artchick88 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My ex and I have been on and off for a few years now. Ive come to realize that the problems in the past were due mainly to jealousy and insecurities on both our ends, so I broke up with him about 7 months ago and took time to work on these issues and become more secure with myself, as to be a better partner. As of recent, we have begun casually dating again. He told me that his friend "Lisa" had become his best friend since we broke up. He also said that he thought she really liked him. I believe him when he says that they did not sleep together, aside from that I'm not sure what happened while we were apart. He also said that she broke up with her boyfriend (and hes not sure if it was for him) and that she implied that she was interested a few times. He told me that he wasn't interested in her though, that she had too many issues and he just wasn't that into her and couldn't get over me. I was under the impression that she had moved away but this week he told me he was going over to her place with some friends some drinks. When i inquired he told me she had apparently decided to stay. My issue is I don't want to scare him off with jealousy and I don't want to tell him who he can and cannot see, but I also know that if he were to continue spending time and going to the bars with her, etc, I would not tolerate it! I just don't feel that he should be spending time with a woman who clearly has feelings for him, especially when he has me. How long should I wait to see if I should say something? Should I say anything? What is the best plan of action if I want to make him mine again and steal him from this apparent "competition?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author artchick88 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Someone just take a moment and give me any advice on how to win him from this girl.. Jealousy and threats won't work, and I dont even want to try that. PLEASE HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
jealousagain Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My thoughts are that you're never really quite able to "win" someone. That's akin to attempting to control someone, and that's just impossible to do. The guy is going to be attracted to whoever he's attracted to, be it you or someone else. I'm sorry, I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear exactly, but you asked for advice and I'm giving my honest opinions. I would say that you would stand a much better chance with him--or someone else--if you detached yourself from the situation. Then you wouldn't appear needy or as if you're trying too hard. It's easier to say than to do, I know, but if you can try to just let things happen the way that the universe intends (totally new-agey, pseudo-religious, OK, but I think there's some truth to it), maybe it will work out in such a way that will be beneficial to everyone involved. By the way, I happen to think that the situation with the boyfriend and the girl best friend is kind of sketchy since there's at least a bit of one-sided interest. Platonic relationships are those that don't contain any sexual tension, and, if this girl has obvious (and admitted) feelings for your guy then there's a problem if he spends time alone with her. Maybe HE can be trusted, but, hey, he's a guy, and they've been known to be unable to control their impulses when confronted with seduction. (Not to say that women are impervious to such things, because they certainly aren't.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author artchick88 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 thank you for your thoughts! I certainly agree I don't want to control this guy I just want things to play out in my favor! So I will try to just remain cool about the situation and hopefully he will stop spending time with her. Also, i suppose if we are to become "official" again then I might have some right to ask him not to hang out (and especially drink) with her alone. Do you agree with this? Until then I'm going to pretend it doesn't really bother me because you are right this will make me seem needy and probably back-fire. thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I think the guy has big issues - if this is his big chance to get you back, he seems to be stuffing it up &/or not really making an effort. He is blatantly trying to make you jealous, and lets a girl who totally likes him stay over?? If he was totally single then whatever, but this is mucho sketchy!! If she dumped her boyf for him then clearly there was a promise or a reality of something going on between her and your guy, so there is probably physical history there already - which suggests to me there is a) either something going on between them that he wants to keep (e.g. casual) until he knows you and him are an absolute sure thing again, or b) he loves the ego stroking from a girl who is really into him, so lets her hope - and also enjoys the jealousy he'll know you're feeling - makes him feel great (jackass!). I'd be friendly but aloof, let him chase you a bit and say dude cmon, you're obviously enjoying the attention from this girl but its ok, I'm cool...but I'm not into drama of any type...lose the drama and I'd be way more interested! Mind you if you two arent a couple again then in his mind he probbly thinks anything goes right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author artchick88 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 brilliant. thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
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