broken up with my girlfriend and im so depressed.

[vendetta]

I broke up with my girlfriend around a month ago, because i was not really a nice person, i was jealous and possesive, i didn't have a job didn't go to college so i wasn't going anywhere in my life.

 

so she broke it off, i still try and phone her quite often and txt her but she never wants to see me anymore, she says its because everytime she sees me im so upset and it makes her feel evil. then sh told my frined that if i left her alone for abit and let her get on with her own thing there is a chance of me and her getting back together, so i didn't contact her for around a week.

then i finally contacted her by sending a dozen red roses to her house, she didn't phone me to say thank you she simply sent me a txt saying "thanx for the roses there really nice but it still aint gonna work sorry, xx"

 

then i found out shes been meeting up with another boy (she says she hasn't done anything with him) but she really did tear my worl a[art when she started comparing him to me (i guess i shouldent have asked what hes got that is better than me) now shes goes out clubbing all the timje and spends way too much time with one of her friends, what would you guys recommend i should do to get her back befor this other guy gets ahold of her.

 

please help and feel free to ask me questions about it.

 

thanks in advance

[vixen]

you sound like my friends ex. you wouldn't happen to be 30 or so? and she wouldn't happen to be 21?

 

Anyway, let me give your the perspective of that said friend she's spending all the time with. I'm constently getting ticked off at this ex of hers that i've never met. He's all possessive still, and wants to be with her and treats her like there still dateing when he sees her, and wants to go to clubs with her and i said, oh no, you tell him to back off. Why, becouse it's over. I'm sorry some women just have to have a type of guy that deffinatly fits them. Your girl sounds like my girl and my girl says she's not ever going back.

 

Leaveing her alone i week is spit in the bucket when she says alone for a while, she means 6 months to a year. There's nothing you can do to make her want you back, nothing. She either does or she doesn't and the healthy thing to do is move on, find a new girl, get out and do stuff, execize, don't drink, work hard, improve your station in life, work on who you are, not how you can get her, she isn't the only girl in the world. In the long wrong when you better yourself, love yourself and are happy in life, it makes it easier for others to love you. Get me?

 

My advice, take a deep breath, right her off, and go on with your life.

[vendetta]

nah im 17 shes 17, and i cant geet over her i love her too much.

[vendetta]

how should i act aroun her when i take her out or something? iv been told i shouldent act like shes still my girl. what sorta things could i raise in a convo? i know i should compliment her alot and things like that and generally be a nice guy, any more tips?

[vixen]

but dear, your oh so young, you should sow your oats a bit more, trust me, i know. Besides, here is an upbeet story for you.

 

In highschool i dated a great guy, he was sweet, considorate affectionate just totaly awesome, i was 18 and he was 16, and i felt i was starting to fall in love with him. I panicked. I had just gotten over a relatonship with a 15 year old and it was hell becouse of his parents, we were totaly in love, but the parents well they dont like the age diff. So in a panic i broke it off. Then the summer went by and we dated again, but i broke it off again, still the age diffrence and my fear of parents.

 

So i dated this guy after him for 5 years, and even married him, but we broke up and are getting a divorce, i come home to my home city, and say, hmm i wounder, and i called that high school sweety and and we are now dateing again, age diffrance aside. Fate is odd, it works in strange ways. Jon and i see it as are 5 year hiatus. If you are a lover, then you're ment for love, just remember that.

[vendetta]

yes but it would be so hard for me to get with her again if she slept with another guy....

[vixen]

no it wouldn't. lol, and would that stop you from sleeping with another girl? was she your first? they say you always get attached to your first. You'll see there's another girl lined up in your futer as we speek, would you deny her the love she deserves? I should say not.

 

As for when you see your ex how to act, if your just passing each other in class or on the street, either ignore her or do the head nod thing. If she says something to you, be nice, treat her like an aquaintance. Or an old friend if you like, give her a penis, In your mind, think of her as a guy, she is no longer a market option to you, so she's as good as male. See how that works. But realy center on yourself, school, work that sort of thing. It's better for you then any girl is.

 

vixen

[vendetta]

no she wasn't my first but she is definatly the girl who i am very much attached to.i am actually going onto anti-depressants/sleeping tablets tommorow, because i dont eat right.. i dont sleep right and im constantly moody and thinking of her, shes the last thing i think of before i sleep, then the first thing i think about when i wake up. what do u think she would say if i told her i was on them tablets?

[vixen]

sweety at the age of 17 she'd think your pathetic, but i, an older woman, think you are wise to seek outside help. I went through a very tuff depressing time in my life not to long ago. Even though i had a great boyfriend, my constant feer was he'd leave me like my husband did. I cryed alot, and I didn't do good sleeping eating and or being plain old happy.

 

He said to me, (he's a pshycology major) he said, everyday i wake up and think of something that makes me happy, i go to my window, watch the bunnies eating in my yard, (he has wild rabbits) or the birds or anything and i find something that makes me happy. Everyday my only goal in life is to live, when i wake up in the morning i've accoplished my goal, time and time agian. Jon's right, life's to short to cry over things we can't control, if you can't change something, don't worry about it. It doesn't do you any good to worry does it.

 

Jon said to me once, if you hit yourself in the head with a baseball bat would it hurt? and i said yes. he said would you do that, would you do it knowing it's going to hurt, or that it has? I said no, he said, does worrying hurt, i said yes, then he said, well... don't do it. Get me, it's mind frame, you have to look at it this way, to heck with her she doesn't know what she's missing. She doesn't deserve you, and and.. very importantly, you know you have flaws, go over them, work with yourself to become the man you want to be, the man you want to share with onther person. If you can't connect with who you are, then how can anyone conect with you, if your a stranger to yourself, no one can get to know you either.

 

Work on you, love you, other love will come later, but you have to be the most important person to you. why live life if your not happy, is my philosophy, so make yourself happy, do what makes you happy, (within reason) work on you, every day i'm happy, every day i say man, this is an awesome life, i'm so happy, no lie, totaly happy. It's true, and only i could make me relize how wounderful life realy is. It looks bleak to you know becouse your centerd on one thing, her. but look at the other things you have, health, education, a home, food, things. If you were homeless you'd be much more worse off then you are now, and even the homeless have things thier thankful for, relize what you have and can have, not what you don't have and can't get. Anyway i'm writing you a fricken book, so i'll let you go, work on you ok.

 

Vixen

[vendetta]

thanks for that, some words of wisdom in there.

 

the thing is. where i was such an arse to her (by bein possesive, rude to her friends, never wanting to go out with her family) she finished me... then after about a week of convincing her id change in all these ways she thought she'd give me a chance. and i did change, for about a week... after that i basically changed back to the way i was, i never took her out, was rude to her friends and never went round her house the day she got back from her 2 week holiday (which was very stubborn of me) then i promised id get a job and goto college get my life sorted... i didn't.

 

so she broke it of and now she doesn't believe anyone can change and we wern't right for eachother, so im also upset about the fact that iv kinda damaged her, iv her turn against her self. i really do wanna prove to her that i can change, not just to be my girlfriend but to be my good friend, because now she doesn't even phone me or anything. so i ring her all the time and she gets very pissed at me for it.

 

i guess i shouldent check up on her anymore or keep phoning her.

[vixen]

no your best bet is to leave her be. Go to collage, try for the sping classes in your cities comunity collage, those almost always let you in, and if not, do up your Fafsa's now and go in first thing in the fall next year, just say your takeing a year break, alot of people do that. You let yourself down, not so much her, but you, work on you, don't let you down, she'll be find, you underestimate her abilty to adapt change and reason. Don't worry about her, she's fine, espicialy if she is sniffing round for a new man, this means she's gotten over you and knows she can move on. do the same dear, i know it hurts, but the pain fades with time, and soon you'll be wondering what it was you saw in her. Trust me, you'll see.

 

vixen

[vendetta]

but i want to be her good friend... not forget about her and never speak to her... she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship but if she ends up really likin this chump then she doesn't want to feel held back by anything... like me

[vixen]

ok, first off don't call him a chump. You want to be her friend you have to respect her life decitions. Like who she chooses to date after you. She can't respect you if you can't respect her. This should be a good lesson for you, since you have jealousy issues.

 

If you want to stay her friend, keep in touch by e-mail, like once a week, or once every other week. Don't suffocate her the more you pull the more she'll push. Distance yourself, but not rudely just like, eh i don't care. You don't know how sexy an aloof guy is. Some men are just so blatently looking to replace there mothers it's discusting. Learn to become independent, don't loose your cuddly side, just use it where it's proper. PDA is fine if your comfortable with it, but clinging sucks. Just be you, relax and work on you. I can't stress it enough. LOL

 

If more problems arive we are here to help.

 

Vixen

[vendetta]

i just really wih she'd ring me once in a while and not block me out of her life so much...

[geebz]

hey buddy,

let me first start off by saying.. you are young, very young. 17, you have so much ahead of you.

like vixen said.. a week with no contact is absolutely nothing. I know it can feel like an eternity, but it's nothing. It's hard, but make it your goal to keep away from her.

When I was your age, I was in a relationship that lasted my junior and senior years or high school and my freshman and sophmore years of college. A long, long relationship. It ended, we both grew apart. Did i feel the same way you did.. To an extent yes, but was I wrong? yup. I found a girl that I truly fell in love with last year (almost a year ago). We had our ups and downs as well. Here is something that might help you out. In july, we decided to take a break. We were both going through some heavy personal issues and it was effecting our relationship. So we gave each other time. We didn't contact each other much at all. It hurt a lot, because we were so madly in love with each other. From time to time we'd drop eachother a line, whether it was on aim, txt message, or a call. Recently, I haven't seen her physically for a month. Well, that's all changing today. Last night, we had a talk and we're looking to get things back on the right track. What i simply did, was let her know what life is like without me. Let her decide, hey, is this what i want? Well, she decided, that she doesn't want this. Going to the bars and clubs so many times wears off on a person. Wait for it to wear off on your ex-girlfriend. She's filling her life up with avoidant behaviors. Behaviors that are just smoothing things over for her until she can deal with them. I hate to say it, but you're either going to have to wait for the behaviors effect to wear off, where she realizes whats up or you can jeopardize things big time. Patience my man. Patience is a virtue. Like they always say. If you love somebody, you got to set them free. (that's the true test man) i hate to say it again, but you're 17. You so much ahead of you. I'm in my last year of college and I still have a lot ahead of me, but my life will be changing when I hit the real world. Best thing i can say to ya is just spend time with your friends.. You'll find out who your real friends are.

peace bro

geebz

[vendetta]

thanks alot, that seems like a good way to do things, give her some time to miss me

 

i just really hope this works and she doesn't fall for another guy