Falling for the unattainable Girl

[Aonz]

I think I might be falling for a girl at work. I’ve been working with her for almost two months now and she’s a wonderful person. She gets asked out all the time (twice today in fact) but she just turns them down .

 

We work quite closely together and we talk a lot about different things; she once told me that the next man she goes out has to be "the One" (she didn't say it like that but thats what she meant). About a year ago she broke up with a longterm boyfriend coz he was cheating on her and I don't think she's been out with anyone since.

 

The problem I have is that she’s way out of my league, she’s beautiful and I’m ugly. It would be like a beauty and the beast . Why do we always want that that we can not have? I guess its human nature to always desire the unattainable.

 

I’ve tried not to make my feeling for her obvious; as I don’t want too make her feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if she knows but if she does know she doesn't seem to be bothered by it.

 

I don’t think I'm in love with her (only possible if the other person loves you?) but I think I may be infatuated. Now I don’t know what to do, if I continue to work there I know these feeling I'm having could turn into obsession and I don’t want that to happen.

[NEONINK]

Hey, if you wash your body, comb your hair, dress decently, wear deodorant, behave like a gentleman, eat right, and try to take care of yourself, you all are handsome!

 

Don't assume! Get to know her better, you can always get coffee or lunch. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Nobody ever knows these things.

 

My only reservation is dating people you work with... ew... hard if it doesn't work out.

 

But, hey, you can always find another job for the right woman. right?

[2SidestoStories]

...change your life, the saying goes.

 

It's of course a lovely broad quotation, but it certainly makes a whole lot of sense! I'm not sure what has made you believe you're ugly. I believed *I* was ugly for a really long time (had an ex who would tell me how unattractive I was and then flip around and immediately tell me how beautiful I *could* be, "If only..." yadda yadda...) Anyway...I would be willing to bet you have plenty of very attractive features, and as we are all our own harshest critics...

 

If your attitude is that you're ugly, most likely people will pick up on that. If your attitude is that you're worth anyone's time of day, people will pick up on that just as well. If you think you're hot sh*t but don't have anything to back that up, you're a fool!

 

Don't let yourself get too fixated on what you feel is your ugliness. Instead, focus on what you may have to offer this lady; friendship, comfort, etc. are often extremely important to people looking for a meaningful relationship.

 

Be confident! For a while, if you have to, PRETEND to be confident. Tell yourself this repeatedly until you believe it, just as you have told yourself repeatedly that you're ugly. It will take some time and work, but you're undoubtedly worth the time and work!

 

I wish you luck, and hope that you don't take my advice as a lecture

[Aonz]

Good news or bad news depends how you look at it. The girl of my dreams is leaving (its got nothing to do with me) and when she's gone I’ll probably never see her again.

 

I don't think I’ll ever meet anyone like her again . But then dreams never come true thats why we call them dreams.

 

Sometimes i wish i'd never met her .

 

Life is hard

[Lonely]

Aonz, one thing you might want to consider, is to tell this girl that you enjoy talking to her, and don't want to loose touch. Ask for her contact info, even if just an email.

 

That way you can stay in contact with her, and something good might develop, and its not a huge thing like asking her on a date.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Lonely

Aonz, one thing you might want to consider, is to tell this girl that you enjoy talking to her, and don't want to loose touch. Ask for her contact info, even if just an email.

 

That way you can stay in contact with her, and something good might develop, and its not a huge thing like asking her on a date.

 

She's doesn’t have access to the net

 

My chest hurts and I can't concentrate, this isn’t love is it?

[Lonely]

Well, you could ask her for her phone or address. To keep in contact, if you don't think your ready to ask her on a 'date' that might be a good way to start. Friendly and all.

 

Can't tell you if its love, you'll know if it is.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Lonely

Well, you could ask her for her phone or address. To keep in contact, if you don't think your ready to ask her on a 'date' that might be a good way to start. Friendly and all.

 

Considering shes moving to another country that might be a problem.

 

Can't tell you if its love, you'll know if it is.

 

I'm not really sure i've never been in love but your right i think i'd know if i was; so i guess i'm not.

 

I like her a lot but she's way out of my league she could never be attracted to someone like me. I know i'm not good enough for her. I shouldn't be sad I'm luckier than most, but not as lucky as some.

 

Interesting question - if i was good looking would i still be me? or would i be someone completely different?

[Lonely]

Another country? Okay I think I see a small problem here

 

Well ask her for her new mailing address, or give her yours, tell her you'd like to be penpals, she could move back to where you are someday, you never know.

 

Also you need to dump every notion you have of leaugues, its tolal bull.

 

What your feeling might be elust or infactuation, but I doubt you'd have a doubt if it was love.

[Aonz]

If my life wasn't so sad it'd be funny

 

There's been a change of plans and it turns out she isn't leaving after all.

 

I can't stop thinking about her and I can’t seem to shake these feeling - nunc scio quit sit amor

 

I've told a friend about this and he's telling me to just tell her how I feel. I want to tell her but I’m not sure how she'll react.

 

I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable having to work with me.

 

Would it make you uncomfortable?

 

Need advice

 

I would like to thank Neonink, 2SidestoStories and of course Lonely for replying to my post and the rest of you for reading it.

[moimeme]

"I like her a lot but she's way out of my league she could never be attracted to someone like me. I know i'm not good enough for her."

 

Isn't it unfair making that judgement for her? Oughnt' she be allowed to make that decision for herself, if indeed she will?

 

"Interesting question - if i was good looking would i still be me? or would i be someone completely different?"

 

It is personality, not looks, that matters. If you are loving, kind, considerate, generous, and honest, you will be prized. If you are selfish, angry, hostile, controlling, and jealous, you will not. Cultivate your personality.

 

Would it make you uncomfortable?

 

Your best bet is not to tell her your feelings but rather to ask her out. Befriend her. Go out with her. Get to know her. There'll be time later to speak about feelings.

[NEONINK]

Yeah... don't put the cart before the horse with those feelings.

 

Once you get to know her, you might not even feel the same way.

 

Just get to know her, from one human being to another. Isn't it cool that in the history of the world, we are all here at this same time. Enjoy getting to know her and everyone else that crosses your path.

 

I'm beginning to think for those of us that are having a difficult time with love or finding love, perhaps we should look at everyone as a potential teacher of life. Instead of waking up each morning hoping I'll find love, I'll wake up and wonder what I will learn today and who will teach me.

 

And Aonz... beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I will never stop believing that there is someone for everyone. And everyone deserves love that wants love and is willing to give love.

[moimeme]

I try not to post tiresome 'I agree' posts, but you said a lot of good stuff there, Neo. I'm misting up here.

 

I particularly liked:

 

Isn't it cool that in the history of the world, we are all here at this same time.

 

(sniff)

[Aonz]

Originally posted by NEONINK

Yeah... don't put the cart before the horse with those feelings.

 

Once you get to know her, you might not even feel the same way.

 

You might be right but i'd like to find out.

 

There is one think know that could be a problem - she religious and I’m not religious at all. Although I would do anything for her I don't think I can believe just to be with her.

 

 

Isn't it cool that in the history of the world, we are all here at this same time. Enjoy getting to know her and everyone else that crosses your path.

 

It is cool if circumstances had only been slightly different I would never have even meet her at all, not ever.

 

For no apparent reason I'm really happy today and I don't even know why , maybe its something I ate?? .

[Aonz]

Originally posted by moimeme

"I like her a lot but she's way out of my league she could never be attracted to someone like me. I know i'm not good enough for her."

 

Isn't it unfair making that judgement for her? Oughnt' she be allowed to make that decision for herself, if indeed she will?

 

"Interesting question - if i was good looking would i still be me? or would i be someone completely different?"

 

It is personality, not looks, that matters. If you are loving, kind, considerate, generous, and honest, you will be prized. If you are selfish, angry, hostile, controlling, and jealous, you will not. Cultivate your personality.

 

Would it make you uncomfortable?

 

Your best bet is not to tell her your feelings but rather to ask her out. Befriend her. Go out with her. Get to know her. There'll be time later to speak about feelings.

 

A friend told me exactly the same thing. After reading your post and thinking long and hard about what my friend said I’m thinking about asking her out. If I’m truthful I don't think there's a chance in hell that she'll say 'Yes' but as you say its unfair of me to make that judgement for her.

[moimeme]

Start slow - ask her for coffee rather than an evening date. If the coffee date goes well, take your cue. And good luck to you!

[Aonz]

Why is it so easy too fall in love with someone but soo hard to find someone that loves you?

 

I guess it’s my own fault I ain't good enough, I need too be a better man if I’m goin to get anywhere in this life.

 

 

My life reminds me of a quote I once read:-

 

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." -- David Grayson

[Elmo]

I hope this gives you a different point of view.

 

While I was at my last job I worked with a guy who was the 2nd in charge of finance. He was under 30 and everyone liked him, as he was smart, funny and sincere.

 

I was 37. I could tell he liked me.

 

Although he was cute, I could tell he thought that he was not "in my league".

 

Honestly, I'm not sure I would have gone out with him (he knew I was dating someone). But he always had time for me...we had a great, friendly working relationship. And, other than the age thing....I think if he had just kept on being his wonderful self....I might have thought about it.

 

I ended up with the other guy. He is wonderful and all is well. But, hey....I still think about that younger guy. He definately had a lot going for him.

 

I SAY JUST KEEP BEING YOU....ASK HER TO LUNCH OR COFFEE....ASK HER TO HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING A TAD PERSONAL...LIKE PICKING OUT FURNITURE. DON'T PUSH IT. BUT...I HAVE A FEELING SHE MAY LIKE YOU A BIT MORE THAN YOU THINK.

 

Just my 2 cents!

[JasonQ]

Originally posted by Aonz

Why is it so easy too fall in love with someone but soo hard to find someone that loves you?

 

 

 

I know what you mean man. I have noticed that a girl must like you, before you are even alowed to like her.

 

I know that i can give the advice, like talk to her and all of that BS, but at the same time, i have the same problem as the person that I am giving advice to... I cant seem to talk to girls...

 

When its all said and done, hindsight is a biatch

[Aonz]

I don't know if I should even post this but it seems to help if I tell someone.

 

Well she's leaving and it’s definite this time

 

I should be happy for her; she’s finally doing what she always wanted and she's so happy, and I am happy in a way -- I want her to be happy. But purely for my own selfish reasons I really wish she wasn’t going.

 

I don't even know if I’ll ever see her again, it feels like I’ve only just got to know her and then like that she’s gone.

 

I’m goin to miss her soo much and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget her or if I’ll ever feel like this way for anyone else or if I even want to.

 

Damit why can't I stop thinking about her? It’s like God has played a cruel joke on me

 

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." -- Samuel Butler

 

It sure doesn't feel like it.

[Aonz]

Hi, I have about a week before she leaves

 

Do you think I should tell her how I feel? I don't want her to go without knowing.

 

I was thinking of giving her one of those 'Goodbye' cards just before she leaves and writing how I feel in that. I want her to know that she was special to me and that I will never forget her.

[amerikajin]

Here's the low-down, brother: women dig chicks with confidence.

 

Now I'm not saying I'm Lorenzo Lamas, but I'm okay looking (or at least that's what some hotties have told me in my day). But I'll also tell you that I've had to eat some humble pie, too. I've been flat out smoked by guys who were much less attractive physically than I am. The reason? They had that special aura about them. These were the kinds of guys who walked into a room, and you just knew they were there. Charisma is sex appeal.

 

Confidence is not to be confused with cockiness, which is something most women don't like at all. But the strong silent type is what most babes love and fawn over. I've finally learned it, and it's starting to pay off a little, though I still sometimes choke like the Red Sox on the verge of a World Series title.

 

Here's the deal. You can't build up these women to be something they're not. She's not a Goddess, and to be honest, I'm a little concerned when a girl tells me "The next guy I date is going to be 'the one'" I think she's being a little too presumptuous and artificial, but that's just me. Bottom line is, you adore her, and that's a feeling that grips all of us men. I never cease to be amazed at the power a beautiful women has, as they can turn even the most macho of macho men into whimpering little puppies.

 

Your approach has to be balanced. I'd take a cue from moimeme. Get the coffee date and see how it plays out. Get her number, but don't call her right away and keep contact to her as you normally would - don't bring up the subject when you see her. Create a little mystery here. Let her guess a little when you're going to make your move. If she asks, tell her you're busy. Remember, this girl is used to being the center of attention, and she's usually in the position of swatting guys down the way Gabrielle Reese spikes a volleyball. Wait about a week before you set up the coffee date. Then take your cue there. At the end of the date, just be direct. Tell her you'd like to take her out sometime - no more, no less. She'll either say she's interested or she's not interested. If she says no, well then just tell her "Okay, figure I'd ask, but I'm cool with it either way. Let's do coffee again sometime, and I won't bring this up again." Of course, you don't really have to mean it. You can never ask her out again if you don't want and that's totally acceptable.

 

Try not to be nervous during your encounter. Do that by just sticking to a gameplan of light conversation. Get to know her interests a little. Avoid the deep stuff. Try and give her a joke or two every now and then, let her see some sides of you she might like. I can't say with a straight face that looks don't matter, but the truth is you just might be good looking enough for her to consider you a candidate. But if not, c'est la vie. Just don't build her up to be a goddess. She ain't.

 

In the meantime, it doesn't hurt to check out other chicks too.

[Aonz]

Thanks Amerikajin

 

I'll try and do what you suggest.

 

I would just like to thank everyone for taking the time to reply and for sharing their wisdom with me it really is appreciated - Thank you. I just hope I’m not a lost cause .

[Aonz]

Well I finally found out why she doesn't want to go out with anyone around here.

 

She told me today she’s already in love with someone, a guy back in her home town where she's moving. Apparently she’s known him for years and they talk on the phone almost every day.

 

I hope the guy knows how lucky he is to have the love of such a remarkable women, the like of which I doubt I will ever encounter again.

 

I didn’t know love could be so painful.

[Aonz]

Well shes left today and I already miss her

 

i've never wanted anything more than i wanted to be with her, but if i'm true to myself i know deep down she could never have loved me.

 

I know what your goin to say "i shouldn't build her up to be something she ain't" or "i shouldn't put myself down" but i say it coz i know its TRUE.

 

i often wonder why God created me, what possble purpose I could serve? if i can't be loved i don't see the point in been alive.

 

I feel so empty and so alone.

 

You don't have to reply I 'm just a sad git, don't waste your time on me.