sxxy_L Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 I feel so depressed. I wake up everymorning and cant wait til the day is over. I'm only 15 and I feel like my life is over. I go to school and put on a fake smile for everyone. I hate how everyone thinks im so perfect and happy. I may appear like it, but inside im screaming so loud I cant even think. I'm so presured by mi parents and family and everyone and everything to be perfect and not to make any mistakes. I try so hard to make them proud, but mi feelings of being Uncomplete and depressed get in the way, and make me wanna do things to try and make my life different. I dont wanna be like anyone else i dont want anyones life, I just dont wanna be anything. I dont want a life and i dont think I deserve my life. Sometimes I just give up and try and lock everything up inside of me so that everyone wont know and everyone will be happy. I find myself listening to music and feeling depressed, even if its a happy song.. it reminds me of what i used to be like. And all of this stuff just builds up inside of me and end up hurting myself. I wouldnt kill myself. But what scares me is that I'm not affraid to kill myself, its just the fact that I dont want to hurt anyone that keeps me alive. I just want this to end, everyones so happy, Im only 15, everyone else my age is happy, why arent I? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 I think your answer may be in your post: I'm so presured by mi parents and family and everyone and everything to be perfect and not to make any mistakes. I try so hard to make them proud Please print out your post exactly as you wrote it (and my reply, if you like) and give it to your parents. They may not understand how much pressure you are under. Most people who are under lots of stress eventually end up feeling bad, which is why it's important that you let your parents know how you are feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 I was just like you - living to please my parents, literally staying alive only b/c it'd hurt them if i killed myself. Two good news for you: you're not alone & things DO get better! Perhaps you could talk to a counsellor at school? Talking it over with somebody (non-parent!) can really help. Also, plz try to realize that pleasing your folks is NOT NOT NOT the point of your life. If they're pleased with what you do - great, but if not - too bad. You should certainly listen to their advice, but the ultimate decisions about what you do with your life are YOURS alone, because your life is YOURS to live! There's no standard to live up to. Mistakes will be made b/c you're human. It's OK to feel icky some days & not smile. People will likely comfort you or try to cheer you up. Now, for some immediate improvement in the way you feel about life, start exercising (or do it more). Physical activity throws out some hormones that make you feel good. Also, treat yourself - take bubble baths, make something cool for your room, - whatever pleases you. I, for example, cooked lunch today, and had great fun in the process. Simple things are what life's about, in the end. Another person you could talk to is your doctor. But I guess that's hard w/out your parents' knowledge, so I'd start with a cousellor. best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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