Am I wrong for asking my fiance to stop drinking alcohol?

[PrincessC]

My fiance likes to drink alcohol at least once a week. I don't like him drinking for a lot of reasons, so I asked him to quit. Of course, he had a big fit and said he wouldn't. I thought that if he loved me so much, he would understand and quit. And everytime he wants to drink, and I get uset and tell him I don't want him to, he gets so mad and we get into a huge fight. I hate fighting with him, but I can't help the way I feel about him drinking. Am I wrong for asking him to quit? Please help!

[moimeme]

By 'drinking' do you mean he drinks until he's drunk? How many drinks does he have each time?

[2SidestoStories]

First of all, I do not think you were wrong for asking your fiance to quit drinking. I must however point out a very specific flaw in your logic, something that you REALLY need to consider before marrying this fellow:

 

I thought that if he loved me so much, he would understand and quit.

 

People DO NOT quit doing things we do not want them to do because they love us. People in fact do not quit doing things we don't want them to do a lot of the time; what I would be concerned about is that if your fiance likes to drink, and you continually ask him to not, he will find ways to do it without your knowledge. Or if he likes to fight, he'll be sure to continue.

 

I cannot make a value judgement on either you or your fiance, but will give you fair warning that he is not at all likely to change his choice to drink alcohol that once a week or so. Therefore, you will either have to grin and bear it, or find the courage to leave.

 

Quite frankly, since this is something you feel so very strongly about, I would recommend that you seriously reconsider your choice to marry him.

[sonofhud]

What other activities in your lifestyles do you guys not agree on? What are the reasons you want him to stop drinking and what are his reasons for continuing? If you want to marry this guy you are gonna have to compromise. He is only drinking once a week....so thats really not that much. If you can not handle any drinking, find another man.

[Clancy]

Yes I think you are wrong for asking your fiancee to stop drinking alcohol. It wouldn`t be wrong to ask him to stop getting drunk around you but just because he`s your fiance doesn`t give you the right to insist that he stop consuming a legally and socially acceptable product he obviously chooses to consume. Your real question is do you want to marry a man who consumes alcohol and can you stop trying to control your soon to be husband?

[HokeyReligions]

I think the bigger question is, is drinking something you can live with? You have to set your own priorities and decide on what is a deal-breaker in your relationships. You were not wrong to ask him to quit, but that doesn't guarantee that he will, and love doesn't have anything to do with it.

 

For me someone who used illegal drugs would be a deal breaker. I dated a guy once and when I found out he was doing drugs I broke it off. It is something I cannot and will not tolerate. Drinking to me is okay once in a while, but I would not have a relationship with someone who drank regularly or got drunk once a year. When I first started dating my husband I knew my priorities and what were my deal-breakers and we discussed this over several dates. He does not drink at all and he and I may be the only 2 people in our generation that never even smoked one joint!