Alan430 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 This is just a curisoity thing, but what do you guys think since you guys know these situation the best. I know before my wife left, I thought that if i could get her to stay in the house we could work it out. However once physically seperated that it was over. I also used this to gage how much she wanted to work it out. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 This is just a curisoity thing, but what do you guys think since you guys know these situation the best. I know before my wife left, I thought that if i could get her to stay in the house we could work it out. However once physically seperated that it was over. I also used this to gage how much she wanted to work it out. What do you guys think? Only you really know whether or not it's over. I didn't consider it over. Others do. I think situations vary, but for the most part, if she leaves, it's over. Especially if another man is involved. The separation at that point, is just enabling her to take that other relationship further, and forget that she is married. I would just press with your plans. Go over lessons learned for your own personal growth. Until she understands what it's like without you, she is not going to be interested in getting back together. I'd give her space, cause that's what she's asking. Give her all the space she wants. If she's involved with someone else, even more reason to let her go. There are other fish in the sea, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alan430 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Trustinyourself , thanks for the reply. I know your right. I just keep thinking about her saying that who knows what will happen in a month or two, and because me not paying her attention is exactly why she left, i keep second guessing myself. Should i be actually trying and showing her that i have changed, or should i continue to keep our conversations buisness about our son. I try to squash those ideas immediatly and chuck it up as her guilt talking, but i find myself slipping. As soon as i slip i can feel that dreaded feeling sneaking back in. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 If MC isn't part of the separation process, IMO, see the process as the path to divorce. Really, it's as simple as that. Ask any MC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alan430 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 That is a very good post Carhill thanks. I wish i could do a clean break but its not what is best for my kid. This hit home with me so im going to post it, it may help someone else. "Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off)." Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Who knows, but if she left you, then it's totally on you to do what you feel is right. You have all the power in the world because you choose the next step. You can offer the chance to reconcile through your actions, or you can choose to walk away. What is funny is, the path to both, is reached by taking similar actions. Moving on with your life, establishing independence and living without the burden of someone else isn't all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
steveraves Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I also agree with the above separation will most likely lead to divorce unless mc is involved than you might have a shot. The problem with separating is you're no longer really involved in each others lives. You don't grow closer together, you grow further apart. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Alan, On and shortly after D-day my now ex wife (of 25 years) used the same platitudes. She proclaimed that she "wanted space to find herself, and discover whether she could make it in the world as an adult". She also talked about not "knowing" what the future held. She speculated that she "might" be back in a month or two missing me, wanting to make the marriage work Blah Blah Blah. A week later when the fact that she was involved in a sexual affair surfaced I asked her why she lied to me. She was forthcoming. She admitted freely that she lied to make leaving the marital home and transitioning to a divorce easier. She had been planning the break up for over two years (and participating in the affair for 23 years on and off). She correctly believed that I would be more likely to accomidate her wishes, and support her "move" financially if her lover remained undiscovered. In the end it didn't matter, other than the reality that I didn't share my earnings with her after discovery (she earned equally). I did accomodate her by giving her everything she asked for, the 401 k and any personal property she wanted. Eight years later (actually a year later) there are no hard feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alan430 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Thanks Lakeside, I am trying to solid and stubborn. Statically looking on these forums there is another man, and i have seen so many weird numbers on her phone guys include which i have heard for mention from about her work. As hes just an old man etc.. But that old man has been in more communication with her than i have in the last 3 months, alot more. I am just assumming she is cheating on me and i will leave it at that. i dont even want to know at this point. I need to move on and i feel like im doing a good job, but i find myself slipping. Today i saw her and she showed me her apartment, i stood at the doorway like ive read but she insisted i come and see the place so i did that. But i played it cool and she looked like ****. She mentioned a couple of days before she hasnt been sleeping well and he friends told her it was stress. I was a little happy she looked terrible. She looks very pale and she looked like she has put on a little bit of a stomach.. Good !!!! She is a bit younger then me im 34 and she is 26. But its terrible but it made me feel good, expecially since ive been working out and feeling better about myself. I went out to dinner by myself last night( sat at a table in a packed restruant and had dinner, and unless im mistaken the watress was a bit more smiley and attentive then i usually encounter. Who knows she probably wanted a large tip lol young spanish girl. Anyways i really want to just start meeting new women and i think it will be the final nail in the coffen, at least i am hopping. Now how do an old 34 year old guy met women. Link to post Share on other sites
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