Greeney03 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Hey people, I need advice here. Well, my girlfriend has tons of guy friends and she hangs out with them like to the malls, lunches, dinners, etc. I trust her, but should I be concerned because whenever her guy friend ask her to hang out she keeps going with them? Thanks in advance.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Does she choose them over you? Does she hang out with her girl friends as well? Does she spend adequate time with you?
norajane Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Does she ever invite you to join them? What does she say when you offer to join them for dinner? What do you and your gf do together? Do you ever go to malls, lunches and dinners?
Yamaha Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Do these guy friends buy her dinner, etc. or do they each pay their way?
unacceptable62 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Also, how long have y'all been dating?
RRyan65 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Let's put it this way... If she has ONE guy friend, the odds that he wants to have sex with her are .99 to 1. Not bad. /sarc If she has TWO guy friends, the odds that one of them wants to have sex with her is .995 to 1 If she has THREE guy friends, the odds that one of them wants to have sex with her are .997 to 1. Get my drift? Pulling her away from these guys is only going to prove to her your insecurities about the situation. Truth is, you're right to not accept to be in this situation, however you cannot control a woman. So, what can you do? Next time you're in this situation, make sure you don't consider her your g/f whilst she still has other "platonic" men in her life.
RRyan65 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Do these guy friends buy her dinner, etc. or do they each pay their way? This is irrelevant.
missdeathwish Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 If you trust her, don't worry about it. Seriously, if you try to ask her to not hang out with her guy friends you'll come across as insecure and/or controlling. It's not a problem unless she frequently cancels plans with you to hang out with them. If you trust her, guy friends are like girl friends. Even if they're interested, it doesn't matter one bit because you know she's not. Maybe try to include more of these guy friends in group plans? Then you can check them out a bit and see how they're interacting with each other. Have a party, or go do something silly as a group.
torranceshipman Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 A well adjusted, sociable woman is likely to have good friends of both genders. You need to respect that. My best friend is a guy and we meet for dinner/etc a lot. He's a totally cool guy and an important part of my life, and if I started dating a new guy who told me to stop seeing this guy, I'd dump him. Why? Because the new guy would have overstepped his boundaries!-and clearly has trust and insecurity issues...actually in my mind that might stretch to control issues. I clearly don't want to be with a guy like that. Saying that...that question about do they pay when your girl goes out to dinner with them - this has HUGE significance. Whilst I hang out with guy friends, we always go dutch, and I'd only let them pay if there was a romantic edge to something/if it was a date. I think a lot of girls are like that. So watch out if thats the case. Otherwise totally chill and dont turn into that insecure, jealous guy as she'll think you're a loser.
Surfer Dude Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 A well adjusted, sociable woman is likely to have good friends of both genders. You need to respect that. My best friend is a guy and we meet for dinner/etc a lot. He's a totally cool guy and an important part of my life, and if I started dating a new guy who told me to stop seeing this guy, I'd dump him. Why? Because the new guy would have overstepped his boundaries!-and clearly has trust and insecurity issues...actually in my mind that might stretch to control issues. I clearly don't want to be with a guy like that. Saying that...that question about do they pay when your girl goes out to dinner with them - this has HUGE significance. Whilst I hang out with guy friends, we always go dutch, and I'd only let them pay if there was a romantic edge to something/if it was a date. I think a lot of girls are like that. So watch out if thats the case. Otherwise totally chill and dont turn into that insecure, jealous guy as she'll think you're a loser. Agreed. I always let my girlfriends do whatever they want. I'm not really interested in taking their freedom away, they can hang out with as many guys as they like. But they should be aware I'm seeing other women on the side. It's fair isn't it? Freedom for everyone. If they start complaining, then it means they're trying to play both sides of the fence! haha
movingonandon Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 This is all fine in theory, except most infidelities start with "we were just friends" . The point is, that if a woman spends excessive amount of time with other men, she already is making the choice to possibly, maybe, let some sort of bonding to develop (and she knows it). True girl-guy friendship exist only in cases where there is no possibility of sexual interest whatsoever, they go waaay back, or the girl is dumb as a doorknob .
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Hey people, I need advice here. Well, my girlfriend has tons of guy friends and she hangs out with them like to the malls, lunches, dinners, etc. I trust her, but should I be concerned because whenever her guy friend ask her to hang out she keeps going with them? Thanks in advance. Where are you in terms of friendship? If you are her boyfriend and one of her friends - that would be the ultimate experience now. Its ok for your girlfriend to want to hang out with her guy friends - she's probably comfortable in her own skin and well adjusted. How does she behave in front of these guy friends? If she's "one of the guys" kinda gal then you've got nothing to worry about - if there's alot of sexual tension, straight on flirtation, propositioning then you've got something to worry about. How long has she known these guy friends? If they are new guy friends, it would seem more suspicious than guy friends she's known say since early highschool.
alphamale Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Well, my girlfriend has tons of guy friends and she hangs out with them like to the malls, lunches, dinners, etc. I trust her, but should I be concerned because whenever her guy friend ask her to hang out she keeps going with them? Thanks in advance. if you are not invited then you have BIG reason for concern
james123 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 hmm would she be okay with you having other women in your life? I would guess not.
Surfer Dude Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 hmm would she be okay with you having other women in your life? I would guess not. Agreed. Do the same thing to her, and if she yells "CHEATING!" (which she might, many women do), tell her that her behavior is completely unacceptable and that she should either accept you having female friends or that you would drop her cold turkey.
RRyan65 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 This is all fine in theory, except most infidelities start with "we were just friends" . The point is, that if a woman spends excessive amount of time with other men, she already is making the choice to possibly, maybe, let some sort of bonding to develop (and she knows it). True girl-guy friendship exist only in cases where there is no possibility of sexual interest whatsoever, they go waaay back, or the girl is dumb as a doorknob . This is where truth lies. What torrance said is complete and utter bull*****. She even said "We go ductch" unless there was a romantic edge! WTF? Are you saying that you view one or two of your guy "friends" as a likely (if only 10% chance) candidate for romance? This is why it isn't 'cool' for this stuff to happen. Having guy friends is okay, it's the hanging out with them part after being in the relationship long term. Whatever your definition for long-term may be. Look, the idea isn't to try to control her and make her do something she doesn't want to do. What you need to tell her is that you are out of there if this behavior continues. That is being in control of YOUR life, not hers. YOU are the one bailing the scene, the only thing you deprive her is of your company and dignity. Another thing torrance pointed out is that she views it as okay to hang out with guy friends regardless of their interest level. Hell, thats half-way to cheating right there. Are you stupid? Remember, we're talking bf/gf situations here, not casual dating!
carhill Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Is this the GF who was "talking" with her ex whom she waited 3 years for? How old are you?
ElevenOfSpades Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I have to disagree with a lot of people on this thread. Just because she is now in a relationship is no reason to drop her old friends simply because of their gender. If the OP doesn't like this, of course he should walk, but it's not her problem. It's just compatibility. Some women (myself included) simply get along better with guys and enjoy their company simply as another person, not as a guy or potential love interest. They may have common interests, know each other from high school or college groups, etc. Other women, however, simply go out looking for male attention to build their ego. The question is, which one is your girlfriend? Are these friends new, or old pals? Does she ditch you for them, or does she make sure to spend lots of quality time with you? Bring this up with her, and tell her you want to understand her view on this. If the friendships are old and platonic, and she'd be ok with you having female friends, she's not doing anything wrong. If you think she's crossing the line with any of them, walk. Or even if you just don't want a girl with guy friends, walk. But don't ask her to give up her friends for you. Edit: If these happen to be exes of hers, it's another story entirely.
unacceptable62 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I think that it is disrespectful to you if she hangs out with guy friends all the time. All girls know that all guys are going to feel jealous anytime their woman hangs out with other men, it's just natural. Knowing that and continuing to do it without moderation is very disrespectful.
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