GIZMO Posted September 28, 2003 Share Posted September 28, 2003 Well, Its been 7 years now that I have been with the man I love. I have been with him since I was 19 years old, I am now 26 years old and completely lost... For years I wanted to get married, own a house, have children and the dog. My boyfriend at the time told me, that when he puts a ring on my finger, it will never be taken away from me.. I trusted that statement and waited around for years for that ring... My grandmother, gave him a ring to give me.. It was her ring from her 1st marriage and it was buitiful. About 1 year ago, the day finally came and he took me down to Lake Michigan and purposed.. I was so excited!! I thought it was the really thing.. I was paying triple payments on my credit cards to get myself and him out of debt, we were looking for a house for us, we were picking names out for the children we would one day have.. He was excited at the time, I thought... Then about 6 months ago, he finally wanted to set the wedding date.. And we found the hall, set the date, and we were off to planning the big day... Until, 2 days after we put the money down on the hall he told me he needed more out of the realtionship, he told me I did not talk enough to him from my heart.. Now, I am a sensitive person, and I don't to this day fully understand what he meant by talking more from my heart.. I am a open person.. Anyways, I became very angrey with him, after he told me that. I cancled the wedding hall and would not talk to him for days.. I was so depressed.. We did live together, and we do work together.. Well, we were fighting back and forth for months, about the wedding, were we getting married, were we breaking up.. I did not know If I was coming or going.. The decision finally was made about one month ago.. He moved out.. But, he moved next door to our house ( that is where his best friends live ).. I could not deal with it anymore, so I packed all of my stuff, and found a new place to live.. Now, I am kicking myself for leaving.. I miss him so much.. Everytime I try to talk to him I cry, and tell him how much I love him and miss him and want to work things out.. He told me that I need to stay strong, and take some time out for me. He said that he needs space and he needs to figure things out. He says nothing is set in stone. At the same time, he is giving me the line where he loves me, but not in love with me anymore.. This man is 33 years old.. He has been making plans to take me to dinner, he blows me off, he says he will call me, he blows me off. I ask him all of the time if there is another woman. He tells me no. He never was really around me much when he lived together. Everything was so much more important that I was.. If football was on and I put on something sexy he would tell me to get out of the way he is missing the football game. All's I ever wanted was a family with this man.. And I don't know exactly why.. I was nor would I ever be #1 in his eyes. If I don't keep talking to him I am scared he will never come and get me and take me home to him.. I don't have many friends anymore, I stopped talking to everyone and just became friends with his freinds.. Can someone please tell me what to do?? How to deal with this?? I feel like I have hit rock bottom and I don't know how to pick myself back up... Sorry this is so long.. But I really need advise.. Link to post Share on other sites
sonofhud Posted September 28, 2003 Share Posted September 28, 2003 Well from just reading what you have posted, it doesn't seem like this is the man you should spend the rest of your life with if you want to be happy. Sure, you're in love with him.....but you can let your heart lead you all the time. He didn't spend much time with you and the game was more important. Always something more important. If its like this before you are married do you really think things will change once you tie the knot? What about when you have children? More stress on the two of you, more time you have to spend on other things besides each other. If he asked for some space then give it to him. Trying to push the issue and talk to him too much is gonna turn him off from you even more. Try to go out and meet new friends, maybe go with someone from work or something. Try to get your life back in order and stay busy so you dont think about him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GIZMO Posted September 29, 2003 Author Share Posted September 29, 2003 Thank you for your advise, but I just want to pick up the phone and ask him why.. Why did he do this to me? Why is he treating me so bad? All's I ever did was love him.. How can he just fall out of love with me like that? I have not changed a thing about myself... Will this pain ever go away?? Will I ever be able to actually sleep? I can not stop thinking about him, no matter how busy I am.. Right now, I just hate life.. I don't know how you can love someone so much and then 7 years later just kick me to the curb and tell me to keep my chin up, nothing is set in stone, and in order to get through this, we need to stay friends.. When he makes plans with me he just blows me off.. So what was the point to even set a plan up with me from the beginning?? Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted September 29, 2003 Moderators Share Posted September 29, 2003 Not only do I think he treated you like an a$$ on times, but, truth is simple, really...people change their minds...sometimes on a dime, and sometimes over the course of months or years. When those changes happen, previously rock-solid ideas about whom they wish to spend their lives with, what they want to do career-wise, what they value, etc., may change drastically also. The dream suddenly was being put to the "acid test", he couldn't see it as the path he wanted...and so it ended. I personally think you're better off...much better off. Nonetheless, it doesn't erase the dedication and heartfelt capital that YOU put into that dream. Difference is, you were committed to the whole idea. He's another person who talked the talk, but then chose not to walk the walk (down the aisle). I know this is hard, but in time you will see things for what they are. Right now, your heart is clouding your head. Don't settle for a wishy-washy mate. They will likely tend to stay that way a lifetime. I bid you peace. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 Oh Gizmo! My heart goes out to you big time. I can't say I quite understand what you're going through, but I do empathize. Listen to Curt when he tells you you're better off! Seven years is definitely a long time, and I feel deeply for you, having to endure this pain. Believe me when I tell you that you will be fine. Believe me when I tell you that you are a strong and capable woman, and that your good and loving heart will mend. Believe me when I tell you that the first step to learning how to mend your heart is to separate yourself entirely from this man. It is far too easy for him to look the part of the good guy by saying "No, really...in order for me to get through this I NEED you to be my FRIEND!" Though this may be true, just look at how horribly it is making you feel. This is your opportunity to reclaim your life. Take fullest advantage of it. Trust yourself to know what to do. Your heart may be hurting, but it will guide you right. I wish you the best of luck, and always know you've got support 'round here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GIZMO Posted September 30, 2003 Author Share Posted September 30, 2003 I do not know how to re claim my life when I see him every day at work.. I work for a great company and I really need this job, I have been there for years... But when I see him I just cry at work.. I don't know what to do or how to handle this.. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts