princess7 Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I lied to my boyfriend of two years three times. And i feel terrible about it and would do anything to make it better. I said that there was no guys at my friends apartment when there really was, when a guy tried to kiss me i said there was other people there, but there wasnt and about a picture of a high school dance. I know that i shouldnt have done any of these things, and feel awful. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world and would do anything to fix this...anything. He lives far away so we are in a very long distance relationship while both of us are in college. I have never cheated on him and never would. He says that he cant believe a word that i say even that i love him. He says that he doesnt know if he loves me anymore and doesnt want to be with me. I need to get him to trust me again in two days or he says that we are done forever and we will never talk or see each other again. I love him and i cant let that happen. How do i get him to trust me again? How do i prove to him that he can trust me again? Please help ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Why two days? His reaction and the 'two day' thing suggests to me that he probably had something of his own going on and is making you the bad guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess7 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 more help...please.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Why two days? His reaction and the 'two day' thing suggests to me that he probably had something of his own going on and is making you the bad guy. I totally agree with that. THAT IS EXACTLY what I was thinking. I'm sorry but it sounds like he had already made up his mind and using this as an excuse to break up. Unfortunately and realistically speaking there is nothing you can do to win him back in two days, two weeks or even two years, simply because he is not open to letting you win him back. You need to go against what he expects. Do not fight for him, let him go, come out of left field. If he really is just playing a game he will reflect in a a little time and come back with a game plan and a more open minded approach. If he doesn't then he simply wanted out, in which case you can't do much to change his mind back. Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Tomcat is right. As I stated in your other thread. You have to take a different tact. You have to leave him before he leaves you. you have to create an emotional vacuum. There is nothing you can do to change him. He would have to change himself. And the only way I can see that happening is if he thinks he is loosing something. So you can continue to be needy and clingy and you will definitely lose him. But that is your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I'm more concerned about impulse control. If you honestly love him, why would you lie to him three times? I don't get it. As for the two days, I don't necesssarily think he has anything on the go. He's put you on notice and if you can't convince him in a couple of days, he's going to walk, guilt-free. I don't disagree with him. Relationships are built on trust, respect and love. How can he continue to trust you when you've lied to him three times? What happens the next time when an opportunity with a hot guy comes your way? Will you forge ahead, then feel bad about it afterwards? Link to post Share on other sites
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I don't agree with trial. You don't give someone an ultimatum, offer to do a polygraph test, him say that he doesn't believe in them and then gives you two days to prove that you can be trusted. Come on trial. That's ridiculous. He should just break up with her and not put her the BS about 2 days. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 The adult thing to do is not to lie to your SO, not once but three times. As for his actions, you're right, it's not the adult thing to do but do you blame him for getting some payback? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 The adult thing to do is not to lie to your SO, not once but three times. As for his actions, you're right, it's not the adult thing to do but do you blame him for getting some payback? Now that's hilarious in the same sentence you are claiming what the "adult" thing to do is, you are also excusing the most immature thing a person can do and that is petty revenge. So what is it then should they act as adults or not TBF? Because if you can't blame him for doing that then you also can't blame her for telling some petty lie. Everyone tells little lies, our entire existence is based on lies the question is how will you communicate your disappointments with your partner in the event you feel they've let you down. He is not willing to negotiate this she should walk not spend another minute trying to justify and beg. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 There are several compounding factors at work here. I suspect your boyfriend might be on the jealous side who gives you a hard time about your interactions with other guys (insecurity). This probably encourages you to tell "white lies" which later turn out to be harmful to the relationship. I say, if you feel like you have to lie in a relationship, it's probably got too many problems and it'd be easier just to end it and find someone else who you can be honest with. MD Link to post Share on other sites
sw1911ct Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 If you're telling us everything those really aren't the most disgraceful lies I've ever heard. Just IMO How did he find out? Did you come clean about them? That would be a good sign to me if you found it in your heart to be honest, and told him about all three things at once in a come to Jesus sort of way. I'm wondering how else he could have found out? If you weren't honest with him in the end then maybe he never would have found out, and that going out on a limb should count for something. Link to post Share on other sites
sw1911ct Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 . This probably encourages you to tell "white lies" which later turn out to be harmful to the relationship. I agree with that 100%. I used to do that with my girlfriend and I refuse to do it anymore. If an honest answer doesn't work from now on then hey... At least I tried the high road. Not a good way to be and it will always catch up Link to post Share on other sites
Author princess7 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Yeah, he questioned me about the things that had happened, and i came clean and told him the truth about everything. I really do know how much i have hurt him and would never do it again. i feel awful about the mistakes that i have made and love him so so much and is why i need to prove this him so badly. i dont and cant lose him.... Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 It seems to me that you have already lost him by your lies. That said, your "coming clean" shows that you are remorseful about about being a liar. A good sound relationship MUST be based on truth. My question is HAVE YOU TOLD HIM THE COMPLETE TRUTH? Why were you alone with the guy who tried to kiss you? Is that ALL you did? If you truly loved your man why would you get into situations like this? These are all questions that you need to answer to your bf's satisfaction. If possible. My advice would be to ask HIM what would satisfy him. It depends on how much you love him. If you must plead, plead. Ifyou must beg, beg. I don't agree with the other posters that " white lies", are ok. ALL lies undermine relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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