How to suggest mother cleans up her house

[Sears]

Today, I'm reading an email from mother in which among other things, she mentions my niece tells her that her house is a mess. My mother asks who told her that. Her reply was her mom. My brother tells my mom the girl is always making up things.

 

First off, I believe my sister in law did say that directly to my 2 year old niece or said it within ear shot of her. While it is true, she should take great care in what she says. She doesn't complain when she gets cheap or free day care.

 

Now to my mothers house, it isn't dirty per se but it cluttered with crap all over the place. We gave it a cleaning a couple years ago when she decided to change the look of her place.

 

Last year I suggested a spring cleaning but heard nothing.

 

 

What is a good way to respond to her email without appearing to be siding with a kid or my tard sister in law and suggest we get to cleaning up the place.

[Geishawhelk]

Today, I'm reading an email from mother in which among other things, she mentions my niece tells her that her house is a mess. My mother asks who told her that. Her reply was her mom. My brother tells my mom the girl is always making up things.

 

First off, I believe my sister in law did say that directly to my 2 year old niece or said it within ear shot of her. While it is true, she should take great care in what she says. She doesn't complain when she gets cheap or free day care.

 

Now to my mothers house, it isn't dirty per se but it cluttered with crap all over the place. We gave it a cleaning a couple years ago when she decided to change the look of her place.

 

Last year I suggested a spring cleaning but heard nothing.

 

 

What is a good way to respond to her email without appearing to be siding with a kid or my tard sister in law and suggest we get to cleaning up the place.

 

Just gloss over it, with "huh! kids today, huh?"

 

And drop it.

What your mother's house looks like is up to her, not anyone else.

Leave her be and don't threaten her security.

If she's happy with the way her house looks, what business is it of anyone else's what it looks like?

if it were filth and squallor, I'd understand.

But if it's clutter, it's a security for her.

 

Do nothing, say nothing, until she herself asks for help, in tidying up her house.

[Sears]

Just gloss over it, with "huh! kids today, huh?"

 

And drop it.

What your mother's house looks like is up to her, not anyone else.

Leave her be and don't threaten her security.

If she's happy with the way her house looks, what business is it of anyone else's what it looks like?

if it were filth and squallor, I'd understand.

But if it's clutter, it's a security for her.

 

Do nothing, say nothing, until she herself asks for help, in tidying up her house.

 

 

Can you elaborate on this "security" concept? She really doesn't have a lot of junk in there, last year she ordered a dumpster and we got rid of years of stuff for her. She kind of replaced it with new stuff.

[amaysngrace]

I think it is mostly a power thing between your mom and your brother's wife.

 

My advice would be to mind your own business and let them hash it out.

[Geishawhelk]

Can you elaborate on this "security" concept? She really doesn't have a lot of junk in there, last year she ordered a dumpster and we got rid of years of stuff for her. She kind of replaced it with new stuff.

 

I have been a Feng Shui Consultant and without exception, the people who collected abundant quantities of aimless clutter, or focussed on collections to the point of mania - had a psychological issue of security.

Accumulating stuff around you to an excessive extent is a sign that the person is compensating for something that is absent, or of which they have been deprived, in some way, for some reason. What she has replaced it with, is academic. The fact that she's replaced it, is more significant.....

 

Most people I helped in clearing their clutter, also successfully faced their demons, and didn't replace.

Your mum has, which would suggest to me there might still be underlying issues.

 

I don't want you to jump to the conclusion that this might be deep, tragic and serious. It could be something quite trivial.

It could be nothing at all, and I may be jumping to conclusions and wildly guessing.

 

I feel a bit uncomfortable elaborating, because it sounds as if I'm trying to 'diagnose' via the internet.

 

This is impossible, and I'm not doing anything of the kind. Inspite of my actual experiences, the theory I've put forward with regard to your mum, is pure speculation.

[Sears]

I have been a Feng Shui Consultant and without exception, the people who collected abundant quantities of aimless clutter, or focussed on collections to the point of mania - had a psychological issue of security.

Accumulating stuff around you to an excessive extent is a sign that the person is compensating for something that is absent, or of which they have been deprived, in some way, for some reason. What she has replaced it with, is academic. The fact that she's replaced it, is more significant.....

 

Most people I helped in clearing their clutter, also successfully faced their demons, and didn't replace.

Your mum has, which would suggest to me there might still be underlying issues.

 

I don't want you to jump to the conclusion that this might be deep, tragic and serious. It could be something quite trivial.

It could be nothing at all, and I may be jumping to conclusions and wildly guessing.

 

I feel a bit uncomfortable elaborating, because it sounds as if I'm trying to 'diagnose' via the internet.

 

This is impossible, and I'm not doing anything of the kind. Inspite of my actual experiences, the theory I've put forward with regard to your mum, is pure speculation.

 

 

Thanks, it does make sense to me. My father passed and soon after the clutter started. She got rid of a bunch of stuff from his time with us but got more stuff like books, stuff for my niece and so on. Her pad is cluttered but clean so I think I will stay out of it....

 

 

Thanks again.....