Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I know you will all criticse me but I have written a final goodbye letter and am going to e mail it to me ex tonight. It is basically saying goodbye and it is a nice letter stating my position and that I did love her very much and did not want to end but have accepted it is over and giving her , her freedom and saying I am moving on and wish her the best. It is something I feel I need to do to get closure and move on. I do not expect or even want a reply. I am doing it to put this relationship to rest and feel I need to send this final e mail. Comments please. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly01 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you really think it will help you heal and have closure, then send it. But please be sure in your heart that you're doing it for YOU and not to get a reaction/response out of your ex. I understand NC and that it is important, especially right after the break up, but i personally up to now haven't been able to find the strength to do it. Although I've been thinking about meeting my ex for coffee to say goodbye. For me, I need to look into his eyes and see nothing there for me to be able to move on. Yes, it will hurt, yes it will set me back -- but then and only then will I know there is no chance for us ever again. I have never been one to judge people. Everyone's situation is different and each of us needs to do what's right for them -- so if you need to send your goodbye email to truly move on, then you need to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you really think it will help you heal and have closure, then send it. But please be sure in your heart that you're doing it for YOU and not to get a reaction/response out of your ex. I understand NC and that it is important, especially right after the break up, but i personally up to now haven't been able to find the strength to do it. Although I've been thinking about meeting my ex for coffee to say goodbye. For me, I need to look into his eyes and see nothing here for me to be able to move on. I have never been one to judge people. Everyone needs to do what's right for them -- so if you need to send your goodbye email to truly move on, then you need to do it. Its been a month and therefore I have accepted its over. Its the final closure I think I need to do to move on. I have not sent it but the letter says all that needs to be said. I could hand write it for more inpact as it would but that is pointless as it would be to try and get a response. I felt better today a little and feel I need to do this to put final closure for me. She may well be with someone else but the letter gives me back some pride for myself and is not grovelling or pleading. It does say I loved you and that I did not want it to end but it did not say lets give it another go, it says I accept its over and good luck. I feel it gives me back some self respect for myself. I have not sent it and will, wait for the general opinion here but I think I will send it tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well..If this is how you need to obtain closure then go for it. But, are you fully prepared for your x's reaction? What if she does not reply back? Can you handle that? If I were you..I'd really think this over before hitting the send button. I will tell you, I did that one time and did not get a reply back... and then I sat and cried my eyes out for days. For me it turned out to be a step back instead of forward. So really think this through. Good luck to you. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well..If this is how you need to obtain closure then go for it. But, are you fully prepared for your x's reaction? What if she does not reply back? Can you handle that? If I were you..I'd really think this over before hitting the send button. I will tell you, I did that one time and did not get a reply back... and then I sat and cried my eyes out for days. For me it turned out to be a step back instead of forward. So really think this through. Good luck to you. Mea:) Mea Does it matter now. Its been so long I have accepted its over. I am doing it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dlyrica Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I would be really careful if I were you. If you honestly think it will bring you closure and REALLY truly do not want/expect a reaction from her then I guess send it. One time an ex boyfriend of mine sent me a letter and it honestly pissed me off more than anything. It wasn't mean, it was actually very sweet but the thing was, I didn't want to hear those kinds of things from him anymore. Good luck..I'd sleep on it if I were you but I guess that's your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I would be really careful if I were you. If you honestly think it will bring you closure and REALLY truly do not want/expect a reaction from her then I guess send it. One time an ex boyfriend of mine sent me a letter and it honestly pissed me off more than anything. It wasn't mean, it was actually very sweet but the thing was, I didn't want to hear those kinds of things from him anymore. Good luck..I'd sleep on it if I were you but I guess that's your decision. Why did it piss you off ?. I know we are all meant to be hard with NC as if we don't give a damn but is that the way ?. I have accpeted its over but feel I need to do this as a final response to her e mail 3 weeks ago which I did not reply to. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Mea Does it matter now. Its been so long I have accepted its over. I am doing it for me. If you accepted that it's over then there would not be a need to send the email. Let me ask you this. What sort of out come are you expecting here are far as this helping you? Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you accepted that it's over then there would not be a need to send the email. Let me ask you this. What sort of out come are you expecting here are far as this helping you? Mea:) I am not expecting or wanting a reply. I am doing this for me to put final closure on things and respond finally to a few points she made in her last e mail. I am not expecting a reunion from this or want it. It is just somehting I feel I need to do for ME. Link to post Share on other sites
Dlyrica Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Why did it piss you off ?. I know we are all meant to be hard with NC as if we don't give a damn but is that the way ?. I have accpeted its over but feel I need to do this as a final response to her e mail 3 weeks ago which I did not reply to. Well I forgot to add that the letter was addressed to my sister (he was trying to say he was writing her a letter but it was all about how much he loved me etc.) I was mad because it was dumb. I mean we broke up for a reason and it seemed stupid to try to get my sister on his good side so that she might talk me into getting back with him or something? Why don't you just keep the letter? I have been broken up with my bf for 2 months now and I thought I was over him. I made the stupid mistake of telling him I missed him last weekend and have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. He tells me he f****** hates me last weekend then texts me yesterday and asks what I'm doing for my birthday (tomorrow). Opening that door is never a good choice...as tempting as it always is to 'just say one last thing.' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well I forgot to add that the letter was addressed to my sister (he was trying to say he was writing her a letter but it was all about how much he loved me etc.) I was mad because it was dumb. I mean we broke up for a reason and it seemed stupid to try to get my sister on his good side so that she might talk me into getting back with him or something? Why don't you just keep the letter? I have been broken up with my bf for 2 months now and I thought I was over him. I made the stupid mistake of telling him I missed him last weekend and have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. He tells me he f****** hates me last weekend then texts me yesterday and asks what I'm doing for my birthday (tomorrow). Opening that door is never a good choice...as tempting as it always is to 'just say one last thing.' I have not sent the e mail and will sleep on it. By the way looking at your photo your boyfriend must have been mad to finish with you !. Not hitting on you just appreciating a Woman's beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
Dlyrica Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I have not sent the e mail and will sleep on it. By the way looking at your photo your boyfriend must have been mad to finish with you !. Not hitting on you just appreciating a Woman's beauty. haha Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I have not sent the e mail and will sleep on it. I think this is a good idea! It will give you a good chance to think this through. Best of luck. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
irishsimon Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I sent an email to the girl I recently broke up with last night. I have contacted her a couple of times since the split. It was very amicable. She may have been doing NC and I broke that for hery and i dont want to be upsetting her if she is really trying to move on. I wrote a few mails to her and never sent them..then I deleted them only to write one of the top off my head yesterday and I sent it. It came out ok but there were things I wish I hadn't written, so do sleep on it. I had stuff I wanted to tell her that I never got the chance to It was going round in my head so it was cathartic for me but probably quite a selfish act. It probably blew any chance of reconciliation in the future. You would really need to know the situation and I had taken some advice on here and from friends that it was best for me to do this..Some folk even said I needed to tell her how I felt as she might be waiting to hear it. Who knows. You take your chances if you can handle the response or lack of. But in all honesty..it probably pissed her off. I'm sure she has moved on and didn't want to hear anything from me. I actually dont want a reply but I do worry how I have represented myself..so take time and make sure you say what you really need to. I sit here now having read the mail again and while I dont regret it it has given me 24hrs of mental turmoil. Just think carefully about sending it. if you are looking for a reply then as everyone else says..dont do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 I know you will all criticse me but I have written a final goodbye letter and am going to e mail it to me ex tonight. It is basically saying goodbye and it is a nice letter stating my position and that I did love her very much and did not want to end but have accepted it is over and giving her , her freedom and saying I am moving on and wish her the best. It is something I feel I need to do to get closure and move on. I do not expect or even want a reply. I am doing it to put this relationship to rest and feel I need to send this final e mail. Comments please. I did not break NC last night but I have written a final letter and I am going to send it. Then I will lay it to rest and give up and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dlyrica Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 What if she answers your letter though? Are you not going to respond to it? Thats the problem with not saying anything..Its hard to say "this is the last thing I will say to them" your mind will make exceptions to respond again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 What if she answers your letter though? Are you not going to respond to it? Thats the problem with not saying anything..Its hard to say "this is the last thing I will say to them" your mind will make exceptions to respond again and again. I will not respond to it as she has left me in her heart already. I know that. I just need to do this to put an end to my feelings. Only then can I try and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 I did not break NC last night but I have written a final letter and I am going to send it. Then I will lay it to rest and give up and move on. I ma hard of the NC hard ball game. I don't care of it falls on deaf ears I have accepted it is over but I am sure as hell going to finish things and reiterate my true feelings for her. I don't care if this does not comply with the LS set of rules where you are meant to be cold and hard and go NC to save face and act as if you don't give a damn. I do/did give a damn and I am as sure as anything going to tell her a final time. The letter says I accept her decision and accept its over and wishes her well. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 seriously if you really needed to send the letter for it to be over you should have sent it 26 days ago. This starts your nc and healing process back to zero. part of an NC is activley not thinking about your ex. Seriously to use the letter is for ME as an excuse to send it is pointless. Tell me have you even been on any dates since you left your ex? Don't send the letter you wrote it and that should be enough. your just prolonging all of this, then you'll be waiting for a response and hopefully you'll get none, but you might get something and then you'll want to send something. seriously if its been 26 days and your still trying to get back togather or something I'd hope ud atleast be dating other people and sending new never dated before girls letters. Really bad idea and your kidding yourself if you think that your doing it for ME is an excuse you obviously have had zero days of NC because you just think about her every day Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 seriously if you really needed to send the letter for it to be over you should have sent it 26 days ago. This starts your nc and healing process back to zero. part of an NC is activley not thinking about your ex. Seriously to use the letter is for ME as an excuse to send it is pointless. Tell me have you even been on any dates since you left your ex? Don't send the letter you wrote it and that should be enough. your just prolonging all of this, then you'll be waiting for a response and hopefully you'll get none, but you might get something and then you'll want to send something. seriously if its been 26 days and your still trying to get back togather or something I'd hope ud atleast be dating other people and sending new never dated before girls letters. Really bad idea and your kidding yourself if you think that your doing it for ME is an excuse you obviously have had zero days of NC because you just think about her every day I hear what your saying bu this NC stuff is a load of BS for people trying to act as if they don't give a damn and saving face. Well I don't care I will send it and then put it all to an end. I do not expect or want a reply but I ned to do it. The trouble with LS is that it is a load of disillusoined people who are angry and bitter about being dumped. We only see the angry people on LS the ones who have lost in love. It is not a balanced forum. Not balanced at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 seriously if you really needed to send the letter for it to be over you should have sent it 26 days ago. This starts your nc and healing process back to zero. part of an NC is activley not thinking about your ex. Seriously to use the letter is for ME as an excuse to send it is pointless. Tell me have you even been on any dates since you left your ex? Don't send the letter you wrote it and that should be enough. your just prolonging all of this, then you'll be waiting for a response and hopefully you'll get none, but you might get something and then you'll want to send something. seriously if its been 26 days and your still trying to get back togather or something I'd hope ud atleast be dating other people and sending new never dated before girls letters. Really bad idea and your kidding yourself if you think that your doing it for ME is an excuse you obviously have had zero days of NC because you just think about her every day Yeah I do think about her every minute , every hour , every day of every week so this NC is a load of BS and is not working. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I hear what your saying bu this NC stuff is a load of BS for people trying to act as if they don't give a damn and saving face. Well I don't care I will send it and then put it all to an end. I do not expect or want a reply but I ned to do it. The trouble with LS is that it is a load of disillusoined people who are angry and bitter about being dumped. We only see the angry people on LS the ones who have lost in love. It is not a balanced forum. Not balanced at all. Well I'm posibly angry and if I were disillusioned I supose I wouldn't know it but what I can tell you is I've been dumped before and got over it. And I currently have a wonderful girlfriend who I love. And when it came to the girl who dumped me I deleted her number from my phone and got rid of her email and deleted all her txts and slowly forgot her adress and now I wouldn't be able to find her even if I wanted to... Well I still have mutual friends on facebook but that would be alot of work. The point of it is NC is not BS its real and it works, if you just activly stop thinking about the person and have no contact that means no sending anything and finding a way to block or not read anything sent to you, then yes you will get over it and like I have you will get a new better gf and won't even care about the old one it will be kind of funny like an alternate version of you. For your sake stop thinking about her, don't write any more letters, don't read anything she sends you and start dating again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Well I'm posibly angry and if I were disillusioned I supose I wouldn't know it but what I can tell you is I've been dumped before and got over it. And I currently have a wonderful girlfriend who I love. And when it came to the girl who dumped me I deleted her number from my phone and got rid of her email and deleted all her txts and slowly forgot her adress and now I wouldn't be able to find her even if I wanted to... Well I still have mutual friends on facebook but that would be alot of work. The point of it is NC is not BS its real and it works, if you just activly stop thinking about the person and have no contact that means no sending anything and finding a way to block or not read anything sent to you, then yes you will get over it and like I have you will get a new better gf and won't even care about the old one it will be kind of funny like an alternate version of you. For your sake stop thinking about her, don't write any more letters, don't read anything she sends you and start dating again Everyone says it will get better, you will find someone else blah blah blah, you have found someone better good for you but it aint going to happen to me. NC achieves NOTHING so what is the point of it all. I am going to send the letter, what the hell difference will it make, it breaks the sacred NC , whoopee do, if its over what the hell difference does it make anyway. Lets all pretend we are hard and don't give a damn. If you think I am ready for dating someone else after 4 weeks you must be haiving a laugh. Its an effort to have a shave in the mornings. I am glad you could move on and not give a toss after 4 weeks but I have taken it rather harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Well I'm posibly angry and if I were disillusioned I supose I wouldn't know it but what I can tell you is I've been dumped before and got over it. And I currently have a wonderful girlfriend who I love. And when it came to the girl who dumped me I deleted her number from my phone and got rid of her email and deleted all her txts and slowly forgot her adress and now I wouldn't be able to find her even if I wanted to... Well I still have mutual friends on facebook but that would be alot of work. The point of it is NC is not BS its real and it works, if you just activly stop thinking about the person and have no contact that means no sending anything and finding a way to block or not read anything sent to you, then yes you will get over it and like I have you will get a new better gf and won't even care about the old one it will be kind of funny like an alternate version of you. For your sake stop thinking about her, don't write any more letters, don't read anything she sends you and start dating again You have found a wonderful new girlfriend. Good for you but is this taking the piss or what ?. Are you deliberately trying topiss me off with your wonderful life ?. Talk about trying to rub someones face in it. Do you think you are better than me or better than anymone else as you can move on and date a new babe. Well done for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 You have found a wonderful new girlfriend. Good for you but is this taking the piss or what ?. Are you deliberately trying topiss me off with your wonderful life ?. Talk about trying to rub someones face in it. Do you think you are better than me or better than anymone else as you can move on and date a new babe. Well done for you. Whether I think I'm better then you or not the advice stands for itself. And seriously I went over a year untill I found a new gf I just wasn't tortured the entire year because I did NC and I got over it. Seriously do what you want but you obviously wanted input and you would have realised not every one would agree with you letter. If you send the letter your kidding yourself if you think you won't be looking for a reply atleast for a little while. Dude why don't you just show up at her door and say or read the letter for her because that would be more final then what your planning to do because your just dragging it out Link to post Share on other sites
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