couple days- as someone else suggested, turn the mobile off, and take some time to reflect. He responds to that. It would be really awesome to see you say "enough is enough" and follow through. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I'm giving him like 3 months to show some kind of signs that he is getting more serious. If not, I'm getting my own apartment. nothings going to change in 3 months, trust me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 That's what I was going to ask! Your parents sound supportive and willing to help. Move home and then search for an apartment. Why wait another 4 months wasting time like this. To start with- DO stay at your parents for a couple days- as someone else suggested, turn the mobile off, and take some time to reflect. He responds to that. It would be really awesome to see you say "enough is enough" and follow through. My name is on the lease though. I don't think I can get another lease if I'm already locked into one. And yeah my parents would take me in a heartbeat, but he will be screwed also because I don't know if he can afford to live here by himself. I love him, I don't want to leave him high and dry. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 He could find a friend to move in. Then he could play figurines all day, every day Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 if i were you, i would just let him do what he wants but not get pissed at him. i mean, first of all are YOU a big football fan? if you aren't, then who really cares if he watches it at home or at your parents? i mean, don't get me wrong, i understand that he already said he would go to his parents but really, don't you see how a 20something year old guy would rather watch the game with his friends than go to his girlfriends parents house? Whether he'd personally prefer to watch the game at home or at her parents house isn't the issue. First of all, if he stays home, HE won't even be watching football as he'll be playing with his figurines instead. Secondly, and more importantly, HE MADE PLANS WITH HER, and is now DROPPING HER and calling her "nagging" because she's asking him to keep his word. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My name is on the lease though. so what? you can send him a cheque every month for your share of the rent... I don't think I can get another lease if I'm already locked into one. thats not true Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 He definitely has the mentality that the woman, whether it is a wife or gf, is "the old ball and chain". You can see that throughout LB's threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 He could find a friend to move in. Then he could play figurines all day, every day Well he can't break our lease either. It's not up until May. Plus we have a two bedroom apartment but one of the rooms is an office. I could live at my parents for 3 months (which would be suck) and pay him rent for 3 months until the lease is up but I want my own apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My name is on the lease. Plus I can't just leave him high and dry. Yes, you can. We DO get along despite some random fights so it's not like it's total hell living here. No, you don't. Not like two people who love each other should. I'm giving him like 3 months to show some kind of signs that he is getting more serious. If not, I'm getting my own apartment. You're setting yourself up for disappointment, hun - like every time you hoped for a ring or a particular present. You know that ain't going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 At 42, I can say that I have had more than a few relationships with the opposite sex ! Some were younger, some older, some MD's and some blue collar. The ONE UNFAILIBLE rule, is that the good guy, the one who'll make a great husband, father, partner, is the kind of guy who really hates to see his woman upset. Not a doormat, but the kind of guy who puts the relationshio before his personal needs. The other kind of guy, the kind who makes any small issue you might have, into a BIG PROBLEM FOR HIM, is the kind who makes a lousy damn husband ! Word to the wise.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 so what? you can send him a cheque every month for your share of the rent... Okay but then I won't be able to pay for my own apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Well in his defense, he didn't ask me to leave. He said that I am completely welcome to stay. I mean I guess I could, but I did already tell my parents that I was going to come there. lb- did you read my response to you? damn, your threads move so fast a whole page happened in the time it took me to type it... but i did take time and effort to think about your situation so i hope you'll read it & maybe tell me what you think i think people on here are quick to make conclusions, like that he is kicking you out to watch the football game with his friend... relationships are all about compromise and i hope you guys can find a compromise i know you already told your parents you would go, but how important is it to you to spend the SB at their house? to me, it's more important to way things out this way (i.e. what do YOU want to do) rather than focusing on whether your boyfriend is being and idiot... sorry i'm not too good with words right now (TGIFitis) but what i mean is that if wanting to watch the superbowl with your bf and just have a good time is your priority then do that. if spending time with your family is your priority then do that. at this point, you can't have them both. but even though its crappy of him to back out on you, don't hold it against your BF (given the fact that you don't want to break up with him... unless of course you do...) Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You saved a lot of money, right? Money can buy you the freedom of leaving whenever you want. I am not saying that you should pack up right now. But you don't have to live through 3 months of fighting and disappointment, if you don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My name is on the lease though. I don't think I can get another lease if I'm already locked into one. Of course you can. And yeah my parents would take me in a heartbeat, but he will be screwed also because I don't know if he can afford to live here by himself. I love him, I don't want to leave him high and dry. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 He wouldn't have to break the lease. He's just getting a sub-letter. Not sure I spelled that correctly. The other room is probably set up as an office, but only because you guys made it that way. It's just a smaller room, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Okay but then I won't be able to pay for my own apartment. LIE. What about all that extra cash you have saved? Stop making excuses. If you want to stay with a jerk, then just stay. But stop making excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 You saved a lot of money, right? Money can buy you the freedom of leaving whenever you want. I am not saying that you should pack up right now. But you don't have to live through 3 months of fighting and disappointment, if you don't want to. Yeah I know but I can't afford to pay for both my own apartment and rent here. Plus I just don't know if I can break up with him now, I'm not ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. Honestly, do you think if you left he wouldn't be able to function? Trust me, he would figure it out. There are always people looking for shared living situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 He wouldn't have to break the lease. He's just getting a sub-letter. Not sure I spelled that correctly. The other room is probably set up as an office, but only because you guys made it that way. It's just a smaller room, no? Yeah the other room is an office. That's why I'm saying he wouldn't be able to get a roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
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