stillafool Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Why take the risk of getting married when the divorce rate is high in the US? There's too much at stake. The reason I didn't answer your question is because it is pretty obvious and you know this. I think you are looking for people to talk you in to wanting to get married. I don't do that. If you feel the stakes are too high for you then don't. Who cares? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 The reason I didn't answer your question is because it is pretty obvious and you know this. I think you are looking for people to talk you in to wanting to get married. I don't do that. If you feel the stakes are too high for you then don't. Who cares? Well then you have no business posting on my thread if you won't address the subject. I consider your post off topic and not worthy of consideration. And so what if I want someone to talk me into getting married? You never know. It might actually work. That's what this site is for. Is to talk people into doing things that they cannot talk themselves into doing. It's no different than trying to talk a friend into going back to school and getting a degree. It's no different than trying to talk a friend into losing weight and eating healthy. What I don't need is to get advice that suggests that I somehow am less worthy of a relationship than someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I'm not a 'marriage person' but I have moments where I think it is a lovely and wonderful thing to do. Everything comes with risks and nothing is guaranteed. Things begin, things end. People usually enter into marriage with the belief and the committment that they will make it work. I doubt they would get married if they didn't think they could make it last. Also my parents have been married since they were 21 and I honestly believe they have never cheated. They by no means have the perfect marriage but my mum is my dads 'angel' and they have stayed together for so long, got a wonderful house and raised me and my brother very well in my humble opinion If anything they ALONE make me believe in marriage but I know few other couples I have that faith in. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Well then you have no business posting on my thread if you won't address the subject. I consider your post off topic and not worthy of consideration. And so what if I want someone to talk me into getting married? You never know. It might actually work. That's what this site is for. Is to talk people into doing things that they cannot talk themselves into doing. It's no different than trying to talk a friend into going back to school and getting a degree. It's no different than trying to talk a friend into losing weight and eating healthy. What I don't need is to get advice that suggests that I somehow am less worthy of a relationship than someone else. Who said you were less worthy than anyone else to have a relationship? Your posts detect negativity towards marriage as if marriage is a bad thing and why would anyone want to engage in it. So I replied to you telling you that if the idea of marriage doesn't make since to you because of the stakes involved, the effect on the economy and all the other reasons you give, don't do it! There's nothing wrong with staying single. If it is marriage you desire, say so and stop playing games. BTW, I will respond wherever I please. You can choose to ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 When it works and you find somebody that is good marriage material it can be a great thing but there are so few people that you can have a workable marriage with. The problem is that too many people don't build up a relationship to the point where marriage is just the cherry on top of something already great. That is how it should be approached. It is what the two people in a couple make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 Shouldn't the quality of the relationship be more important than whether or not it leads to marriage? If you already have a good relationship built in place then why risk it all by getting married? Better yet why the need to get married if the two people are already happy together and getting along well? It would seem that a good quality relationship is more important than taking it to marriage? What say you? I never understand some of these women who complain on this board that it's been 8 years and their boyfriend is not ready to get married. They think of dumping him because he's not ready. Well my question is why would you dump him if the relationship was otherwise good? Are you really prepared to risk it all by letting him go and possibly end up marrying someone else who won't be nearly as good to you as your boyfriend is? What's more important? how the guy treats you or whether or not he's ready to get married? There's plenty of abusive men who would jump on the chance to marry a woman only because he wants to control her. If you just want to get married for the sake of getting married then marry an abusive man. And if there are other issues in the relationship that need to be addressed then why would you even think about marrying him in the first place? Until these other issues in the relationship are addressed then his not being ready to get married is a moot issue because getting married will not solve the other problems in the relationship. The fact that you would complain about his not being ready to get married gives me the impression that at the very least you see him as a good enough candidate for marriage to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Now Chris20 you above post makes perfect sense to me. I have asked the same question of women who want to leave a good guy just because he doesn't want to get married. I don't understand it either! Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Shouldn't the quality of the relationship be more important than whether or not it leads to marriage? If you already have a good relationship built in place then why risk it all by getting married? It would seem that a good quality relationship is more important than taking it to marriage? What say you? Good points Chris. I've found some people view the wedding as the 'end goal'. That no matter how wretched a relationship, taking vows and exchanging rings will magically create a happy, loving relationship. Many of the women I know in real life put more time into planning their weddings then they have into creating a mutually satisfying relationship with their SO. Then again, men aren't blameless little victims in all this either. All but one of the men I've known in my life would rather bury his head in the sand and ignore discussions on making the relationship better. Discussions on how to create that solid relationship that could lead to a healthy marriage were shot down, swiftly changed, or flat out ignored. The brunt of the responsibility for creating the trust that marriage will succeed falls onto the woman without any significant input from the man. She's left in the dark on what he needs from her so that he will feel comfortable with the idea of marriage. Rather then discussing his fears about marriage, the traps, the hidden dangers, men say what women want to hear... that they want to get married, and they'll propose at a date she's not expecting. Yet the man's fear prevents him from proposing. He won't talk about it. Nothing happens, the woman gets frustrated at being left in the dark, she issues an ultimatium (marry me or I'm leaving), he refuses and she leaves. All of this could have been avoided if BOTH parties had actually TALKED about what they were feeling and thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Shouldn't the quality of the relationship be more important than whether or not it leads to marriage? If you already have a good relationship built in place then why risk it all by getting married? Better yet why the need to get married if the two people are already happy together and getting along well? It would seem that a good quality relationship is more important than taking it to marriage? What say you? I never understand some of these women who complain on this board that it's been 8 years and their boyfriend is not ready to get married. They think of dumping him because he's not ready. Well my question is why would you dump him if the relationship was otherwise good? Are you really prepared to risk it all by letting him go and possibly end up marrying someone else who won't be nearly as good to you as your boyfriend is? What's more important? how the guy treats you or whether or not he's ready to get married? There's plenty of abusive men who would jump on the chance to marry a woman only because he wants to control her. If you just want to get married for the sake of getting married then marry an abusive man. And if there are other issues in the relationship that need to be addressed then why would you even think about marrying him in the first place? Until these other issues in the relationship are addressed then his not being ready to get married is a moot issue because getting married will not solve the other problems in the relationship. The fact that you would complain about his not being ready to get married gives me the impression that at the very least you see him as a good enough candidate for marriage to begin with. I fully agree with this. I think it's about fear and control and some people see marriage as a way to alleviate that fear. If they are married, then that person is there's - they supposedly 'can't get away'. I actually think relationships work better without the constraint of marriage, when they are free and based on the day by day CHOICE to stay together, not a contract they are tied into. Also though I suppose to some people marriage is very important to them, but getting married is no guarantee a relationship will last. Link to post Share on other sites
Elubat Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 How is love related to something akin to the stock exchange and markets? Silly... pull the... out. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I got married because I love my H and love being his W. It just enhanced what was already a good, healthy R. And it was one helluva party. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 That's a bad analogy. You are comparing apples with oranges. Getting up in the morning and leaving my house is a necessary risk for survival. Eventually I would need to go the grocery store to buy food. You might argue that I could get someone else to do my groceries but there is no guarantee that somebody will always be here to do it for me and even if they were always here they would get tired of it. My survival does not depend on our willingness to risk getting married. That's the difference between taking the risk of getting married and taking the risk of leaving your house every morning. I take the risks in life that my very existence on this planet depends on. I take the risk of driving because it's the only way for me to get to work. If I lived in a big city where all my needs were in walking distance then I would see driving as an unnecessary risk. Now if you can show me evidence that my survival depends on my willingness to take risks with marriage then I may reconsider your analogy. Since you know you are dying anyway, why eat? Just speed up the process. Link to post Share on other sites
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