Can't figure these guys out...

[JustJackie]

Well I am currently interested in two guys right now, each of whom are very different but are behaving the exact same INFURIATING way! To give a bit of context, I met Dude1 a year ago and we went out for 3 months, then he left for overseas. He just got back. I met Dude2 at a party 3 weeks ago, and haven't seen him since.

 

Both have been sending me text messages and calling, which I would think was an indication that they are really interested, if it wasn't for the fact that these text messages and calls come only after 12pm on a Friday or Saturday night!! They will not bother contacting me all week, then all of a sudden want to meet up after they've had a few drinks.

 

I don't know how to handle this behaviour. On the one hand, I have made such booty calls myself and as we are all young, I guess there's nothing wrong with simply being out and thinking, 'it would be cool to hook up with this chick if she's in the area...' Plus, both guys are fairly shy and probably scared of initiating something with me without some dutch courage as I do play hard to get. On the other hand, I thought I shared more with these guys when I did see them than a mere sex attraction. We got on extremely well and, for me at least, this is VERY rare. It's dissapointing that they can't be bothered calling me in advance to PLAN a meeting! I'm not asking for roses and dinner; heck, I'm not even asking for a one-on-one 'date'. I just think I deserve a bit of respect. If they both weren't so goddamn good looking they'd be out of my phone book forever!

 

Any opinions on this?

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "If they both weren't so goddamn good looking they'd be out of my phone book forever!"

 

It sounds like you were made for these guys. Seems like it's pretty superficial all the way around. You're interested in them for their good looks, they're interested in you for your booty. Sounds like a pretty fair exchange to me.

 

If you don't like their approach, tell them. Set forth to them exactly the kind of respect you want. Let them know exactly how you require them to conduct themselves in order for them to get what they want. I mean, we aren't talking big time love or caring here...at least not at this point. Let them know if they want to having something to do with you, they'll need to call you prior to the weekend and certainly before they've gone out on Friday and Saturday night. Specifically, on your question about how to handle this situation....don't put up with it. Let these guys know their behaviour is unacceptable to you.

 

If you have to depend on guys to fill themselves with alcohol to approach you, you ought to write them off. Oh, yes, that's right. You would do that if they weren't so damned good looking. I forgot about that.

 

I hope on day you can find yourself a guy you're attracted to who will also care about you in many other meaningful ways and show you there's a lot more to all this than hooking up very early Saturdays and Sundays. Once you open yourself up to it, you will find a man who will be lots of fun to be around and who will enjoying doing things for you and being with you for a lot more than sex.

[gocubsgo]

did you sleep with both of these guys rather soon? on the first night?

if so, you're pretty much doomed to be the forever booty call!

neither one will have respect for you or see you as "date-able".

 

i don't agree with the way men are about that subject, but that's the way

it is!

 

you know: the whole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" thing!

 

it's stupid, but true.

 

i don't think these guys are shy! a shy guy would be more afraid of calling you for

sex than for a date. and they don't have a problem with it! these guys are just jerks!

 

you need to find a relationship that starts out as dating and leads to sex instead of

the other way around.

 

it's an empty life to be the girl who is known as "the booty call".

i've seen too many friends go down this path, it's sad.

 

and YES YOU DO want roses and dates! don't lie to yourself. we all want that!

we're women!

 

don't sell yourself short! find a guy who's not as ass!

and for god's sake! if you do continue seeing them: use a condom! if they are booty calling you,

they probably have a grocery list of others!

[Eric]

Jackie,

 

If you want these gentlemen to be forthcoming and direct with you, you might want to consider; a) being this way yourself and b) telling them exactly what it is you are expecting from them.

 

If either or both is worthy of a closer look, they will just have to respond to you accordingly. In either case, you will have your answer. The previous 2 answers go directly to the heart of the issue by asking you (just a tad between the lines) what you think you are really worth.

 

Lastly, I have learned that when I don't have a burning desire to get to know someone, there is a reason for it . If I really stop and think it through, the reason usually becomes clear. Perhaps they are being the way they are simply because they are not as interested as you are.

 

Bonne chance.

 

E.

[sarah12]

honestly..these guys are not even worth it ..AT ALL..any guy who is respectable and has some decency will call you /txt you at a decent hour and ask you out on a date, formally. Have you slept with these guys? I'm just wondering what led them to think that they can do this to you.

 

Seriously - I don't care that you got along with them well - it is probably because they knew all the right words to say. And yes hun, we are young, but we are smart too..we're girls damnit! They don't deserve you. You need to drop them this minute.