great friendship, I want more, does she?

[SilentDuck]

I've been friends with this girl for about a year. We have a few mutual friends, hang out often, and talk just about every day, sometimes only for a few minutes, other times for hours at a time even into the late night/morning hours.

 

We hit it off when we first met, there's always been a connection. We have always been very flirty with each other and over the past year our friendship has grown stronger and stronger. I've recently come to realize, over the past 3-4 months, that I'm falling for her, and I'm not sure if she feels the same way or not. To make matters worse, I recently found out that she's been seeing someone that she cares a lot about, but doesn't admit to me or anyone else that they are actually dating or a couple. We are very open with each other, we have talked about previous relationships and where they have gone wrong. I've been the shoulder for her to cry on and shes always been there for me when I'm upset. We always joke around saying we are meant to be together.

 

I am scared to express my true feelings towards her, fearing that it will ruin the great friendship we have. At the same time, I'm constantly MISERABLE wondering what things would be like if we were more than friends. She is extremely beautiful, but my attraction to her is mostly emotional. I don't want to believe it, but I think I'm at the point where I'd rather tell her how I feel and take my chances. If she doesn't feel the same way, there may be a rift in our friendship but at least I won't be wondering if she feels the same way all the time. I want her to be happy, and i dont want to sit around hoping things won't work out with her and the person she is seeing, which is a terrible thing to think anyway.

 

I'm sure others have been in the same situation, any advice? I wrote a long winded letter and am hesitating to send it, just casually bring it up one day, or do nothing at all. btw, we are both in our mid 20s and have been in long (3+) year relationships that didn't work out.

[messiah]

I am in the same position as we speak. Me and this chick are good friends i told her that i like her and she says she likes me too but just want things to stay where they are (whatever that means!) but its probably because she just ended things with her ex and she is quite gutted about it so i understand if shes not keen to jump straight into another relationship. But what is fustrating is that she keeps floating around the idea of us going on a date i have asked her a couple of times and she has never really given me a straight answer. I dont know whether i should persist with her or just move on emotionally.

You need to tell her how you feel because you cant be friends with a girl you like. Girls dont seem to understand that for a guy to have a girl who is just a mate is competely and utterly useless so why would us guys just want to be friends? When you tell them that we cant be just be friends because you like her too much they get all upset as if you have dumped them or some****! my goodness. but then again if your the type of guy who likes to be her doormat and shoulder to cry on without getting anywhere with her then thats your choosing. But yea tell her how you feel even it risks losing her as a mate.

In my opinion id happily lose her as a mate rather then having her as a mate but liking her and her not feeling the same way. Like i said having a girl as just a mate is completely useless.

[Charles1978]

Same situation I was in. Do your own thing, and when she asks why you've been scarce, tell her. That's how I did it. And I'm glad I did. It got me out of the friend zone, but we never started a real relationship. Just hooked up. I eventually lost interest in her that way because of her indecisiveness, but our friendship remains pretty strong. Don't waste too much time feeling how you are feeling without letting it be known in a gentle way... a long winded letter would probably be a mistake. JMO

[soozie86]

I was in exactly the same situation! The best thing to do is to casually tell her that you like her, more than just a friend and ask if she feels the same way.

[saturnsfall]

You hit on something very important, you said you're most attracted to her emotionally. That's wonderful. I agree with the other posters, you should convey your feelings. However; I do not think a letter is the best way to do this. I would tell her in person. Don't make it a huge production, just tell her.

 

It's difficult, when two people share a friendship. I understand your hesitation. That fear of losing the friendship will always exist. It's something you need to decide whether or not you can push past. Your situation, as you know, can go either way. I believe you mentioned telling her being worth it? Then there's something you should do. You should tell her how you feel.

 

Ask yourself a question: How do you think she feels? Ask yourself honestly. What do you come up with?

 

I wish you the best of luck.