Logical reasons for an interested woman NOT to initiate any contact?

[calazhage]

I have read about this on many threads, and I am borrowing this quote from another thread.. The female poster said:

 

" I have been deeply in love with men who I would make no contact to. Yet guys I cared less about would hear from me all the time. Go figure. So please don't think your gf's aren't in love with you because they make you do all the calling."

 

Now we all know some women DO call out of the blue early in a relationship. Or text, or email. This question is not for you. Or apparently now,(judging by the quote) even if you do make this contact, you still might not care about the guy at all.

 

My question is, what is the REAL, SPECIFIC, reason for not initiating contact with a man you just started dating AND are very interested in? Let's say first month or 2. Is it a fear of rejection? You want to be pursued? You were just taught not to call a man, or read a book saying that? You want to see just how interested he really is? You do not want to appear to be "too easy? Or any other random reason?

 

I ask because this is confusing and frustrating for many men. They date five girls in a row that do call, then come across one that does not. So, logically they think perhaps this new one is dating others, not as interested, too busy, etc. If dating a few women, often times you choose the one that is easiest to communicate with.

 

And then when asking for advice about the above type of woman, men will say "have a back up plan.. Ball is in her court!" Women will say "make sure she initiates contact with you as well! If she doesn't she isn't that interested!" The advice given is almost always unanimously wrong if you are dealing with a woman whom REFUSES to initiate contact with a man she is in love with.

[prettybaby]

I will never understand it either, and I'm a chick. If I'm interested in you, you will definitely hear from me It makes no sense to act the opposite of your feelings. Especially since guys generally suck at reading subtle clues and all that stuff. You sometimes have to literally spell it out for them.

[xjadex]

I hardly initiate contact at all and because I like to get a feel of his level of interest in me....and I like to be sure there is a *real* interest. I'm reciprocating my interest to him, everytime I pick up his call or reply to his text.

 

If he's calling regular and consistantly over a period of a month, then I will begin to initiate the odd call and text...but I still let him do most of the pursuing.

[Trialbyfire]

You need to break this down more. Is it during the dating process or the first part of an exclusive, committed relationship? The two aren't synonymous.

[Star Gazer]

If a woman is still not initiating any contact after a month of dating, and even more so "or two," then I'd say categorically her interest level is low.

[xjadex]

Well I must be the exception, because I'm head over heels for my SO, but I still don't call or text, as much as he calls/texts me and he calls every single day.

 

He has whinged about my lack of calling...but knows I love him nonetheless.

[ColorCube]

My question is, what is the REAL, SPECIFIC, reason for not initiating contact with a man you just started dating AND are very interested in?

 

When I first started dating my wife she never initiated any contact with me until we had been dating about a month.

 

Later on I found out that she was playing the field some and was dating other guys.

If she had called me then she wouldn't have been able to go out with other guys as I would have asked her out but she wanted to play the field so she let the guys do all the contacting so she could better manage her schedule.

By letting me doing the contacting she had time to fit other guys into her dating schedule as I wasn't calling her all the time.

 

She made a choice after about a month and stopped dating the other guys and then she starting calling me all the time.

 

I'm not saying that all women do this but it did happen to me.

[LovieDove24]

You need to break this down more. Is it during the dating process or the first part of an exclusive, committed relationship? The two aren't synonymous.

 

 

He did explain it:

 

My question is, what is the REAL, SPECIFIC, reason for not initiating contact with a man you just started dating AND are very interested in? Let's say first month or 2

[Trialbyfire]

He did explain it:

 

My question is, what is the REAL, SPECIFIC, reason for not initiating contact with a man you just started dating AND are very interested in? Let's say first month or 2

 

Now we all know some women DO call out of the blue early in a relationship. Or text, or email. This question is not for you. Or apparently now,(judging by the quote) even if you do make this contact, you still might not care about the guy at all.

The way he phrased this paragraph, makes it ambiguous to me. Does he mean that when in a relationship, this question isn't applicable or does he mean that women who call, this question isn't applicable to?

[LovieDove24]

I tend to do the same thing, and here's why.

 

No one likes a clinger. Plain and simple. Say I like the guy enough in the first couple months, I'll keep it casual so as to give the relationship an actual real standing chance. Nothing sets a relationship up for disaster more than fast and furious crashing and burning. I'd say I probably make one phone call for every guys three. Does that make me a game player? Hardly. I just don't want my life to revolve around a man. Therefore I go about my daily business and hope for the best!

 

And lets be honest. Every woman here has played the needy vulnerable role at some point in her life--probably sometime in her teenage years, maybe longer. And nothing scares a man away faster than the vision of losing his freedom. When I've done this, men drop me like hotcakes. Doormat no more!

 

I'm not saying that NO contact is the answer to absolve the "clingy" role. Just LESS.

[LovieDove24]

The way he phrased this paragraph, makes it ambiguous to me. Does he mean that when in a relationship, this question isn't applicable or does he mean that women who call, this question isn't applicable to?

 

Yeah I see how his two statements are conflicting. I just skimmed the post

[calazhage]

Sorry, I mean for those women whom do call a man , perhaps this question is not applicable.

 

I am wondering about the women who could be in love(as stated in the quote), but do not initiate anything. It is as if they are in "no contact" mode. What is the real, logical reason behind such behavior?

 

Xjade also said she is in love and will not contact a man, but did not say why.

 

As an extreme example, I dated a woman for almost a year whom did not call me once. She would wait by the phone for my call, but would not ever call. She would be very upset if I did not call. I know she was interested as she wanted to get married to me, but she refused to call.

 

Star gazer did add that if a woman does not start calling after month her interest is low.. But my question is for the women whom are in love, and still do not call..

[LovieDove24]

A woman who wouldnt call you ONCE in an entire year of dating, is someone who has some serious control issues IMO...someone who wants you "trained" if you will.

 

As for whomever you keep quoting from a previous thread, I can honestly say this is not the norm. Maybe she suffers from some type of trauma that does not allow her to let her guard down.

 

Any respectful, emotionally healthy woman will call you. It shows that they care about making you feel good and carrying their weight in the relationship. Period.

[calazhage]

I tend to do the same thing, and here's why.

 

 

Well in this thread,

 

You stated the above..

 

Another women just said the original quote today..

 

xjade said she hardly initiates contact at all...

 

Now granted the example I gave was extreme..I am more or less asking why SOME women do not initiate much at all in the first couple months. Even when they are very interested.

[MichaelAsh]

I hardly initiate contact at all and because I like to get a feel of his level of interest in me....and I like to be sure there is a *real* interest. I'm reciprocating my interest to him, everytime I pick up his call or reply to his text.

 

If he's calling regular and consistantly over a period of a month, then I will begin to initiate the odd call and text...but I still let him do most of the pursuing.

 

 

What do you mean by odd call and text?

[MichaelAsh]

Also, say you think a girl actually does like you, but is not initiating much contact, is it advisable to ask her why?

[xjadex]

Sorry, I mean for those women whom do call a man , perhaps this question is not applicable.

 

I am wondering about the women who could be in love(as stated in the quote), but do not initiate anything. It is as if they are in "no contact" mode. What is the real, logical reason behind such behavior?

 

Xjade also said she is in love and will not contact a man, but did not say why.

 

As an extreme example, I dated a woman for almost a year whom did not call me once. She would wait by the phone for my call, but would not ever call. She would be very upset if I did not call. I know she was interested as she wanted to get married to me, but she refused to call.

 

She sounds like me. I've been involved with my SO for a year nearly and still I hardly call...I await him calling me. I also get real upset, when he has failed to call me.

 

I think I am that way and because I seek constant assurance that he's still interested, yes even after a year! When he's the one doing most of the calling, it assures me that his interest is still there and isn't wearing thin. I've been hurt in the past many times over also and used to show a lot of interest quite early on in relationships - only to have my heart broken and the guy run off with some other woman. So I'm now of the mindset that if a guy *really* wants me, he will come to me.

 

I do however call him occasionally and send the odd text, but he's the main initiator and has been from day one.

 

And I do constantly reassure him, I love him.

[calazhage]

Xjade, thanks for your answer..And it makes sense.

 

So basically, some women will call right away, some might after a while, and some might rarely if ever, even after a year. Each woman is different in this regard, and the amount they call is not a barometer of their interest level..

 

This is what makes dating confusing at times.. Logically, I think if a woman does not call, or initiate anything, she is not interested. But when actually on a date with them, they seem EXTREMELY interested. Then when the date is over, I am wondering why they never initiate any contact..

 

Since I sense they are more careful possibly(as in your case), I wonder what the line is between pursuing too much,and not enough, if i want to convey I am sincerely interested.

[xjadex]

=calazhage;2030782]Xjade, thanks for your answer..And it makes sense.

 

So basically, some women will call right away, some might after a while, and some might rarely if ever, even after a year. Each woman is different in this regard, and the amount they call is not a barometer of their interest level..

 

This is what makes dating confusing at times.. Logically, I think if a woman does not call, or initiate anything, she is not interested. But when actually on a date with them, they seem EXTREMELY interested. Then when the date is over, I am wondering why they never initiate any contact..

 

 

Women are all different. Some will pursue and others like the man to do the pursuing.

 

I wouldn't take it as a 'given', that if a woman doesn't call, it means 'not interested' and especially if she showed or shows an extreme interest on the date/s. She is likely to be awaiting you calling her. It assures us there is an interest and when we are assured of a 'real' interest, it is then that the more 'cautious' of us, will let down our guard, open up more and move closer to the man.

 

Since I sense they are more careful possibly(as in your case), I wonder what the line is between pursuing too much,and not enough, if i want to convey I am sincerely interested.

 

The guy in my situation pursued me constantly. There was not a day went by when he didn't call, sometimes four and five calls a day, lol. It was kinda overwhelming to begin with, as I wasn't used to guys pursuing me so heavily and to that extent. But I picked up all of his calls and the fact he called so often, didn't turn me off him either. I never once thought of him as being 'clingy', 'desperate' or 'needy'....it made me think 'HE'S INTERESTED'...

 

One call a day would have been enough, or even one every couple of days. So long as they maintain a regular and consistant contact, I'm more than happy with that.

 

If a woman is into you, I don't think it matters how often you call....and if she's interested she will recieve your calls enthusiastically, sound happy to hear from you and will accept your dates.

[Trialbyfire]

It's also reliant on type of man. Some get easily crowded, so I let them initiate the vast majority of time, even in a relationship situation.

 

Most often, I let the guy initiate during the dating process and even it up more, during the relationship. I like men who know what they want and aren't afraid to get it. This means enjoying being the pursuer. I won't pursue, although with my current man, I did quasi let him know I was interested through friends. He called right away, under his own initiative and things have been full steam ahead since!

[calazhage]

Thanks for the replies, and it makes sense..

 

I enjoy pursuing, and have always had success with that approach. I am not sure why I second guess myself at times. If I like a woman, and especially if we are intimate, it feels natural to pursue. It does not feel natural to be the guy who calls a week later, waits for her to call, acts busy, or is in some constant cocky/funny joke mode , although that seems to be what all these up and coming "dating gurus" profess is the proper way to create attraction.

 

Makes me feel better that I actually understand the reasoning behind a woman not initiating contact..

[Illiandra]

When I am interesting in a guy I wont pursue him. I wont text or call alot in the begining because I dont want him to think im clingy or dont have a life. I will however through a random cute text between dates or pick up when he calls. If i werent interested in a guy id prob not answer the phone as often as when I am interested. Usually the first month or 2 are weird in dating because you dont know exactly how often you should talk to the person. If your seeing this person once or twice a week at least one phone call from the girl should be initiated within that week.