hermit Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Hello, hello! Hope you're all doing well... Maybe you can give me some advice... I'm in my second year at uni and was unceremoniously dumped by my long term bf last April. And I've just gotten over it, yay!!! So... Every now and again we have departement nights out at uni, and at the first one, in my 1st year, this guy who's a couple of years above me randomly bought me a drink and started chatting. I'm afraid I was kind of offish - not least cos I had a bf! On subsequent departement nights out he always left early... It never bothered me because I didn't think of him "like that" though i did like him. After my bf dumped me, this guy sent me a kind of flirtatious msg on facebook. Later he also complimented me on a skill, also on fb. But my head was in a pickle and I didn't have it in me to respond because i wasn't over ex. Plus him always leaving early meant we never talked in real life. I would just like to add though, that he does NOT in any way seem like the shy type otherwise. I don't see him much, so it was just kind of at the back of my head, but not in a big way. Then, in Dec, i bumped into him at uni, and he complimented me again on something i had done, and was really nice! Realised then that i do really like him cos i was soooo happy for weeks afterwards! But on other occasions, especially when other people are aroud, he can flat out ignore me! Last time this happend i decided to try and get over him. But last week i sent out a mass email because i need help on a project (connected to my hobby, not uni). And out of all people HE responded... We hardly know each other, so a really decent thing to do! I've seen him twice since to discuss this project, and he just seemed really matter of fact about it. Very friendly, but no obvious signs, though i might add that there were other people around. I also have a little problem, I'm soooo awkward around him, I'm completely hopeless when it comes to crushes. Yes, he ignores me sometimes, but i also ignore him - because I'm so nervous and shy! Can't imagine he hasn't noticed my shiftiness! Maybe you guys are better at interpreting this? Did he ever like me? If yes, does he still like me? Do I have a chance? Argh! All help appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 First thing that comes to mind is that perhaps he is in a relationship now? Possible also that he did like you a year (or more?) ago, but kind of "gave up" when his interest was not reciprocated. Sounds like a nice enough fellow, friendly and helpful...so not sure one can read too much into it that he responded to your request for assistance with your non-school project. How do you feel about biting the bullet and asking, "Would you like to go for coffee sometime, or do you already have a girlfriend?" (Or you could try to find that out from a mutual friend. Though I prefer a more direct approach, it will still get you the info that you need to make the next move...which that ball may very well be in your court at this point.) Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hermit Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Thanks for your response Ronni Actually I happen to know that he's single... Maybe I wouldn't read so much into it otherwise. Hmmm... That's the strange thing, he never struck me as th "nice guy"... He has been nice to me on occasions. But helping out came very much out of the blue. The fact that this project is gonna happen on Valentine's night kind of adds to the whole thing. And it will involve him working with a group of people with me being the only one he knows... And he dosn't even know me that well. Ahh.. Wish I had the guts to ask him out... But I hardly have the guts to look at him straight! Also, in my experience the answer has always been "no" and it hurts. I've had a few bfs but my last one was the first guy I really liked who liked me back. I've never been asked on a proper "date" though, it always happened through drunkeness/ sex... How does this kind of thing work with "normal people"?? Link to post Share on other sites
citizen67 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you don't have the guts to ask him out (which I understand BTW) you are going to have to at least flirt. Plan it ahead of time - you know, the usual, look at him, smile, raise your eyebrows look away, maybe a touch on the shoulder. Compliments are good "nice pants" with a flirty smile and raised eyebrows. His response should give you an indication of whether he has romantic interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hermit Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Hi citizen! Thanks for your reply Maybe I need some flirting advice then... I am very flirtatious - with men I'm not interested in at all, even without wanting to! If I like someone though, I get a lump in my throat, can't breathe, can't look him straight in the eye, jumble my words etc... The "touching" thing is a bit weird... How do you do that if it's something that is completely out of character of your body language? Maybe I should add that I'm very short (5'2") and normally go for short guys, but this guy is pretty tall. Think I would have to stand on tiptoe to touch his shoulder I'm also quite tom-boyish, to give you an example I was talking to him the other day and I felt so nervous I kept shifting from one foot to the other, kind of nervously kicking my bag and things like that... I did try to smile and managed to avoid jumbling most of my words, but took so much concentration! Just couldn't control it, but felt I came across like an awkward schoolboy not a flirtatious 24-year-old woman! Link to post Share on other sites
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