Lost in love

[GIZMO]

I was with the man that I loved for 7 years. Our wedding date was set for Aug 30 of this year. After we put the money down on the wedding hall, he told me he was not happy and he needed a deeper realationship. I did not understand what he was saying to me at the time. I became very angry with him.

 

He moved out of our house about a month ago. He moved in with his best friends who live next door to us. I could not sleep, eat, or doing anything besides look out the window at our house to make sure he was next door. Well, I could not deal with it anymore so I moved out myself and told him that he could keep our apartment. He is now telling me that he is 33 years old and he has never lived on his own, alone, and he needs time. So that is another reason I moved.

 

I keep trying to tell him how much I love him and I want to work through things with him. He keeps telling me that there is no way that I can love him, and to be honest I do not understand why I love him so much. He always made everything more important then me. His family was first, then sports and the gym was second and third was me.. I built my world around his, I lost all of my friends, and just became friends with his friends.

 

Through the month apart, I still miss him very much, and I need him in ways I have never needed anyone. I am 26 years old with no children and never have been married. It is very important to me to be married with children, at the same time I do not want to just settle either. I to this day, know I do love him. I want him back and he does not want me. He told me he loves me, but he is not in love with me. I work with this man as well. So I see him almost everyday, I have a great job and I can not afford to loose my job over this break up.

 

I feel 100% lost with out him.. And when I see him he is all of smiles. When I ask him how he can handle this so well, he just tells me he keeps himself busy, and I need to learn how to keep my chin up..

 

I have went online and read about break ups, and I have read a few books, and all of the info I seem to get is that this man has a commentment issue, and he will not settle down anytime soon.

 

All's I ever did was work, go to college, clean the house, cook dinners and watched TV, this man never wanted to really do a whole lot with me, and I am having a problem accepting that fact that we are over. I don't understand how it can be over if I love him so much. I am lost with out him...

 

 

Can someone please help me deal with this and understand things in a brighter outlook?

[GIZMO]

Originally posted by GIZMO

I was with the man that I loved for 7 years. Our wedding date was set for Aug 30 of this year. After we put the money down on the wedding hall, he told me he was not happy and he needed a deeper realationship. I did not understand what he was saying to me at the time. I became very angry with him.

 

He moved out of our house about a month ago. He moved in with his best friends who live next door to us. I could not sleep, eat, or doing anything besides look out the window at our house to make sure he was next door. Well, I could not deal with it anymore so I moved out myself and told him that he could keep our apartment. He is now telling me that he is 33 years old and he has never lived on his own, alone, and he needs time. So that is another reason I moved.

 

I keep trying to tell him how much I love him and I want to work through things with him. He keeps telling me that there is no way that I can love him, and to be honest I do not understand why I love him so much. He always made everything more important then me. His family was first, then sports and the gym was second and third was me.. I built my world around his, I lost all of my friends, and just became friends with his friends.

 

Through the month apart, I still miss him very much, and I need him in ways I have never needed anyone. I am 26 years old with no children and never have been married. It is very important to me to be married with children, at the same time I do not want to just settle either. I to this day, know I do love him. I want him back and he does not want me. He told me he loves me, but he is not in love with me. I work with this man as well. So I see him almost everyday, I have a great job and I can not afford to loose my job over this break up.

 

I feel 100% lost with out him.. And when I see him he is all of smiles. When I ask him how he can handle this so well, he just tells me he keeps himself busy, and I need to learn how to keep my chin up..

 

I have went online and read about break ups, and I have read a few books, and all of the info I seem to get is that this man has a commentment issue, and he will not settle down anytime soon.

 

All's I ever did was work, go to college, clean the house, cook dinners and watched TV, this man never wanted to really do a whole lot with me, and I am having a problem accepting that fact that we are over. I don't understand how it can be over if I love him so much. I am lost with out him...

 

He also tells me that nothing is set in stone and he just needs time... Do I move on with my life? Do I wait for the man that I love?

 

 

Can someone please help me deal with this and understand things in a brighter outlook?

[Curt]

Hi Gizmo,

 

When I read your post, one thing becomes abundantly obvious. He is NOT the man you feel he is. It is not only clear to me that he has commitment issues, but he also has issues of being lukewarm to you.

 

He appears to have never cherished you in the same way that you cherished him, and this makes for a bad omen in any relationship.

 

A man should always put the woman he loves before all the things you mention, save except for his love of God. Even so, you should be verrry high up there. Very high indeed.

 

You probably find yourself in much the same predicament as I find myself. I am 32 years old, never married, and I have no children. Sometimes, my heart cries out for someone to share real love with. Nonetheless, I know I cannot settle, just to be with "someone". It would go totally against everything I believe in. Indeed, it would go against my whole personal makeup. I want to be with someone special just as you do right now.

 

In many ways, you were just as alone and lost when you were with him, as I feel being single. He was never truly completely with you.

 

Time is said to heal all wounds. I'm not sure it's as much a healing instrument as it is one to mitigate the pain, allowing a person to move on with his/her life.

 

You will move on too. Let the hurt go, thank God for giving you the experience of being in love, but move on to bless some other lucky man's life.

 

Be with someone that aches for your company and love, just as much as you did for his.

 

I hope your healing comes soon.

 

Curt

[GIZMO]

Originally posted by Curt

Hi Gizmo,

 

When I read your post, one thing becomes abundantly obvious. He is NOT the man you feel he is. It is not only clear to me that he has commitment issues, but he also has issues of being lukewarm to you.

 

He appears to have never cherished you in the same way that you cherished him, and this makes for a bad omen in any relationship.

 

A man should always put the woman he loves before all the things you mention, save except for his love of God. Even so, you should be verrry high up there. Very high indeed.

 

You probably find yourself in much the same predicament as I find myself. I am 32 years old, never married, and I have no children. Sometimes, my heart cries out for someone to share real love with. Nonetheless, I know I cannot settle, just to be with "someone". It would go totally against everything I believe in. Indeed, it would go against my whole personal makeup. I want to be with someone special just as you do right now.

 

In many ways, you were just as alone and lost when you were with him, as I feel being single. He was never truly completely with you.

 

Time is said to heal all wounds. I'm not sure it's as much a healing instrument as it is one to mitigate the pain, allowing a person to move on with his/her life.

 

You will move on too. Let the hurt go, thank God for giving you the experience of being in love, but move on to bless some other lucky man's life.

 

Be with someone that aches for your company and love, just as much as you did for his.

 

I hope your healing comes soon.

 

Curt

[GIZMO]

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[GIZMO]

That you so much Curt for giving me your advise. I to this very second feel like he was and is the one for me. I do not know if it is because I was with him for so long or what... I am so scared to be with out him. I miss having someone come home to me every night.. I miss waking up to him.. In ways I feel like I am dying inside, and I do not know how to make myself a stronger person.. I am not crying as much, which is good. ( I think ) I am trying to keep myself busy, but its like my heart is being pulled so hard.. I sometimes wounder if there is another woman in his life.. I ask him all of the time and he told me there is no one.. I just don't know why he would want to call this off... I cooked, cleaned, sat home waited for him, took care of all of the bills, shopped for cloths for him etc, while he was at the gym, playing football, visiting family and friends.. I was like a personal maid for him with benefit's.. But of course the benefit's only happened when he wanted it..

Why do people fall in love with someone that will never love them back? Again, I am 26 years old and I am not 21 anymore. I am not into playing head games, I just want the real thing..

Will I ever get past this? Will I ever trust a man again?

I use to believe in god, and now I don't know if I do or not.. I don't understand why god would let something like this happen to me.. All's I want is love.. Why did he let it fall apart?? Why did he let me stay with a man that would never love me? Did I do something wrong? I don't know, I guess I am just very angry at life now..

 

Thank you again for your response...

[moimeme]

I use to believe in god, and now I don't know if I do or not.. I don't understand why god would let something like this happen to me.. All's I want is love.. Why did he let it fall apart?? Why did he let me stay with a man that would never love me? Did I do something wrong? I don't know, I guess I am just very angry at life now..

 

It isn't God's job to protect us from our own unwise decisions. Remember 'free will'?

 

I cooked, cleaned, sat home waited for him, took care of all of the bills, shopped for cloths for him etc, while he was at the gym, playing football, visiting family and friends.. I was like a personal maid for him with benefit's.. But of course the benefit's only happened when he wanted it..

 

This dude was a bad deal all 'round. For whatever reason, you allowed him to shirk all responsibility while you mopped up after him. The urge to serve is one that can be hard to shake, but one-sided relationships like this are good for neither partner. You are best off without this person. You are sad now and it is hard to see, but in time you will be glad you are out from a relationship where you were not treated well.

 

There are people on the planet who would say you met this man to learn a life lesson. The life lesson would be, perhaps, that you should never allow a man to do that to you. Next time, if you run into a fellow like that, flee as fast as you can.

[Curt]

I use to believe in god, and now I don't know if I do or not.. I don't understand why god would let something like this happen to me.. All's I want is love.. Why did he let it fall apart?? Why did he let me stay with a man that would never love me? Did I do something wrong? I don't know, I guess I am just very angry at life now..

 

Rest assured that there is a God. If he has taken you to someone, he will have done so for a reason. As moimeme said, perhaps this guy was God's way of bringing you to a place where you could re-evaluate the type of person you want and need in your life. Clearly, this guy you speak of did not treasure you in the same way as you did him. Actually, he appears to have been VERY insensitive to the needs of his partner, you.

 

You will get over him, but that will take some time. Chin up, and good luck to you.

 

Curt

[GIZMO]

Thank you all for your advise, I am sure the sun will shine sometime soon... I hope.. I guess, you just need to pay attention to what you have and how you get treated.. I am a push over I guess, and my ex still knows this.. He still tryes to keep his foot in the door just in case the grass is not greener on the other side... I don't know if I could ever forgive him for putting me though all of this... I guess this will come back and hunt him one day.. One day he will feel what I feel, if it be with me or someone else.. Love is hard to find.. And I believe that if you find love you should hold onto it.. I guess that is why I am having such a problem with this break up..

 

Thank you all again for helping me..